I'm grateful for: a wonderful thunderstorm; goats and chickens to feed; a few good ideas for taking care of myself.

First thing I want to say is I think I have finally figured out a couple of things I can do that will make me materially happier. One is making sure I have more food/treats for the critters. Giving the goats, chickens, dogs and cats treats is one of the things I do that actually make me happier. I ened to make sure I have more and better treats - things I can give them without worrying about bad effects on their health, and that aren't too terribly expensive.

Another thing is I want to get some sort of exercise machine. I keep dreaming about being able to exercise, but the absolute truth is that there simply isn't anywhere in the house I can do floor exercises, or much of anything really. I want a stationary bicycle, or something I can lie on my back and work my whole body. I have an appointment with a dr. to talk about diet in the next few weeks (I don't remember when) and I hope to find out something then. It would really make me feel better, and happier, if I could do this.

There were forty-three rockets and/or missiles launched at Israel from Azza (what you call Gaza) this weekend. I don't know all the statistics, but I do know that of 8 mortars launched at a community right near the border fence, six of them fell short of the fence. They bombed themselves six times for the two that hit inside the community. No word on injuries or damage, which probably means nothing serious, but you can never tell.

Thank goodness our enemies are as inept as they are.

We had a really good thunderstorm starting Friday evening. I was outside feeding the goats and the chickens when it started to hail. Two of the hens took shelter under the eave of the goat shed instead of running to the lool (chicken coop), so instead of running for cover myself I shooed them into the lool, then locked them in, made sure they were sheltered from the ahil, and made a run for the house. The first thirty seconds of being hit by hail was kind of fun. The next minute-and-a-half not so much. Ouch.

The thing about having a good thunderstorm is the thunder. We generally don't talk too much about the 'booms' we hear at the house. We are not in any danger (much more likely to be mugged in NYC, even with decreases in crime), but it frightens S3 because he doesn't really understand the whole thing. But with the storm/s, I felt pretty confident when I heard what sounded like a long roll of thunder saying 'sounds like thunder.' Nope.

It was most probably those eight mortars. My best guess is that mortars are louder than the kassams, because we sure hear them loud. And I don't think they are that much closer than what lands around Sderot - although obviously closer than the one that landed in northern Ashkelon.

I read today a headline that Bush says he will defend us (Israel). My first though is f*** that. Why can't we defend ourselves? How many industrial countries would just sit there while someone launched missiles over the border at their cities and do virtually nothing? I blame our stupid gub'ment more than anyone, but it really is ridiculous that Israel daren't defend herself because the rest of the world has it in for us already (making us the bad guys, I mean).

I would never claim this is a black & white or all good guys vs. bad guys situation. But get real. They are bombing us. Every day. For seven years now.

I am so-o very greatful that our enemies are reasonable inept - and that our defense forces are so good. When they are allowed to do their job.

Today was a bit hellish. Last night I was a mess between my ears, bad enough that I started phoning people on shabbos, trying to find someone I could talk things out with. Well, I phoned and phoned and finally ended up talking it over a bit with D2. I HATE that. D2 says she doesn't mind, it's okay with her, but I would so much rather just suffer than lean on my kids. Well, that's not Hashem's plan, so there it is.

As soon as I'd finished telling D2 the whole thing, and then having a bit of a sob about having to lean on her like that (I am pathetic, no?), the phone rang. Well, it was MMF, for anyone who missed my whole long history (I suspect most people who might read this), MMF is someone I've known for twenty years, someone with multiple personalities and sometimes a friend. Or some of her is a friend? Something like that.

So I told MMF that I needed to talk something out, and proceeded to tell her the whole tale, amid many interruptions and irrelevant comments. Talking to MMF is a bit challenging to say the least, and no less because she recently suffered a 'brain bleed,' and some brain damage as a result. It was not entirely unhelpful, in that while I don't think she necessarily said anything helpful (she kept insisting that the problem was my pride and that i needed to sleep to make it better), it helped just to say it, and to practice patience and love and understanding. In fact what I ended up getting from it was a couple of good insights into me - ways in which I don't value or accept myself that need serious work, and a better grasp of that fact that Hashem can use just about anyone to get through to me, I don't have to understand how or why, I just have to be open and to listen. Cool.

But, I didn't sleep last night. I was still awake after 4am, so that counts as no sleep, even if I did eventually for a while.

The day went pretty well. I didn't really get out of bed, which sucks, but S3 played most of the day with his friends either at the playground, or other places elsewhere, which made the house quiet. Having D2 home was a treat, as always, and we all worked a bit on our jigsaw puzzle, which we've been puttering over weekends for a few weeks now. Anyway, that was all good.

After sundown, things weren't so good. I had to phone my mother (having ignored and/or not returned her calls during the week), and then D2 wanted to phone D1. Then came the beginning of a long and much-interrupted call to my sister. We spoke for a while, then we got of the phone together to participate in a conference call with FB, LL, and another woman who is unlikely to show up again here. After that I phoned my mother back (she had called during one of the other calls), talked to sister again, was interrupted by - I can't even remember, D1 phoning back, and ... a friend from here in Israel phoned. I can't even remember.

It was frustrating, and no fun. Talking to mother was as pleasant as always (which means, not). RS (sister) at one point ended up crying about how badly mother and Lloyd treated her, by treating me badly and including her in it, if I remember correctly, and also because Lloyd had sent her a nice card. What can I say? Lloyd sending me a nice card wouldn't have changed anything. He is still, to the best of my knowledge, not my father. And he clearly doesn't want to act like one to me. So, f*** him. F*** them all. I am well out of that particular family grouping.

We also talked about the possibilities of RS moving here. I'd like that. I think. I've certainly learned a thing or two since FB moved out. I feel reasonably confident that we could make it work, at least for a time. Hmmm... RS says she is waiting to get fired. I really hope she isn't (the company is outsourcing her department) but if that were the trigger that got her over here, I wouldn't complain too much. It would be a pity, in that she has just about paid off her car. *sigh* I wonder if we could afford to bring it over?

Wow, I've been typing for quite a while, it's after 2am, and this is more than long enough. I'm going to try to get to sleep before 4am today. ;-) Wish me luck.

I'm listening to Sylvester: You Are My Friend

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06