I'm grateful for: a loving family; getting more things unpacked, organized, cleared out; being with the chickens, if only for a little bit.

I got to bed early last night and was up by 8:30 this morning. Almost like normal people. I spent a good chunk of this morning in bed, though, feeling really rotten. Story of my life. Zechy did the laundry, and did a great job as usual. Havva cleaned the house as much as she really could. About 10am, I'm guessing, John came in with the kids and a cake and wished me a happy birthday.

Since I don't really know when I was born, we can celebrate my birthday pretty much any time, and I don't worry about it too much. It was pretty nice, the cake, baked by Simcha, was delicious, a marble cake with chocolate frosting. John had forgotten (or hadn't bothered) to tell Diana when we would be celebrating my birthday, so I insisted he phone her. I didn't want to be in the position, tomorrow night, of having to explain to her myself why she hadn't been told when the birthday celebration would be.

There were a bunch of nice little gifts from the kids. Eliyahu gave me two toys he didn't want anymore (which is how he picks all presents - we offer to take him somewhere and buy something and he doesn't even want that). Simcha made me a handful of candles and some candle-holders. John bought me some nice candles. Havva has given me a promissory note on a pair of earring of her own design. Zechy went out and picked up a bag of fleeces with Havva's help. The bedouin shear their sheep and just leave the fleeces lying on the ground wherever, since they are just shearing them so the sheep can make it through the summer and have no interest in the wool. Wool makes the very best mulch, though, so I'm going to put a bunch of it around the base of the peach tree, and hang on to the rest of the clementines I want to plant in the back.

It really was very nice. I'm feeling guilty that because I was feeling rotten and the crowding and everything I didn't gush at and hug everyone enough. Ah, well. I'll try and make up for that tomorrow.

I talked on the phone with Malki yesterday. Mostly about her having a plugged duct and one of the kids being sick. In the course of conversation, I mentioned something mother had done once when I had a bad case of the hiccups. Typical mother, not even worth repeating here, what makes it worthy of mentioning is that I was just chatting with someone and I talked about something that happened in my childhood and it was just that. No gasping, no pause while someone had to collect her thoughts or figure out how to respond to this really awful thing, no breathless waiting for the judgment by whoever I was talking to. I was able to, for once, just talk about something that happened to me and it didn't have to be an event. Which made it an event, if you know what I mean. I really need more of that in my life.

I can't converse normal with people when a chance comment of mine will cause everyone in the room to stop breathing, you know? And I'm not going to lie and pretend that my life was anything different than it was. And I just can't any longer sit still and not say anything ever in order to avoid provoking comment or difficult reactions. I *like* being able to just chat with someone. I want more of that in my life.

After the birthday party and also recovering from the birthday party, I joined the family in general house cleaning and organizing. John brought in a bookcase from the small house, and I got most of the things that had been piled along one wall in the office into it. There are more things still - a couple of bins of legos, my quilt in a bin, the copier... but It's much better looking and the kids have a much better shot of getting at things that they may want.

Zechy helped me with that, and I had to rest and recover and eat something afterward, but then I went out to the cottage and helped straighten and organize there as well. John set up the remaining bookshelves along one wall, and the set of shelves he built to hold the cd's. He unpacked a bunch of books and I unpacked a bunch more and all the cd's and we got our vinyl albums put in the old record cabinet and got rid of a bunch of extra boxes and found the rest of El'yah's toys which moved into the house and the beach toys and generally it was an all-in-all satisfying experience.

John's back has been hurting him a lot. Don't really know what else to say about that. If it doesn't feel better by Sunday night, I'll probably suggest he go to the chiropracter we saw in Kfar Saba. Hashem willing, he'll feel better.

I did make it out feed the chickens, and although it was a little bit rushed, there was still enough of the peace and joy that I get. It really helps to make my life a better place.

I need to try and get some sleep so that I can hopefully be more present with the kids. It's not so good when I've gone off in my head because I can't cope with life today. I do it more because I am in pain, but sometimes I do it because I just can't cope with the kids, or people in general I guess. I suppose it happens to everyone, but it still bothers me.

Tomorrow we have a new jigsaw puzzle to do, and some books to read, and all the new games we found that the kids can play if they want to. And hopefully rest and sleep for the weary parents. That's one of the things you need grandparents for - or family anyway.

I'm listening to the keys clicking while I type.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06