I'm grateful for: stuffed animals; things just keep getting better; a really good book to read.

Gosh, it's before 11pm and I don't know what to write. We've had company this weekend, an 8yo boy with ptsd, but I honestly think the more serious problem is his mom. It makes me very sad to say that. Even if this boy throws a flaming temper tantrum he can't get her to pay a lick of attention to him. I suppose if he hadn't been kidnapped and held for some months people would just put him down as a 'bad' kid, instead his behaviour is blamed on his trauma and no one actually tries to do anything to help the situation.

I've just concluded however much I want to help, there is very little I can do. Having him here isn't good for S3, and that has to take priority, at least for now. If I haven't got enough time and energy for my own kids, then I'm going to have to turn this one over to Hashem for now. That makes me sad, too.

Another sad thing. Two small kids whose mom was utterly neglecting them (leaving them home alone, no food, no attention, no first aid care, the house a nightmare and so on); well the father - who had been absent, we don't know where or why - came up to TH today and asked TH why we hadn't phoned in social services for the kids. Truth is, we'd tried. I don't even know what to think about a father like that.

I talked to RS and FB today. Not so much fun stuff. RS told me that she'd spoken to our mother, and the first thing out of our mother's mouth was to say that she (mother) loves me more than she does RS. She meant it for a joke, as much as she is capable of joking. I don't know what to think about that, either.

I have company coming over tomorrow. Kids who don't need saving. Yeaaaa!! No, seriously, I've arranged for one of S3's 'normal' friends to come and spend the day with him. It doesn't make up for the time we've had the other boy in the house, but I know he will love it, and will probably be better off for it. The mom is a friend of mine. Not a very close friend, as she tends to do all the talking, and we don't always see eye-to-eye, but enough of a friend that I can spend several hours in her company while the kids play, and be glad of it afterward. Most times.

Tomorrow night I'll be finding out, I hope, how it went with the woman in Mass., who is waiting to hear if DSS is interested in taking her daughter away. If all goes well (I don't mean for her, unfortunately, I mean for me) that will be the last for a while and I'll have two or maybe three days of not having to think or worry about anyone's children but my own.

It's a sign that I am feeling better since the surgery that I can even think about how much I want to be able to focus on my children and what they need. Mostly attention and a little help with schoolwork at this point I would guess - it's not like I've been neglecting them really, but just being stretched too thin. I want to help S3 with his reading and Hebrew aleph-bet. I want to do math with D3, and go over some of 'Godel, Escher, Bach' with S2.

I've been coping with some really bad pain for about three or four days. For years I've had this pain, and always assumed it was related to either the bleeding, or problems with digestion. However at this time I am not bleeding, and my digestion is actually working reasonably well - as well as it ever does. But I have the pain. Which means that it is probably some other problem still which is causing it. I'm not surprized, but a bit frustrated. How many separate problems can I have, especially that can't be blamed on the M.S.? Quite a few, apparently.

The pain is quite debilitating. I have the drugs the dr. in Ginot Shomron gave me which definitely help, but don't make it go away entirely. I have an appointment with the reflexologist tomorrow, which will hopefully help as well. It has in the past. And however debilitating the pain is, it is certainly less debilitating than the bleeding was, or the pain + the bleeding, or a full M.S. relapse. I can still walk for instance.

I don't like pain. Just a thought.

On a completely different note, I have so many good friends now that I don't quite know how to believe it. I am delighted, to say the least. I don't know when it became real for me, but I can actually feel that I am not alone any more. Cool.

The cat is driving me nuts, scratching away at a door somewhere, and no one is taking care of it. I don't want to get up, but I will if I have to. Argh.

I'd better just stop. Tomorrow I hope I am better enough to go outside. I hope I don't *have* to go outside because the goats have escaped or anything like that. Oh, it's before midnight and I am tired. That's good.

I'm listening to the dryer running, such fun.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06