I'm grateful for: practicing my prayers; a nice trip to Tel Aviv; all my children safe and sound

Well, it's after midnight (but earlier than last night), and what a tumultuous time it's been. Of course, the excitement in the north has taken a lot of our time and attention today.

After I finally fell asleep (sometimes around 4am I'd guess), I slept badly until maybe 7 or 8am when I had to get up to deal with the bloody mess. I figure if I don't stop bleeding in the next day or two I will have to get to a dr. The problem being that my local dr. I already know is no use (won't refer me to a gyn, doesn't care to take the problem seriously. He Has Never Examined Me!), so I have to try and find a different dr., which means going outside the yeshuv, and that's only the beginning. Still, I just can't keep bleeding like this and do nothing. This is the third week at least, although it's only about eight days of the really heavy bleeding. REALLY heavy. Today I stood up - no, actually just leaned forward in the car - and passed so much blood in that one instant it soaked through my underwear, two cotton diapers, my dress, a shirt and stained the car seat. What fun.

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment, still working on this stupid crown on a tooth which had a root canal before I ever left for the U.S. *I* think it's taken long enough. I have to figure out how I can go to the dentist when I am bleeding like this. Probably I'll end up in plastic diapers. Which is a nightmare to think about given what the temperatures are here. But I really can't risk bleeding through everything on his sofa, or in the chair.

The bug bites really are a nightmare. I got a suggestion from life-my-way to use B1, but the pharmacy was closed today, and the health food store was out of it (expected tomorrow). In the meantime, though, I've acquired quite a few more bites. Not all from the same kind of bugs. The particular problem is my right arm, specifically around the elbow, where the bites are so many and so thick that there is no way to scratch. Or to rest my elbow on anything. Even with caladryl it itches and burns too much to allow me any comfort. We tried various types of bug repellant, I'm guessing they just aren't up to Israeli bugs. Or something.

Of course in the midst of this the heat and the M.S. each take their toll. So it's no surprize after getting up, taking a quick shower, rinsing out everything I wore to sleep in, and dressed again that I spent almost the rest of the day in bed. I lay in bed, more asleep than awake for maybe three hours, I was so exhausted. Then I got online, and played games, read email, alternating with working on praying.

I started out saying simple prayers for the two soldiers most recently taken and for Gilad. Then for us all ('all' meaning everyone involved, including any arab noncombatants). That is one of those asides I put in here because other people read my diary, and I would choose not to be understood. I don't need to remind myself who I pray for. I do believe there are some people among the Palestinian and southern Lebanese populations who don't wish to see myself and my children dead or pushed into the sea - I just have no way of knowing which ones they are. It's not like they stand up and announce their opposition to murdering Jews.

Anyway. Just saying 'please Gd' prayers after a while becomes unsatisfying. There is something particularly satisfying/soothing about saying the prescribed prayers which have been written down and polished for millennia in some cases. I'm not very good at them, so I have to work at them. I got my siddur (prayer book) in here - rather, I asked one of the children to bring it - and I started at the beginning, the prayer to say upon first waking up, and I read it/said it in English and then in Hebrew. And so on. I never even finished the morning prayers. They are long and there is a lot to it. I don't care to just read the words, I want to be aware of the fact that I am praying - trying to make a connection with Hashem. So it's not just like reading aloud, it's a lot harder.

I alternated - read/prayed as much as I could, then rested and played dumb computer games, read email, did smart computer games, and so on, then back to the siddur. It was good. It allowed me to feel like I was not completely useless, that I was doing something that could make a difference, even while I was crippled and stuck in bed all day. I even probably got better at my prayers. ;-)

Havva phoned, I don't remember when, to tell me they base was locked down and no one was being permitted to leave. That meant she might have to spend the night there. A good chunk of the rest of the day (inbetween all the other stuff) was devoted to trying to keep tabs on whether she would be able to come home, and if not, whether we would be able to bring her some basic supplies, like food and underwear. Not to drag it out, it ended up the base stopped being locked down, but she is spending the night because she drew the first overnight (8pm to 8am) shift along with a friend of hers, fortunately. Their job, roughly, is to record everything that goes on (in the navy). I hope it is not a busy night for them. The navy doesn't have much to do with Lebanon, mostly they are active in support of the troops operating in Gaza.

Icky politics around all fo this, too. Olmert is to sick and twisted for words, I think. AND stupid. Not much choice, though, at the moment. You don't switch the head of the gub'ment in the middle of this situation. Assuming we could.

*sigh*

Okay, back to my day. I did at some point make it up and downstairs to sit in front of the big computer. Reading news, juggling phone calls (Havva would phone here, I would call John, Neil called to find out what was up, and so on), doing some schoolwork with the younger three children, then packing up supplies for Havva and heading out with John to Tel Aviv.

It was actually a pleasant drive. I practiced a bit of Hebrew making small talk with him about this and that. We made very good time despite a 'p'kok' (bottleneck) that caught us briefly on the Ayalon highway. Havva was tired but happy to see us. She was happy to have drawn a friend to share the duty with. Very happy with the chocolate and soda and pizza that we brought along as a it of a treat for her and whoever was stuck with her.

Timing was bad, so although I tried to arranged to pick Neil up as long as we were in Tel Aviv, we didn't connect. Back home, getting out of the car was when my little bloody disaster struck. Fortunately I could just go upstairs right away and get in the shower. Unfortunately all this showering and changing clothes wears me out more than almost anything else going on.

John slathered me all over with the caladryl before he went to bed. I stayed up playing games, reading my email, and waiting to feel like there was even a remote possibility of falling asleep. Obviously I haven't managed to get there, yet, although I am in bed.

Hans went out with his friends to play hockey (they play on roller blades, so to me it's not 'real' hockey), and apparently had a terrific time. He came home with a really big grin on his face. They are hoping to arrange a game with the boys from Alfe Menashe, which thrills Hans no end.

Zechy is feeling better, although still sick. He probably won't be fasting tomorrow. I won't be, although I will try to stick to liquids only. Hans and John and Havva are fasting, Simcha wants to do a half-fast (she's feeling sick, and isn't old enough anyway to do a full fast). Eliyahu doesn't fast at all yet. It's a sunup to sundown fast, but the rabbis have managed to muck that up, too. No kidding. The army rabbi says the fast has to start at 3:55am. Hey, we are not north of the arctic circle here! I think if it's a daylight fast we can at least wait until the sun has a chance of being slightly noticed! Oy.

Even if I were fasting, I wouldn't start at 3:55am. Oy. You can trust me on this.

I've got Zechy doing logic puzzles and math puzzles from the Dell puzzle magazines to help him get better with his math. He was so dreading the studying that it turned it into a nightmare chore for him, I'm hoping if he's just doing puzzles he'll see some of the fun in it.

I forgot about Jessica phoning. She'd finally gotten around to reading the news (she is not a regular follower of the news) and called to find out how we are and if everything is all right. It was a lovely conversation, after reassuring her we are all okay, she told me all the big and little news there. Chris has a new job selling cars, and Abby has new words: kitty, up, moo. All stuffed animals are 'kitty' and all animals go 'moo' for her at the moment. I am so delighted to be a part of it all, however distantly.

Jessica is going in hospital for a minor procedure which is made more serious by doing it under full anaesthesia. I wish I could be there to help out. I'm sure everything will be okay, but this is one of those situation where you just don't want to be on the other side of an ocean.

We got off the phone when she had lunch ready there. We had talked for almost an hour. I think that's a record. *very big grin*

I guess that's all I can write now. My hands are tired, I'm itching from what I fear are some new bited in the centre of my back, and Eliyahu is trying to push me out of the bed. Why do they always sleep sideways? I am so tired. I hope I finally sleep.

It's only about 1:30am. Practically early. *sigh*

I'm listening to Eliyahu snoring.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06