I'm grateful for: beautiful mornings; possibilities; doing the next right thing

It's 6am and I've been up all night. Eliyahu squirmed, and I'm bleeding again, and the dogs were a problem, and... Yeah. Mostly, I'm bleeding again. A couple of weeks off and it's like I've forgotten how to cope with it. I don't *want* to cope with it.

We did manage to create some minor amount of order in the house last night. At least John got 8yo John to sleep, and I believe Adam slept at a reasonable hour as well. I can't be sure, I have no idea where he is sleeping these days. It helps, for sure, but nothing makes it easy when I have to cope with the buckets of blood in the company of five non-family members. Last night I had to ask John to get Adam out of the bathroom, because I had to get in there. No fair perhaps, but there are two other rooms with toilets in the house, and another full bath. And this one is the only one on this level, and I need to be able to get in there and hose myself off at fairly frequent intervals - ESPECIALLY if we are sharing the house with other people.

I dunno, sometimes cutting my throat seems like an easier solution - there would be a lot less blood. I'm joking people. Well, not about there being less blood. There probably would be.

I figured something out last night about me, and something I want in my life that I've been looking to John for and being upset that he doesn't provide. I don't care to go into details, I'm pretty dopey from lack of sleep. It was just interesting seeing the process as I went through it. I'm definitely better, and better is good.

I have a group of friends I generally keep in touch with via email, all of whom are disabled. With a variety of disabilities, and different life situations and so on. There is one woman in the group I particularly liked hearing from. Her relationship with her husband seems/seemed similar to mine, and she had a lot of experience to share.

Apparently last night her husband announced he was buying/had bought (I can't remember which) a motorcycle. And she's all about divorcing him now. I mean, he wants a motorcycle. Yes, he was in a bad accident on another bike one before, but, I mean, you know he was into motorcycles when you married him - or at least must have gathered something in the last twenty years of living together... So now, she's going to leave him because he has/wants a new bike. I dunno. I feel rather like throwing up my hands in disgust.

I mean, she wants to leave him, that's between her and him. But, I mean, if she had motorcycle issues all these years, what - did she just button up and pretend it was okay? Has she spent the last twenty years unhappy with him because he rides? Like I said, I don't get it.

She says 'he's found the motorcycle that will make his life complete.' It sounds to me like she's jealous of the bike. Okay. Whatever. Don't divorce him for being an abusive, insensitive fuck, divorce him because he wants a bike more than you. Or something like that.

I doubt that he wants the bike more than he wants her. I really doubt that he understands that it's that black/white a choice. I can see how he wouldn't.

Aah, but anyway. I was kind of hoping I would eventually lie down and get *some* sleep, but now Eliyahu is lying down diagonally across the bed. The queen-size bed. And there is literally no room for me on it. How do they do that? (Children). He's definitely big for a six-year-old, but he's still six. And they were all able to do it. Amazing.

I took a stab at another Hebrew book and had no luck. I did manage to get almost all the way through one of the little four page easy readers. Almost. Havva looked at it and confirmed that it was incomprehensible, at least to us, so I don't feel so bad. I may claim it as a book I read, anyway, 'cause I did read everything in it I could. It's about a goose that 'meets' (gets hit by) a car. And the little girl washes the goose and makes it all better. Obviously the person writing this one has never lived with geese. :-)

My car was once attacked by a goose, which kept me treed (as it were) in the road for quite some time before another car drove along and it left me to attack that one. Of course my car wasn't hurt, but I couldn't move. Me, I love geese, and I want twenty of them. But I'm unlikely to wash any of them. ;-)

One of our houseguests, Benjamin, is leaving motzei Shabbot (after shabbos) to go back up to Haifa. He has an appointment with the misrad hapnim (ministry of the interior) about his teudat ze'ut (identification card). I figure what with the war going on and all it's probably moot whether they will even be there, and if they are, doubtful that they will remember about his teudat ze'ut, and have it all ready for him when he gets there. Still, as he said, he has to go just in case. It's a big pain, but he says he'll come back down when he's taken care of some things up there.

Maxine's family has a possible invitation to go stay with a bunch of other families from up north at the yeshiva here on our yeshuv. Yeshiva is a school, and yeshuv is a village, and they both come from the root word lashevet 'to sit.' In case anyone cares.

Anyway, I have no idea of Maxine would want to move to the yeshiva. It would mean access to regular meals (they serve three hot meals a day to the refugee families there), and probably a bit more privacy than we can manage here. But there would be no amenities. Like the movies, and books, and computers. Of course they could always come down and visit during the day if they did go up there.

Maxine and Darryl have been going up to the yeshiva for meals for the last day and a half, it's a question which is easier for them I guess. We won't know until after shabbos if there is even room for them at the yeshiva, but it provides a nice thing to think about - the possibility that I could have my house back without waiting for the war to end. On the other hand, I would only want them to leave because they want to - NOT because they felt unwelcome or that we had pushed them out. And we are ALL willing to keep putting them up as long as it takes if necessary. It's just that, well, it's pretty crowded. You know.

I'm going to have to stop, I'm getting a cramp, and besides I have to go to the bathroom again. I wish I could just move in there for the duration, but given that I've bled non-stop for months, that probably wouldn't really work. *sigh* And I get to keep taking those joyous iron pills.

It was supposed to be hotter on Friday, and it wasn't. So happy the weather folks were wrong this time. Just really quickly, I got up and made it to the shuk with John, Simcha and Eliyahu. We got some dvds, and some fresh produce and fried chicken, and then drove to Kfar Saba to run a couple of errands (fresh sunflower seeds, Yum!), and then made it back home before eleven. I then spent the rest of the day being a vegetable. No, really. A rutabaga, or some kind of squash, maybe. Definitely NOT a vegetable marrow. Yuck.

And we watched the second Pirates of the Caribbean for the Friday night movie, and a good time was had by all, even if my body was fighting pretty hard against me.

Lovely birds are singing outside my window, and pigeons are cooing, and that's what I am listening to. Okay, and Eliyahu talking at me.

I'm listening to birds, as I said. And Eliyahu. :-)

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06