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Honey is Sweet

- - 2006-10-21

I'm grateful for: a little bit of rest; finishing copying The Sims Living Large; only two more days and then a real rest (I hope)

Last night I made an effort to catch up on some of my buddies here. I attempted to leave a couple of guestbook messages as well, but for some reason the system wouldn't let me.

I ended up falling asleep over the computer, however, so for the moment I am giving up on keeping up -- if that makes any sense.

I don't know if I wrote about this ongoing email thing with my mother. At the moment the ball is in my court. She sent me a short - one line - email of amazing toxicity. Or not. Depending on how one chooses to read it. I know she intended it to be thoroughly toxic, but I don't have to read it that way if I don't want to. She is a truly vile human being, but what can one do? She is still my mother and she is not at this late date (she in her second-to-last email reminded me that she is 68) suddenly going to change.

So I haven't figured out what to write to her, how to respond. I am sure that I will respond, and I trust that Hashem will give me the right words when the time comes. There is a poem Floodtide quoted with the line "let the more loving one be me." Hope I'm not mangling it. It's been ringing in my ears. The thing is, one doesn't expect to use this sort of thing with one's own mother does one? Still, it's a good prayer. I certainly don't want to be *less* loving than she is. And, it's an opportunity to practice the kinds of things I keep telling other people to do. Isn't that fun?

The bitch wants/needs me to be the bad guy. Well, I don't have to play the role assigned. I have no control over how she sees me, but I can bloody well make choices about how I will see myself. Let the more loving one be me.

So, a lot has been happening, as evidenced by the fact I haven't been reading or writing very much. Thursday time was spent on the phone planning and strategizing dealing with the truant officer, making arrangements so that hopefully in a couple of weeks Simcha can go visit her friend Michal, and of course driving back down to Shoqeda. I drove the car to Petah Tikva with Hans, where we met Havva and John. The driving went well. There was a bad moment when I kid riding wobbly on his bicycle could have upset my balance and caused another attack of vertigo, but I managed to somehow keep my focus. Other than that it was an uneventful drive.

John walked over from his workplace, and Havva took the train in from Tel Aviv and we all started out in good time. We arrived in Netivot quite early actually, and were told by the landlord's brother to drive right over to Shoqeda to view the house. So we did. The tenants were home and let us look the place over, very nice about it. The man (head of household, father) said the reason they were moving is that it was too cold in the winter. He said the house is colder inside than it is outside, and his wife has been sick the last year.

I have to say, that sounds good to me. The house is quite a bit smaller than this one, and better yet is divided into small areas which are easy to heat with space heaters. I'm not sure if they are more sensitive to the cold than I expect we are, or if they don't know the tricks of keeping a place warm. I think we will be fine there, actually.

A disappointment was the cottage, which is in no way habitable, nor will it be without a significant amount of work. There is no electricity and the plumbing is so old it cannot possible be workable. The roof is *not* intact, and there are or were pigeons nesting inside the house. Dry wall coming down all over the place as well. The door isn't even of any use, being merely cosmetic as far as I can tell. Which is to say it has a padlock attached to it, and is leaned against the doorframe presumably to make passersby think they can't get in. Not that there would be any reason to get in at all.

This means that we will all have to smoosh into the tiny little house. And, while it is not tiny perhaps in an absolute sense, it is quite tiny when held against the eight people with all of our belongings and furniture, not to mention the books, and cds, and movies, and the piano, and so on, that are going to have to be crammed into it somehow, at least until we can make some use of the cottage. *Sigh*

Still, we ended up deciding we would take it. How much of that came from looking up and seeing the stars I can't say. Here in Qarnei, if you see three stars it's unusual. There, on an overcast night, we could clearly see the dipper as well as quite a few other star groupings.

So we drove back to Netivot and met with our soon-to-be landlord. Much haggling ensued. I didn't go into the house, so John and Hans and Havva went in and they haggled, having gotten precise instructions from me. When they were stone-walled, they came out to let me know where things were at, and the haggling really took wings. He wanted us to pay three months rent at a time (every quarter). I shook my head and said sadly that we just didn't have the money. Which we don't. Once he saw I was firm, he immediately gave ground and agreed to the rent paid every month, twelve checks to be written when we signed the lease. Then there was the issue of how much rent, as he wanted to rent the cottage separately for a significant amount of money. And so on. I feel like we did very well, definitely helped by the fact that he couldn't understand English so we could talk amongst ourselves while he was there (I forgot to mention he followed them out of the house when they came out to tell me what was up).

It is possible that a Moroccan Jew with a lifetime's experience in this kind of haggling, and knowing what the actual value of the property is and what kind of rent was appropriate might well have done better. But I am satisfied. As was the landlord, who went away with a bit of a twinkle in his eye.

We are to drive down on Sunday evening to meet with the landlord and his son (who will write the lease), to sign the lease and provide him with the twelve rent checks for the house. The cottage will be rented separately once it is useable and we are to fix it up. Havva is to come with us to hopefully translate when we can't communicate (the landlord's Hebrew is frightful as well). He expect me to come into his house. I hope I can make it. This has been a long, stressful, physically difficult week.

John phoned the OB and I will have to get in to see him and probably then we will be scheduling the surgery. I don't want to have a hysterectomy. I don't feel okay about messing up Gd's handiwork. I also am angry that in all this time the damn dr.s haven't come up with some better treatment than just cutting things out. Sometimes it seems as if they actively seek out excuses to cut out our wombs. The history of the hysterectomy as a medical procedure is not a good one, but they keep doing them. Seriously, why can't there be some form of therapy, or medication, or hormones to control uncontrolled bleeding? I think it's because they have this treatment - the hysterectomy - that they (the dr.s) are perfectly happy with, so why bother looking for something different?

If it was something involving the breasts you know it would have been investigated every possible way twice by now.

*sigh*

But anyway. I cannot continue to live like this, that much is quite clear. And this is the solution that is available to me.

***

Got interrupted, and I didn't want to risk losing it. Sorry if anyone ends up only reading half, but then if you do, you don't know you missed anything. It works.

Yesterday, Friday, wasn't the kind of easy day I've come to expect and appreciate. John took Eliyahu to the shuk, but was unable to find any pants at all for him. Eliyahu spent today in pajama pants because he had no clean pants to wear. He is desperately in need of new pants. Tomorrow John will have to take him (and possibly me) to Ra'anana perhaps, if only to make sure he has one good pair of pants to wear when the truant officer comes by on Monday.

Then the rest of the day was rushed and unrestful, in part because of the thing with my mother, in part because of sundown coming so early, and another part was just generalized stress. About everything. John made taco filling for shabbos and Simcha made cupcakes and Havva made brownies. We watched three episodes of Twilight Zone which was really great. I can't remember much more. I read some Megamorphs. And besides that I just can't remember. I did try reading favourites and that's when I fell asleep at the computer.

Today, Saturday and Shabbos, was quiet and more restful. I couldn't sleep in because of the bleeding, but I did spend a couple of hours alone in my room just chilling. The kids and I worked an easy 500 piece jigsaw puzzle. More Megamorphs was read. John read aloud to me from a book he's been working on for a while, a story from World War II of a bomb disposal/intelligence soldier and his experiences after D-day. He and the marines on his ship didn't get to go ashore until the day after D-day. What a thing to tell your grandchildren.

Ellen came over for a very pleasant visit, and I went out with Havva so she could practice driving a bit. We agreed to make an extra effort so she can practice driving more often with a hope that she will be comfortable enough with a stick shift to get her license without much bother when the time comes. She wants her license by February I think. Hashem willing it will work out.

I talked to my sister briefly. I had emailed her the complete correspondence between mother and I for feedback and an opinion. Just 'cause. I know with mother I can't always trust my judgment, too many feelings riding on it. Diana basically told me her thoughts, which were almost identical to mine. Funny. Either it's a case of great minds think alike, or maybe I need to find someone more objective for feedback. Only, who else do I know who knows me and also my mother? Neil and John, and I already refer things to them.

No sign of check from mother. I wonder if it will actually come? I wonder if she will have stopped payment on it? Enquiring minds want to know.

I'm reading a good book about a French soldier who escaped from Vietnam to England to fight the Germans in WWII. He had to escape because this was after the Vichy French government surrendered. It's a wonderful book, and fascinating. His view of England and the English as an outsider is delightful (he loves them) and his description of what his experience of the war is like is more vivid and real than most I have read so far.

I'm falling asleep over the keyboard again tonight, so I'm going to stop this rattling on. Drat, and I'm doing this in the edit window, so I'll have to put in the paragraph breaks myself. *sigh* There is no rest for the weary. Or something like that.

I'm listening to Eliyahu's sleep breathing

0 bleats so far

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06