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Honey is Sweet

A very long day - 2007-02-22

I'm grateful for: Surprizing myself by doing so well; cheddar cheese; the new Dr. Who.

I went over to my old diary tonight and wrote an entry there. Nothing really important, and now I'm not sure I have enough energy to write much here. Famous last words, I know, as I end up being as wordy here as ever no matter how I start out.

Today was, well, difficult. John went in to work, and I was not feeling very well. Zechy was off at work, Havva went for her driving lesson. I did sleep in a bit, if it counts as 'sleeping in' to get almost 8 hours sleep.

I actually amazed myself. I did very well. Got a bunch of laundry done. With a lot of help from Havva, Simcha, and Zechy, but still I did it. I got a bunch of work done on the computer. Nothing earth shattering, but it's nice to have less stuff hanging over my head.

When I spoke to John on the phone after 5pm, and he was just shopping at Hetzi, a store in Petakh Tikva, it was apparent he wouldn't be home for supper. I was just about -- anyway I managed to make some supper for the youngest two. I made something for Zechy, but he slept through and Havva ended up eating it. I finished Eliyahu's supper which wasn't really enough, but I don't actually need more food. Okay, I do, but I can't help myself when these opportunities come up to not eat and fantasize that somehow I will lose weight. Silly, but we need our fantasies.

I managed to cope with getting up repeatedly, for supper, for various small crises. I managed to keep myself from grumbling or fussing, or catastrophizing - just did the next right thing, and made it until John came home. Oh, heaven, I was hurting. I bit his nose off a bit - some he had coming, some probably not. But he's lived with a crippled wife for over two decades - either he can deal with it or he can't. I'm not going to feel (too) bad about not being perfect and perfectly calm when I've just exceeded my specs so magnificently, and am hurting to boot.

The evening was quiet. John finished reading that book to Eliyahu, which of course I can't find now. I asked John to leave it here so I could at last write down the title. I wonder where it ended up? It was a very good story about a ghost in a hotel. Well, not so much about the ghost, although he is a main character.

I've started to read Passage by Connie Willis. I have my doubts, since it's such a long book, but I liked it the first time, and it's not like I'm reading it for a class and have a deadline. I do wish I didn't hurt so much, and could do more, and could sleep at night, and ...

But there I go. My life is not easy. But it is good. Sometimes it's harder than I like to focus on the good. Sometimes I'd like to grab a couple of the able-bodied and crash their heads into something that *really* hurts. But, it wouldn't do any good. I'd still be disabled, and they would still be clueless.

I'm hungry. I think my solution tonight is to go to sleep, though, rather than to eat something. It's not about trying to starve myself, it's about being just too tired and hurting to try and fuss up some food. And there is absolutely nothing here handy.

I eat way too many Oreos and drink way too much Pepsi. Which is maybe four Oreos and 1/2 a litre of Pepsi a day. But, dammit, I have to have some sort of treats, don't I? Tonight I surely do.

I'm going to go to bed before I become enraged at my whining. It's just the pain talking. I need to not let it do that so much. It's not like anything it has to say is informative, helpful, or uplifting.

So I'm going to try and get to the bathroom, and get to bed, and if I manage to brush my teeth that is gravy. *sigh* The things the able-bodied take for granted.

(Don't mind me. I don't actually have anything against the able-bodied except that I am not one of them.)

I'm listening to Orchestre Symphonique De Montr�al, Cond. Charles Dutoit: playing Symphony No.6 in B minor, Op.74 "Path�tique" by Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky

0 bleats so far

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06