I'm grateful for: a pleasant day; wonderful children; a good nap

I'm up way too late. Again. It's not that I didn't try, I've been in bed for a couple of hours already. I have to be up early to finally go to Kfar Saba for the blood tests, only there is no way to make myself fall asleep.

Is it nerves, or it is memories? I've been dealing with a lot of gut pain, and I really think it is just that I am terrified out of my mind for no apparent reason. Okay, I have the truant officer, and this business with my health and the on-again-off-again surgery. Not that it was ever really 'off.' It just seems to keep getting put off farther and farther.

But that's not why I am terrified. Why? There's this stupid thing with our main creditor in the U.S., who we finally reached an agreement towards making minimum payments for the rest of our natural lives, only they never sent us the paperwork. At least, we haven't received it. And in theory we are supposed to be making the first payment for November 1st. Argh.

There is moving, which is scary, and finances which is scary. But all of this has been true for a long time. Why am I so bleeding terrified now? I don't know. I am not enjoying it, either. It's not like having a panic attack or anything like that. It's just lodged somewhere in the back of my mind, adding stress to everything and coming out in quiet moments to make life miserable. *Sigh*

Today actually was rather nice. I woke up early-ish. But kept the door shut and enjoyed some quiet time by myself for a couple of hours. Actually I read some diaries - still not all the way caught up, but a heck of a lot closer. Had a quiet breakfast, and then moved into the den where we finished (several hours later) the jigsaw puzzle. I am really liking the way we all do this together. It's the best thing for a shabbos - the whole family doing something together, that we all enjoy, but is basically stress-free. Kids come or go as they feel like it. John doesn't actually work the puzzle with us, but he did read aloud, finishing one of the WWII books, while we were working it.

I took a nap, I don't know if it was long or short, but I went to sleep with the sun out, and woke up in darkness. I watched an episode of Waiting For G d with Havva, and catalogued books with Zechy and wached a Twilight Zone episode with John and Zechy (not one I would recommend, sadly).

My mother wrote me one of her weird little emails - two sentences that make no sense because she is asking me if some dog is mine. ??? I don't nkow whether or not to answer, and if I do, should I answer with another nonsensical hopefully humourous email. Not tonight's problem, of course.

And I read some myself. Mostly when I would have been falling asleep if I could. I am tired now, but not sleepy. I guess I'll read some more, or else do some crossword type puzzles. Either one often helps me to fall asleep sometimes.

And that's all for tonight. Goodnight Gracie.

I'm listening to the raindrops falling outside, still slowly enough to hear individual raindrops.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06