I'm grateful for: staying detached as much as possible; a day without phone calls; plenty to drink.

I want to write about John, but I don't know if I can. I got quite a shock today. John said something really awful to me. No, that wasn't the shock silly. Then a little bit later he came in to apologize. That wasn't the shock either. The shock was when I looked at him, working on his apology, and he literally looked terrified. Peeing in his pants scared. I didn't know what to make of it and mostly I still don't.

It disturbs me in all kinds of ways. I couldn't even begin to write them all here. How out of character it is for him (not that he should be terrified, but that it should be at all visible) is the only one I can really put down here, now. For all I know he's spent every last time he made any sort of apology or attempt at an amends in that kind of pants-wetting terror. But if so, I didn't know it. It's not that I'm not paying attention, but that he is that sealed off. Or has been.

Anyway, today was pretty awful. Besides John being horrid to me, the weather was bad, I didn't get anywhere near enough sleep again, the power went out for the whole moshav for a while.

I did manage to study a bit more Hebrew. And watched a couple of good Star Trek episodes and the movie Two Weeks Notice, which was really good. We all liked it except Eliyahu, who didn't like it but it dragged for him.

I need to try and get some sleep. I'm having no luck writing here.

I'm listening to Westlife: Change the World

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06