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Honey is Sweet What fun - 2006-08-20 I'm grateful for: all five kids in my room and finishing the jigsaw puzzle; a bath and my hair washed; the hope of some alone time tomorrow It's two o'clock in the morning. I really tried to get to bed earlier, I was aiming for around midnight. Tomorrow, if all goes well, John will be bringing all the children to the beach, Neil is going out - whether to the beach or not is not my problem, and I will be all alone in the house for a few hours. It will be only the second time since we moved in here that I will be alone in the house. Lots of news, some good, some not-so-good, but it's too late and I'm too tired, and maybe I'll manage to write something tomorrow while the house is mine. I can hope. Healthwise, things are not good. And tomorrow is supposed to start the worst heat wave of the summer. Just btw, Israel doesn't usually have 'heat wave's in the summer. It's just hot, terribly hot, is all. So this is something special, to go along with everything else that has made this summer special, different, and difficult. I wish I could just, I don't know, not think so much maybe? I don't seem to make myself happier with my thinking too much of the time. Of course, then there are the times when my thinking makes a huge qualitative difference in my level of happiness. Like tonight, I figured out that any time I am worrying about my worth, or whether I am producing enough to justify my existence - all those kinds of sick thoughts which grow naturally out of my upbringing - I am insane. And what I need to do is not to try and justify my worth, or argue with it, or any of that, but to just ask Hashem to take my insane thoughts away. As often as necessary and as hard as possible. I really don't need that kind of craziness in my life. I really am going to go, now. Write more tomorrow (later today) I hope. I hope I sleep. I hope it isn't as bad as they are predicting. Or that somehow Hashem has a miracle for getting us through this new challenge. What fun. Good night. I'm listening to Princess Superstar: Coochie Coo 0 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
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