I'm grateful for: A visit with Sally; roller skates for Simcha (Diana's getting them for her in the states - we can't find roller skates in Israel); having enough money, sort of.

Today felt less than successful, but I don't know what that is about. I got a decent amount of sleep maybe eight-and-a-half hours. I played a lot of Kingdom of Loathing, but also managed to be downstairs for kiddush, and did a 300 piece (small for us) jigsaw puzzle in which all four older kids participated. John read some of Eight Cousins, and finished reading Farmer Giles of Ham aloud to Simcha. He also read a bunch of Animorphs, finishing a three book story which definitely went a bit long to me. But there, I'm older than twelve.

I read a little bit of my latest from-the-navy-library book Eight Bells and All's Well. It's a story which should be fascinating, but it does drag a bit. He's a professional navy flyer, not a writer and it shows. The author is the man who commanded the ship that captured the U-505 submarine that is now on display at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. I used to love going there when I was a kid. Not many things from my childhood I wanted to share with my children - that was one.

Sally came over for a visit around sundown. It was a really nice visit, actually. She talks twenty to the dozen, and is scared of her own shadow, but she is a really original personality and a very good person. In and out of regular chitchat, we talked about what she wants to be when she grows up. Her kids are pretty much out of the house (the youngest is sixteen). And she has recently been given a wonderful gift - relief of pain from an acupuncturist she's been seeing for some months. So she has a whole life opening out in front of her, and, as I said, she's afraid of her shadow. It was really nice to be able to give her just a little different perspective, which in turn seemed to make her much happier.

My best friends are people who genuinely like me (important!), and to whom I feel I have something to offer. Truth is, I don't know very many people like that. 'T'sokay, though. When I have one or two, I am truly blessed.

Balta M'tukah is settling in reasonably well so far. Chamudah spends a fair amount of time barking at her, warning her off of Chamudah's toys and bone (that I wish she would just chew already and get it over with). But she is an easy-going dog who responds when she understands what is wanted of her. It's hard, in a house where up to eight people might be yelling at her at once, and she's never worked with any of us or been properly trained. I do try and make suggestions to the rest of the family - like yelling at her to 'come' when she has as yet no idea what the word means, and then just repeating it over and over ... isn't helping.

Best would be if one person would work with her, training her, and then when she understands what is expected of her, she will be a happier dog and we will be happier dog owners. The problem is, I am not up to it, and no one else in the house can or will do it. Simcha would be the best bet, but she's really too small. *sigh* John's hopeless, Havva's in the navy, Hans is leaving, Zechy hasn't the interest or the temperament and there you have it. Simcha. Don't even ask about Neil. If I were able-bodied - even if I were just having one of my good patches - I could probably make a big difference. But, that is not what this is.

At least, we only have to cope with her in the house until we move - a matter of weeks. And then, she can herd the chickens to her heart's content! And the chickens will actually be happier once they get used to it, because it means they can free range as long as she is there to guard them and keep them together. Cool. In this case I am relying on instinctive behaviour she has already shown - herding small animals together whenever she could get free to do it. Those other people --- shouldn't have ever gotten the dog. It would be better to be able to train and hone her herding behaviours, but after all, they are chickens.

There was a meeting tonight. I showed up for the last twenty minutes of it or so. I was hurting so bad I just listened. Which was good. Afterwards I talked a bit with a couple of people about acceptance and trusting Gd. Which was a lot of fun, and I got to go a little Dalai Lama on them. Heh-heh. I'm so all better now. ;-)

I watched a wonderful episode of Waiting for Gd with Havva, John and Zechy tonight, and then just sat up finishing off my adventures in Kingdom of Loathing 'cause I wanted to. Damn. Whatever that was about I've now forgotten after hitting the wrong key on the keyboard and then having to reset my browser preferences. *Sigh* Computers are not all joy.

I must sleep and I don't really want to. I feel as if I haven't done enough today to go to sleep. It's silly, but it's a feeling, it's not about reality. I guess a whole lot of it is about being a crip. And hating it. Yeah.

I'm way unthrilled with this bleeding 24/7, too. I don't know what to do about it, though. Somehow phoning the dr. and demanding that he operate on me right away doesn't seem like quite the next right thing to do. I suppose a big thing here is to be grateful for everything I have, and to not be projecting horrors into the future about trying to move house while I'm bleeding buckets and all the trouble and travail that entails. After all, it's not happening now.

I need to get some sleep. *sigh* I hate ending the day on such a negative note. I just feel rotten, and I am tired of this bleeding. If the damn dr. is so sure that surgery is the right answer than we should do it already, and stop this bullshitting around. Every day I spend bleeding like this is a day I lose from my life. I cannot live a full life when every trip to the bathroom entails a full change of clothes, rinsing the blood out of whatever I was wearing, hosing myself off in the shower and getting dressed again. I spend more than half the hours I am up in the bathroom. And I'm sure it's not a wonder I don't leave the house more often. I am SO sick of this... I think I am starting to hate my dr.

Still, I don't want the surgery either. I really wish Hashem would step in with some kind of a miracle here. Any kind. Just to get me out of this hellish hell I am living in.

Now I sound ungrateful to myself. Here we are finally being able to get out of this house and neighbourhood we've been dying to get out of almost since we moved in, and already I'm complaining about something else. Except, well, you know. It's not like this is a new complaint.

I am not improving my take on life here. Damn, I want something to look forward to tomorrow. It has just been a crappy day. No, most of the day was okay. It's been a crappy evening. And I feel like crap. Too much damn crap.

I'm not listening to anything but my own laboured breathing which sounds like John Goodman playing the president in West Wing

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06