I'm grateful for: not being a refugee; my great-great-grandmother cat eating tuna fish; Sprite (her daughter) sleeping in my room last night

I'm feeling really unhappy, but I think it's just hormones so I'm going to try not to complain about anybody.

Having decided (on the strength of the '2nd' opinion, which now brings the count up to three, or four, dr.s who all agree I need it) to have the operation - the hysterectomy - I just want to get it over with. Why can't I talk to my dr. today? Why can't we just schedule the damn thing and get it over with? I've been bleeding like this for so long that I can't even remember when it started. And guess what? I just started bleeding again. The pills the dr. gave me which stopped the bleeding - when I stopped taking them, I started bleeding again. So.

I don't want to go through this even one more time. Honestly. I knew I'd probably have to live with one more bleed, but I really, really don't want to. On top of which, if the bleeding makes me more anemic, then they put off the surgery because of the anemia, where am I? I just really want it all over, I want it to stop.

Right now I think I could really use a mother who was worth something, too. I don't know (from personal experience) but I imagine this is one of those things people get support and help from their mothers for. Not my mother. My mother just send me a copy of a letter from some cousin of hers who is doing a family geneology (I know I can't spell that word) and wants me to fill it in for her/him/them. Fuck that noise! She didn't bother to keep note of when her grandkids were born? It's not my problem. I couldn't care less about her stupid cousin, and the more I hear about her extended family the less I want to be associated with any of them.

So, I'm complaining about my mother. I can't even blame that on hormones, though. Bitch.

Dentist today. Hopefully will finish the stupid crown, and I will be done for a while. I am hoping.

We are also doing a small surprize party for Neil this afternoon. I haven't even a small present to give to him, not because I can't afford it, but because I haven't been able to leave the house to go shopping. Being weak like this all the time, I am just so bored! Busy, but bored. Go figure.

I guess as long as I am just in a foul mood and spilling bile, I'll just go away again, and try and write something when I can do it without the bad feeling.

It's just a crappy time, here.

My best friend in Israel - her husband is up in the north driving trucks and forklifts. They are in Israel, not in Lebanon, and being shelled constantly. The sound of the bombs is so constant he doesn't even hear it any more. She is disabled, with three small children, and has gone to stay with her parents for now. It's not ideal for her, but at least she has parents she can go to.

We're all hanging on, here. Just praying that one of these days the army will tip the balance enough that the missiles will stop falling here. THEN the war will be on the way to being ended.

While the UN runs around with their fingers up their butts (except the ones with their heads up their butts) and Kofi Anon spews anti-Israel hate-filled garbage, and the French and the Americans and the English and the various arab countries and Lebanon talk, and complain, and whine, and point fingers, and all, all, all put pressure on Israel to stop fighting while doing absolutely nothing to stop the bombs from falling on our country.

Yeah. I'm sure we will have a brokered peace - once Israel has once again beaten them down thoroughly enough that the Lebanese are only too happy to have the U.N. and various countries who think they are in charge of the place step in and tell Israel what we can and cannot do, and why we are not *allowed* to defend ourselves when enemies cross our borders, kill and kidnap our people, and launch missiles at our cities (all of which was happening for a year/years BEFORE a single Israeli soldier set foot in Lebanon this summer) - because it might upset the pore arabs who, after all, must be placated at all costs.

Sorry. Oops. I went off again.

I'd really better stop. I have to get ready for a surprize birthday party. Whoopie.

I'm listening to some high pitched pipes, I think, tootling in the distance.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06