I'm grateful for: being able to sleep in since I need to; not letting people down, at least once or twice; D2's weekend at home (she didn't get sick and she did get some sleep).

It's a ridiculous time of morning, after 3am. I didn't fall asleep last night (this past morning) until after 5am. What is up with this?

I guess it doesn't matter so much, as that I have to deal with the fact that it is happening. Fortunately I can sleep late tomorrow, but I would so much rather not. I miss so much of the few daylight hours, and all the lovely morning sun.

I probably have lots of news, but I can't really remember right now. D2 was here for the weekend, which was lovely, and is leaving way early tomorrow. S3 came into my bed having a bad dream after midnight. Then he peed in my bed around 2am. So I do have a good reason for still being awake - and I am finally winding down to sleep. It''s a pity it takes me so long, but it does and that's just a fact. I need an hour or two to wind down to the point I can actually fall asleep, almost no matter how tired I am. Hopefully I'll finally 'get' it, so I can stop writing/talking about it and just include it in my mental map of my life.

I have a new pigeon, someone who is starting to work on herself and the problems in her life, and is looking to me to help, offer guidance and perspective, and show/tell her what I did to get where I am today. It's pretty cool, really, that there are people who actually see me as someone who has something they want, someone to look up to or who can be relied on. I know I should probably be at least starting to get used to it, but it still gives me such a lift. I suppose it's a sign of how little 'ego-boo' I get in my life. Or maybe it is a really cool thing. I can't tell.

BJ, my sil, phoned me in the middle of the night 'cause he needed someone to talk to. He didn't call his own parents, or a friend, or his shrink, he phoned me. I should point out that it was the middle of the night here, but not there. But he knew it was the middle of the night here, and felt that his need was great enough to be worth waking me up. He thought enough of me, and he unloaded on me pretty well. I'm not saying at 1:20am I was so thrilled to get the phonecall, but I am thrilled at the implied compliment.

I can assure you, this is not a regular thing for me. It's hard for me, too, knowing that because of the M.S. I might not be able to bet here for people, even my kids, when they do turn to me. So I don't actively encourage people to lean on me. I'm really afraid of letting them down. I've sure done that enough for one lifetime.

Well, I'm going to stop before I start getting into the wah, wah, woe is me stuff. Yes, my life sucked rocks before, but it doesn't now. And despite being really pissed off/depressed about my body letting me down again, or rather being the way it always is rather than better like I want it to be, I have all kinds of things to be tickled about now.

I really am tickled.

Now I have to try and get some sleep.

I'm listening to Belle & Sebastian: Sukie In The Graveyard

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06