I'm grateful for: Jessica; surviving a full day; my chickens.

One minute before midnight. I'm being eaten alive by mosquitos, and the heat is killing me.

Today was a very eventful day for me.

Woke up early - I needed to be up for 7:30, but I woke up at 6:30. I lay in bed dozing, and having rather unpleasant dreams. At least they *were* dreams - not more yucky stuff from my past.

John and Simcha and I made it out the door in good time, actually I think we were pulling out the driveway at 9:01 when we had said we needed to leave by 9am. Pretty good for us.

Simcha and I both had dr.s appointments. Before that John and I went to b'tuach leumi - Simcha had an errand to run at the post office - to get a statement of my disability income for the bank for a mashganta - mortgage. It all happened in record time as the security guard at b'tuach leumi just jumped me to the front of the line (being in a wheelchair has it's priveleges sometimes). Then when we got up to the dr.s office (they are in the same building), his 10:00 appointment, the one before us, hadn't shown up. So we got in early and out quickly enough.

Simcha has a nasty collection of bumps that irritate, itch and sometimes bleed on and between her toes and a few on her fingers. Turns out they are some sort of allergic reaction, dr. says they are common enough (here?). She has a cream that works, has already given her some relief, and so that is good.

I have a (whisper it) yeast infection - as always the result of taking antibiotics - but I never remember that when the dr. initially prescribes them. Probably 'cause I'm too busy being sick from whatever I'm getting the antibiotics for. Also a new scrip for my thyroid replacement and a clean bill of health regarding uti's, kidney and bladder malfunctions and so on. If only I could do something about the diarrhea, but that's not as bad as it was... I've never had good luck with my digestive system from front to back, so there it is.

We drove straight home after that, John worked, I rested and sorted laundry, Zechy got the laundry in the washing machine and so forth, Simcha and Eliyahu did whatever they were doing, proper unschooling and everyone practiced a little Hebrew today.

I took a bit of a nap between 1:30 and 2:30 (or I'd never have made it). Our friend David made it home from hospital without us, and we headed off to Be'er Sheva, all of us together this time. I had an appointment with the reflexologist, and along with getting a longer than usual treatment, I practiced my Hebrew a bunch. It's still pathetic. I had to ask the word for 'return' three times, having immediately forgotten it each previous time. Very depressing, but there it is. We also made it out the door within a minute or two of our hoped for leaving time for Be'er Sheva. Pretty darn miraculous, I think.

We picked up some toys and school supplies (crayons for Abby and Zack, and work books for Eliyahu, tape, I can't remember it all), and then were drawn irresistably across the mall to the book store. It was inevitable, I suppose. They had both versions of the Harry Potter books, the English and the American. Havva is bringing home with her a copy of the American, which I ordered from Amazon.com to be delivered to her for a fraction of the cost of a book here. But, there it was ...

We have friends who have actually compared and found that there are not just minor differences ('boot' vs 'trunk' for instance), but in some cases substantial difference between the two versions. I have no idea why, and I doubt anyone has a sensible explanation. Anyway the long and short of it was we HAD to have both versions, and we bought a copy of the English Harry Potter today for way much money. Oy. As if we could afford it.

Then we had to head to the kenyone haNegev (Mall of the Negev) to get Simcha a replacement battery for her watch. I elected to stay in the car while everyone else went up, since it is so bloody time-consuming to get me and the wheelchair in and out, and they were literally in and out of the mall in a fraction the time without me.

Home again, the goats had been locked up when we left, but the chickens had all gotten out of the coop. Fortunately not too much of a crisis, as they are creatures of habit, and as soon as I started pouring grain into the coop, four of the five (all the hens) hopped right back in to start eating. The rooster was a bit more difficult, but by leaving him alone, and waiting 'til it was getting closer to sundown, he eventually sidled up to the coop and stepped in, just as if he'd just happened on it and was taking a casual look in. It was precious, really.

I left out the part where Jessica called me. She wanted to have that talk with me. She wanted to whine and cry on my shoulder and I'm not sure exactly what she thought she wanted or had intended but I ended up giving her an earful or two, which mercifully had a happy ending.

I said one or two soothing things first, but then gave her a right zetz in the tuchus (kick in the butt, for those with no Yiddish). I told her she had to be on her own side, and she had to want to win. I said that Valerie had declared all-out war, and she had to put off trying to be 'fair' or trying to 'get along' and fight to win. I said I knew it was hard, and it wasn't fair, and it shouldn't ought to be like this, and that all of that is irrelevant.

Then she whined at me and said it was hard, and she'd been fighting for years (because of the abuse) and she couldn't take ten more years of fighting, and she needed to have a reason to go on, she didn't see any point - And I lit into her like, well, I don't know what, but like something. I said she had two children who were bloody well worth it, and yes it's hard, and yes I get tired of fighting, and yes life isn't fair, but if she didn't think she was worth fighting for those children certainly were, and they wanted their mother back and she was the only one who could get that for them.

There was a pause then, while she sobbed. I listened and prayed and waited for her to tell me how awful I am and how much she hates me, and after a while said 'I'm sorry.' And the miracle was that she said 'I'm sorry' too, and apologized for using me. She said she'd needed a kick in the butt and she'd manipulated me (her word) into giving her one.

John (who was listening at this point) and I both told her she was awesome, and we were very proud of her. She wanted to know for what, and I told her that she had identified something she needed, correctly figure out where she could go for it, and gotten it. I told her I don't manipulate. (Truth) And that the most important thing to me is that she had said 'thank you.'

And to think I have said I wouldn't have liked her if she wasn't my daughter.

She said she felt bad for using me that way, and I said that's what imas (mothers) are for. What might be the sweetest, or maybe I mean the most bittersweet thing, is that she called me 'mom.' I've always been Lorelei, or ima to her, Valerie was 'mom.' A useful verbal distinction and also a way of defining our separate places in her life. 'Mom' was the one who had been there when she was hurt, and sat up with her at night. 'Mom' was a relationship that couldn't be threatened by anything that I did. I think it is terribly sad for Jessica, and truly pathetic of Valerie that she destroyed it by her own actions.

After that Jessica got off the phone so she could get ready to go see As You Like It. I'm jealous. No, not really. I've been to see my share of Shakespeare live. But I do love As You Like It, and I've never seen that one performed live. Ah, well.

Back home, we worked on regular household things. Eliyahu got a bedtime story, and John and Simcha made the fudge to send to Jessica and Hans (we're sending it all in one package, let them sort it out). John cut a bunch of greens for the goats tomorrow. We have to keep them in the shed because they keep escaping the yard and annoying the neighbours. *sigh* Well, only one particular neighbour, really.

We need a proper fence. The New England adage that good fences make good neighbours most certainly applies here as well.

So I've probably forgotten a few things, but that's okay. I'm going to stay up way too late, even for me, and read a bunch of Harry Potter. I've promised the kids they can have the book tomorrow, so I'd better hop to it. I don't expect to finish it tonight, but I want to make some fair amount of progress.

I'm listening to The Clancy Brothers & Tommy Makem: The Parting Glass

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06