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Honey is Sweet Cranky - 2008-04-26 I'm grateful for: a few moments alone this morning; catching up on sleep (I think I am); surviving another Pesach. I don't know if I'm okay. I'm tired, and maybe that's to be expected as I am just starting to catch up on my sleep. My mind doesn't always seem my own, but lack of sleep and stress and all the changes certainly could contribute to that. I'm back to having pretty serious financial worries - as unpaid bills surfaced on my desk, one after another. I rarely lose track of things like that. I drove up to Petakh Tikvah to deliver D to his mom, and ended up picking up D2 and driving her back here, so my house isn't any emptier, although the visitor is definitely less of a stressor. My body is shot. Well, THAT's a surprize. *NOT* *sigh* So it's shabbos, and I just paypalled some money to a fellow who's not working and has a mountain of unpaid medical bills. I feel badly, about violating the sabbath and about giving away money that we could really use, but good that I've done something I really believe needed doing. There are plenty of people out there with WAY more money available than I have who simply can't be bothered, don't care, who benefit from things this fellow does but couldn't care less if he starves. He isn't starving. That's not the point. It's not a holier-than-thou thing either, I've been reading this guy and wanting to contribute for a while now, but couldn't justify it given our finanacial situation. I am counting on Hashem to bail us out, for sure, as He always has in the past, not necessarily when and how I might've liked, but we've not ever gone seriously hungry, and while we have been homeless, we've always had some sort of a roof over our heads. Can't argue with that. And that was a terribly run-on sentence up there but I'm too cranky to fix it. There are things I want to be doing, and I just can't. I want to be spending my time with my kids, doing the homeschooling that means they get me when they need me to answer questions and move them forward through things they wouldn't think to look at by themselves. I want to be writing (even here), and organizing my 'stuff,' and getting things transferred off of audiotape onto the computer, and knitting, and basically doing the things I love to do. I really, really can't. Part of it is physical, but more of it is the environment. Too noisy, too busy, too many people and not enough space for me to be me. I can't blame the husband, although he does have a LARGE role in this, so, okay, I can't ONLY blame the husband. I wish I knew better how to organize my life. I'm sure there must be some way I could manage my time and energy better. Mustn't there? It's too depressing. I know a lot of this is just because I'm coming off a week of guests and Pesach and too many people and not enough of the comfort things I am used to. Tomorrow TH and D2 and S1 go off to work in Petakh Tikvah, the house empties out (to only four people, two dogs and three cats. Empty, right. *grin*), and I will start to feel less pressure and more comfort. We're also supposed to be taking on another dog. LS, D's mom, has a blind dog, I may've mentioned before, I have no memory, and needs to find a home for him. NOT because he's a problem, I guess there is a neighbour problem. So the dog, Peppito, is coming here to see if he can work out here. We'd take him without question (if not entirely happily) except that while he was here over Pesach he jumped on and hurt S3, and not lightly. Not hospital type injuries, but serious scraping and bruising. So, we'll take Peppito for a trial visit, and if it works out (he doesn't hurt S3 when D isn't here) then we have a third dog. I *really* don't want this, but I've been braced for it anyway - it was somewhat predictable. I guess that's all my whining and complaining for now. Sometimes whining just makes me feel more rotten, but this was purging, so thanks. I'm going to try to take a nap maybe, or else I'll work a jigsaw puzzle with the kids. Good weekend, all y'all! Oh, and I forgot to mention the temperatures have dropped sharply. Yeaaaaaa!!!!!! We can breathe! We're not cooking in our skins! There is even a tentative hope of rain. Bliss. I'm listening to the rooster(s) crowing 0 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
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