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Honey is Sweet Changing - 2006-09-30 I'm grateful for: nothing special; yet another possible new home; things changing, however slightly, with Neil, and life It's almost 4am. I've been up almost all this time playing Kingdom of Loathing. I know, I need a life. Today was another hard to define day. I guess because things are changing, shifting a bit and I'm a little unsure of where I stand. I woke up late, not too late. Pretty much everything that had to happen for shabbos happened without me. I did find for Simcha a couple of recipes and print them off. So we have devil's food cake for tomorrow, and had yummy chocolate chip cookies today. The house isn't precisely clean, but it's not as bad as it has been. We have food in the house. John talked to his father who is going to send us a couple of dollars. Can't hurt. JW (my fil) says that we don't want him co-signing on a loan or to be in anyway associated with his credit report. Apparently he had a very nasty run-in with the I.R.S. He won his case, eventually, but in the meantime the I.R.S. put something in his credit report about outstanding unpaid whatever, and it's not pretty. So it goes. John also talked to the Loan officer at the bank. I have to say, the whole loan thing isn't looking good. *sigh* What can you do? Put one foot in front of the other and trust in Hashem. So we do. Patty, the very nice lady who was staying at our place in Vermont has moved out and will be closing it up for us for the winter. I am very sorry we were unable to spend more time there this year, but I guess what I need to do is be grateful I got to be there at all. Another time there will be more time. And, hopefully, more money. We can but hope. Still dizzy. Yeah. We watched Roxanne tonight. Good movie, but, I hate all those squirmy moments when you just want to fastforward 'cause it's just painful to be a part of. It has a happy ending which is important, and of course Steve Martin is wonderful. After the movie, John read some Animorphs, and I ended up having some rather odd talk with Neil. It started with him complaining about this, that or the other. I have just about had it with his complaining. And I pretty well told him so, along with a few home truths about worrying more about what is wrong with other people than working on himself. It's funny, though, when he said something about having been complaining his whole life, I just about melted, and I ended up holding him on my lap (he's shorter and smaller than I am), and hugging him, and telling him he doesn't complain enough. I also pointed out that while he is busy complaining about people, places and things, what is really going on, fundamentally, is that he picked up and moved to Israel, which is terribly hard, terribly stressful, the first year is hell, the second isn't any better, and to basically stop being so hard on himself (and everyone else). It turned into a rather sweet conversation. He called me the best big sister ever. We talked about losing parents and complaining and how much we hate doing it and, oh, I can't even remember it all. In the middle of all this various of the children wandered in. Some of them wandered out again but then they wandered back and soon we were having a five-way conversation (Neil, Simcha, Zechy, Hans and I) about sisters and magic eye books and oh, I don't remember that, either. Nothing very important, but it was nice, very nice, to be all together and interacting with each other. John was asleep on the sofa throughout, and when I suggested that someone had to go upstairs and get Eliyahu up to go pee, Zechy volunteered - to wake John up. So John got El'yah up and then went to bed. The children and Neil eventually drifted off to bed (after midnight before the last one had gone). And so here i sit, now, 4:10am, just wanting to be asleep myself. I have no brains, they are not working. Some of that is definitely the need for sleep. And, isn't life strange? Nothing really changed today, nothing happened, but I feel so different. Oh, and we do have plans to go to a moshav south of Sderot on Sunday to see if it will be our place. All day long as they heard of it children were volunteering to come. So I guess we'll have a full car. I'm glad the clocks are changing tomorrow night. Don't panic, it's not changing anywhere but in Israel. But we are going to have that extra hour, hopefully to sleep, tomorrow night before going off to see this place. Hmmm. Please, Hashem, let it be the place, or at least let us find it soon. Still dealing a bit with memories, although they've changed, shifted a bit since writing it all down here. I guess I just needed to do that. And, oh, hell. Enough of that. It's funny, I talked to Tzvia about my mother selling my sister and I, and she didn't really blink. I think she was a little bit shocked, but didn't know how to react or respond. I have this new policy, I'm not going to lie or pretend that my life wasn't what it is. And, other people are going to have to cope. Or not. Tzvia coped, thank goodness. And we have plans for Michal to spend the night during Sukkot. Happy girls. Eliyahu's birthday is next Wednesday and I am utterly and completely unprepared. I suppose Simcha will bake a cake, and the kids will manage to find gifts. I hope John and I can. It's that much harder during the holidays. Fortunately a package from my mother arrived for El'yah, so we know he will have something special. Unless my mother sent only zingers, but I feel that is probably unlikely. The eternal optimist, that's me. I'd better stop now. The world is spinning and I am light-headed. My favourite. Not so much nausea, though, so I will be grateful for that as i head up to bed, perchance to sleep. Goodnight. I'm listening to Donovan: Sunny Goodge Street 0 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
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