I'm grateful for: knowing it's not my fault; The Care and Feeding of Dragons - Eliyahu's bedtime story book of the moment; a package of Fig Newman's in my room.

It's 1:31am and I want to sleep. But I don't. I don't know why I don't, but I have to admit it to myself. I am sitting up, awake, despite burning eyes and being so tired I need to sleep for a month, because some part of me, or at some level, I am completely unwilling to go to sleep if I can help it. And so far I can help it...

I guess I don't have to understand it tonight, just admit and accept that it's there. That is the truth of (some of) what goes on when I sit up far too late at night. I can't fix it or change it, but I can ask for help.

I've been in a bad mood these two days. I haven't really wanted to share it with anyone - it doesn't really help me and there's already quite enough unpleasantness in the world. Today we went to the zoo late, had a fairly good time, got home late. Zechy stayed home alone. Simcha had a good time visiting her friend in Ma'ale Levona. Zechy and John took the first step in getting Zechy his teudat ze'ut (identity card).

I've decided I need this to be locked, at least for now. I will have an unlocked diary, but not this one. And so it goes...

I'm feeling homely and lonesick, and I don't want to be alone. Oh, well. It's not like it's ever been up to me.

Scary thoughts in my head. I did the very best I could by my kids. And that's all I could do. Please, Hashem, let it be good enough.

I'm listening to the fan that blows continuously in my room.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06