I'm grateful for: feeling a bit rested; not losing ground; still feeling hopeful

Today didn't go as positively as yesterday. It's only to be expected, but still a bit of a let-down. I am let down only because I got too far 'up.' High on not being miserable. There are worse things, I suppose.

Today I woke up after about two hours sleep for breakfast, then couldn't get back to sleep. But, I felt so rotten and gamey I didn't get up, either. I dozed on and off, and read a bit in the escaped German prisoner book (I need to look at the title and write it here someday) and also in the book that mother sent me about mothers and daughters.

I have to say that, the author of the mothers and daughters book having displayed a truly dry and wonderful sense of humour, I am much more in charity with her, and reading the book is going more quickly and effortlessly.

I got some audio tapes copied onto the computer. I'm sure there is a proper word for it, but copied will do for me now. That felt good in the realm of accomplishing something. One side of a Hebrew language program cassette, and a couple of songs from an old, old cassette tape of lullabies in Yiddish, English, Hebrew and Ladino.

I did a search online, and wrote to the woman who's name is on the tape. I'd like to have permission to do the copying, but if I can't get it it's not because I haven't tried. It's also not like I'm cheating anyone out of royalties. The tape is at least ten years old, and was privately distributed. I can't exactly go out and find it on cd. I'm not justifying, just thinking 'aloud' as it were. It was fun trying to track down the singer (she's a cantor), and finding out all kinds of stuff that has nothing to do with the tape, but makes me feel more connected to the singer anyway. And I am going to send a copy of these lullabies to my daughter Jessica who had asked for children's songs from me last year anyway.

Oy, I did send her, it's not like she's been waiting a year. But, having sent a few cd's doesn't mean I have to stop, does it? And lullabies are so much fun to have and to sing with the little ones.

I may not have made any progress on things really, but my email inbox still has nothing to respond to and I haven't lost ground.

I was short-tempered with the kids today because of feeling the interrupted sleep. *sigh* But I went upstairs to take a nap before ulpan, and ended up not going at all.

I am really conflicted about that. It was the right thing to do in terms of health today. But I am afraid that missing so much of class means I will not be able to catch up, and I will have failed one more time at this. So, I'm worrying about the future and about things that aren't happening yet. I haven't been doing so well in class when I have been there. Would it be better to show up half asleep and doze through the classes? I can't believe it. I just seem to be in a lose/lose situation where if I want to finish the ulpan I lose again. How do I quit wanting something like that, though? I was not maybe learning as much or as fast as I should have liked, but I was at least making progress. *sigh* This is a case of really wanting Hashem to give me a scroll already, so I can know what I am supposed to do and how it turns out.

Not going to ulpan means I was home for John's interviews. I slept through the first one, but woke up after it was over. It seems to have gone well. There were two other people also being interviewed so at this point it depends a whole lot on whether one of them interviewed better than John did. We won't know anything until tomorrow evening at the earliest. I'm trying to be okay whatever the outcome. After all, this isn't the only job in the states, or even in New Jersey. Still, it sounds like a really good job situation for John to be in, for all of us. I'm praying.

I watched 3/4 of the new Ladykillers with Tom Hanks. It's remarkably true to the original movie, actually. Not as good, in my opinion, but I don't know if I hadn't known and loved the original Ladykillers for years if I would still feel that way.

Havva watched it with me while she worked on her loom. She is making a belt for Zechy, as a relatively quick get-back-into-weaving project. I am so thrilled to see her doing it. And it's a very nice looking belt as well.

Then John and I watched a couple of episodes of MASH while I had supper. He went to bed, I came down here to the computer, and my sister called. What timing. Instead of getting stuff done I was on the phone with her for what seemed like years. More than an hour. Philip's body has been found.

Yay rah, good stuff, closure all 'round. I hope, hope, hope, HOPE this is finally the end of this round of family stuff. Diana's all worried about me being the 'bad' daughter again (and how unfair that is for me), and all I want is to be out of it all. She is going to the memorial service, the 'celebration of his life,' and I am safely here in Israel. So I guess it is not over until that is all over, and I've had to hear all the post-mortems. No pun intended.

It's after 3:30am and I'm not even tired. Talking to my sister isn't something that relaxes me for sleep. And I just realized there is an email I forgot to answer. *sigh*

Tomorrow is another ulpan class. I wonder if I'll make it, and if I do how it will be? I think I need to pray about more than I've been taking in.

John found the arnona bill, now that we've spent all of our money. Whee. Fortunately we're over the hump of the month, I guess. I hate to think of how far we've gotten into the overdraft. I haven't been keeping track, either. One of these days I have to take all the receipts and enter them into the computer and find out how much money we supposedly have (or, rather, owe).

And that's it for me I guess. I posted a new photo on the fotolog - Hans was playing a hockey game and I couldn't make it, so Zechy took my camera and took some pictures. It's not a great shot, but at night, under streetlights of moving kids... I'm not complaining.

Good night.

I'm listening to Wynton Marsalis: Chambers of Tain

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06