I'm grateful for: a day of rest starting tomorrow night; digesting my food properly this week - I think; knowing I have Hashem who can take care of what I can't.

I'm behind on reading all my buddies. I'm behind on everything, including sleep. Today was an exciting trip to Barzilai hospital in Ashkelon for me. I was supposed to be having a pre-op checkup, but two dr.s there decided that I didn't need/shouldn't have a hysterectomy, but they could do the cauterization (ablation) instead. I roll my eyes. The upshot is I'm completely wiped out, have been poked, prodded, had bits of the inside of my body snipped and scraped - Again! - and instead of being on the road to having this whole thing finished I'm home again, bleeding heavier than before, with another dr.s appointment to schedule for more tests so that I can go back to Barzilai in a couple of weeks to see yet ANOTHER dr. who will decide whether I can have the ablation, or not, and if not why not and what to do instead.

My favourite moment (one should always get some humour out of these things) was when a nurse or assistant or whatever-she-was explained to me that doing a hysterectomy on me was a problem because I am so large and they might have trouble finding the uterus.

Um.

So I did have a little bit of fun with that one. The first thing that came out of my mouth was "What am I, the Crimea?" No idea where that came from, but I am glad she (nurse/whatever) didn't understand enough English.

I'm tired and frustrated and angry and in pain and, well, just trying not to think about it too much. Today we celebrated Zechy's 17th birthday, and tomorrow we are taking Zechy to see the third Bourne picture with Havva and Simcha. John and I have already seen it, and I don't think it would be okay for Eliyahu.

Then, shabbos, Hashem willing, I will finally sleep.

I can't even begin to describe the rest of this week, but sleep hasn't been very much a part of it. Trips to two different hospitals, the dentist, birthday celebrations (besides Zechy's), visiting, shopping, and more have been very much a part of it.

Sunday Zechy has his first appointment with Lishkat Geyuse - I can't think what that is in English. He's meeting with the army for initial tests and possible placement. I'm elected to drive him there and hang around 'til he needs a ride home. Then some people from some safe driving group are coming to the house to lecture me on the correct way to sit next to Havva while she is driving as a 'new' driver. Which she is not, of course.

As far as I know there is nothing on the schedule for Monday, Barukh Hashem, because that gives me one day to stay home and, who knows? Study some Hebrew? Talk to my kids? Get some housework done? Sleep? Bathe? Then Tuesday I'd better start with the dr.s appointment and tests that the dr.s at the hospital say they want. I'm not sure it would be worth it if I thought I WOULD actually get some relief at the end of all this from the bleeding. Since I don't believe it, that makes it that much more miserable.

Still, what to do? I have to take the steps that appear in front of me. *sigh* Now I'd best try and get some of that desperately rare sleep so I can somehow cope tomorrow. Maybe?

I hate feeling this way.

I'm listening to Madonna: Deeper and Deeper

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06