I'm grateful for: D3 being better; York peppermint patties and chocolate covered raisins; good dental cleanings for the younger boys; nowhere I need to go, nothing I need to do.

What I didn't write in my last entry, or failed to write clearly, is that it's not that TH hates me or despises me. It's that I have the feelings *associated* with when he is hating me and/or despising me. He hasn't said or done anything particularly to cause the feeling.

As if often the case, the problem is me (my feelings) rather than him (his behaviour). Or rather, often the case these days. in the bad old days it certainly was his behaviour.

That is an awfully nice change to be able to write down.

I still don't trust it. I still remain braced, and I wait for the stress to mount up and his good behaviour to slip. It's only sensible. If he keeps this up for a good long time, then perhaps I will be able to let myself relax. For now each day that he is not abusive or attempting to be controlling is good, and I remain vigilant against the signs of recurring badness.

Nothing much happening today. I didn't get enough sleep last night, but then who is surprized about that? D3 is doing much better today, she even made it to the bathroom once all by herself (other times she needed someone to support her). Thank goodness for arnica (homeopathic remedy). If I'd only had some last night perhaps she would've been able to avoid the hospital trip.

I had a bottle of arnica in my bag, as I always do, but it chose last night as an uncommonly bad time to run completely out. *sigh*

I've managed to dress, sort of. At least I am decent for visiting young boys, friends of S3's. And that's about it. I feel wretched. Lack of sleep and the body just being stretched beyond what it can reasonably do. I wish that meant I was getting strong. I'm going to try to exercise some tonight, wish me luck!

Pain, pain, pain. I AM tired of pain.

Another nice thing about life in Israel - pain is listed as an 'official' symptom of M.S. Turns out most dr.s here DON'T repeat the official mantra 'pain is not an M.S. symptom' that was drilled into me in the U.S.

I ran out of my liquid supplement from the nutritionist, and I want more. The stuff tasted AWFUL beyond belief, but since I've run out my digestion is not a happy place to be. Want more yucky stuff, now! *wry grin*

I'm so-o tired, I shouldn't even be trying to make any sense. Well, I guess I'm not. Trying I mean. Enough. Will write more later.

I'm listening to Editors: Dust In The Sunlight.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06