I"m grateful for: an income tax refund; Hans at Jessica's; John going to work tomorrow.

I just finished I can't even count how many emails. I've been typing for at least four hours. It's good, and many things I should have taken care of weeks ago are done. Whew! I'm not sure how much typing I'm up to here, though.

The two hardest emails to write were to my mother and Melanie. Mother requires no explanation I'm sure, and Melanie is a friend who had said she would help me keep my head screwed on straight through all the changes life is throwing at me. Unfortunately she took the first opportunity to tell me I have to dump my husband and questions almost every decision I've made in my life without bothering to ask me about why I might have made this or that decision.

I understand that she left two abusive husbands. And I certainly appreciate this is a big deal. It does not, however, mean I have to leave a husband who is no longer overtly abusive, and may even be becoming almost a partner. Maybe not, maybe never a real partner. But it's been my choice - not so much to stay with John as to follow what seems to be Hashem's will for me. And that has been to stay with John so far.

So anyway, writing to Melanie is almost more stressful than writing to mother. *sigh* What is it I have about maintaining stress in my life? Or at least stressful people. The thing is, having asked Melanie to help me out, I don't feel like I can now tell her to get stuffed. Hopefully Hashem will have an answer for this, too.

Hans phoned today, he is at Jessica's. Jessica is apparently going in hospital for tests, and Hans is going to stay and help out around the house and with the kids. I hope it all works out. I don't know what Jessica is having tests for - one of the things about living across the ocean from someone I guess - you miss out on a lot of things.

And Havva may have a job. There is a libaray in Netivot that is moving and setting up in a new location (yes, duh, I know that that is what 'moving' means). Since that is what she just finished doing in the navy, she is quite qualified and they are looking for help. So she is phoning tomorrow for an interview. It would really be wonderful if it works out.

Havva suggested that Willow, the kitten that Hans adopted looks pregnant. And now I have a huge worry. I couldn't afford to get her spayed. I certainly can't afford to get her and all her kittens taken care of. I didn't want him to adopt that kitten in the first place. I can't even think about it right now. I need to turn it over to Hashem because it is seriously going to cut up any serenity I might have had.

And the income tax refund showed up today. Hurray! Not enough to take care of a horde of kittens, but it will certainly make buying groceries less stressful this month. Thank you Hashem.

I've got to stop, I am so tired there are no more words. Good night.

I'm listening to Geula Gil: Tzena Tzena

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06