I'm grateful for: Surviving yesterday; our quiet rural neighbourhood; computers, the internet, the web, and all that stuff.

Whoa, what a time it's been. I can't believe how much pain I am in. That's because of yesterday. I can't believe it because it is so slight. Yesterday was from hell. I spent hours, literally, driving around Jerusalem unable to get to where I was going, unable to find my daughter Havva I was supposed to meet so she could take Zechy to a Steven(sp?) Hawking talk at the university. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. Not the Steven Hawking talk, the driving.

Then, when we finally managed to meet up, it took me over two hours to drive home again. It was just completely awful.

Still, it could be much worse. The sun is shining in my window. I love the morning sun. And I am not nearly in so much pain as I should be after all that. Possible in part because I just lay in bed and comforted myself for about four hours afterward, which was a nice thing to do.

I read a book by Nina Kiriki Hoffman, A Fistful of Sky. I dunno. She writes well, I was certainly drawn along and interested in the characters in the story. Then the ending, such a letdown. She introduced fairly early in the book this magical character who apparently can do simply anything. Which, by the end of the book seems more like a cheap trick (kind of like the sonic screwdriver) to get out of anything. And there is no point. I get to the end of the book and I don't see any change, any growth, any point to having followed this character through her various vicissitudes (another word I can't spell). So, I hadn't intended a book review here, but there it is. I won't say I wish I hadn't read it, but the woman needs to work on her endings, I think.

We still have stuff at the old place. I think I am giving up. I mean, John may go back and pick more stuff up, but I just can't put any more time and energy into it. The boxes of stuff are out. Except perhaps for some fiber, which I would hate to lose, but the truth it is may be years before I can do anything with it anyway. And we haven't a lot of storage space here.

Okay, WHY I spent so much time driving yesterday. Havva and Zechy were going to the Steven Hawking talk. And I had arranged for Simcha to spend the night with her friend Michal in Ma'ale Adumim. We had grocery shopping to do and John was to pick up what was supposed to be the very last load from the old house.

First thing in the morning, John drove Havva to Ashkelon, to the train station. He came back and Zechy, Simcha, Eliyahu, John and I went off to check out some of the grocery stores and supermarkets in close driving range. We ended up in Netivot, where we actually did almost all of our shopping at one store. It turned out to be dreadfully expensive, but did carry almost everything we wanted. Nothing in the way of meat that I could eat, though. What a waste. So since we didn't need to go to multiple stores, I found myself with extra time on my hands.

I phoned Tzvia, Michal's mom, to see if us coming out early and visiting for a bit would be okay. She was delighted, so I loaded up the car with Zechy, Simcha and Eliyahu, and as much food as I could get them to bring (an aside: does anyone else have trouble getting their kids to bring food for long car trips? I have to keep sending them back for more and making suggestions that maybe a small bag of pretzels and two oranges isn't enough for the several hours we will be away from home).

We drove to Ma'ale Adumim, which is a few minutes past Jerusalem. The whole drive took about an hour and twenty minutes, and took that long because there is construction along one of the highways I need to take. Had a nice but brief visit. Zechy and Eliyahu and I left to do a little bit of shopping (for more food, as Zechy and Havva were going to be eating supper on their way to the talk in Jerusalem). And drove off to Jerusalem.

That's where the day takes it's sharp downturn. Have I mentioned here how much I hate Jerusalem? How much I hate driving there? How just about every time I go there I end up getting lost and taking three or four times the amount of time it should to get anywhere? And how desperate I always am to leave it and how hard it is to get out of? Well, if I didn't, I should have.

Jerusalem is a walking city, not a driving city. I can't walk and the driving is hell. It is just completely awful. In a nutshell.

The first thing I did coming into the city was take a wrong turn. Very easy to do. Easier than making the right turns. Somehow we managed to sort of dead-reckon across the city to get to where the central bus station was, but that was where things really got bad. The driving already was so slow Zechy could have walked it faster than I drove. Sitting absolutely unmoving for minutes at a time, then inching forward a car length or two or three, then back to sitting, waiting.

We missed the central bus station. And had to turn around. Only there was no place to turn around. None. There was no left turn and no U-turn and a 'T' intersection where I was forced left, but no opportunity to change direction. Seriously, none. You'd have to have driven there to really appreciate how impossible it is. And the whole time, moving so slowly. Knowing every foot I move forward I'm going to have to retrace going back.

Obviously I eventually managed to turn around, and we eventually made it back to where the bus station was. I followed the signs. Big mistake. The signs led us to the back of the building where the busses enter and leave, but there is no pedestrain access. In other words, wherever Havva was, it wasn't there. And then the nightmare of trying to drive around the building (it literally can't be done) and her trying to walk around the building (ditto) and us having no way to get to where she was and, well, it was a bit beyond frustrating. I ended up crying at the end of it just because I hate it so very much, and how many hours can you do something you hate that much and not react? And, since I could scream or curse or blow things up (not with Eliyahu in the car), I cried. There simply are not words for how much I hate the place.

Havva finally figured out a way to get to where we were. It involved walking quite some distance away and then returning presumably along some of the one way streets I couldn't go up to get to where she was. She and Zechy collected food, assorted stuff, reassured me several times that they would be find and would have a great time, and then I was ready to begin trying to leave the city.

Since you've already had almost a blow-by-blow of driving around the city, let me just say that the trip that took at most a little over and hour going to Ma'ale Adumim took more than two hours home. Part of that was that I was so tired I didn't dare try passing when I got stuck behind a slow truck because I couldn't trust my reflexes or my judgment. But mostly it was just the hell that Hashem always seems to inflict on me whenever I drive in Jerusalem. It happens when I am a passenger and John is driving, too, but obviously that isn't quite as exhausting for me.

Oh, gosh, have I mentioned yet that I got my handicapped parking permit? This is playing hell with my denial. "I'm not *really* crippled, I'm really just lazy like they always told me, I just need to push myself a little harder, stop walking like I'm and old lady, change my attitudes..." Somehow getting on disability four months after we moved here, and now getting the parking permit in almost record time doesn't add up to be just being a slacker. *Sigh* Why won't these people just make me able-bodied instead of supporting me in my laziness? ;-)

I spent quite some time on the phone last night with Bat-Tzion, an American woman who lives on the other side of the moshav. It was actually nice to be talking with her. It's a bit of a challenge, because she is persona-non-grata on the moshav a bit. Socially to spend too much time with her would be very bad for our whole family here. While I don't want to make our lives more difficult with the other people here, I am not willing to be mean or anti-social because other people don't like her. I don't actually like her very much myself, but she is not evil or malicious, just really ignorant of how to go on in any society and a bit pig-headed. And a bit of a know-it-all, which can be really hard to take since she is so utterly clueless about so many things.

In any event the conversation was fine and we have a loose date to go into Be'er Sheva together some Thursday to go to the shuk, and also to find the misrad rishui - department of motor vehicles sort of thing.

Wow, I have completely run out of steam. And John has to drive me to pick up a few last-minute things in Ashkelon (Hanukkah gifts for the three youngest). Later. 'Bye.

I'm listening to the dryer running, Eliyahu singing.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06