Botticelli me thumbnail
- Profile -+- Notes -+-Archives-+- E-Mail -+-Diaryland-+- Fotolog -+- Latest -

Honey is Sweet

Did it - 2008-05-01

I'm grateful for: sending out the first stressful email; clearing some of the junk out of my room; finishing earlier than what I really expected.

I've just finally managed to send out the email. I can't say how hard that was/is. I can't explain why - I'm taking a lead in something, trying to start something, and my past experiences in doing that are very bad. Well, not recently, but over a long time before the recent past. So, I go ahead and do it, but it is really scary.

My whole life I've been doing scary things like this, with a stiff upper lip and apparently looking calm, cool, collected and at my ease. I say that because I've also got a life history of people insisting that I'm not like them, 'cause they're scared to do what I do. I'm no less scared, I just don't not do things because they are scary. Well, not entirely true, since I spent the entire day not sending out this email, but I did do it finally. And I have to do another tomorrow, which shouldn't be as bad, since it requires less of *me* to go into it. Or maybe it will be as scary or more scary. How do I know?

I just know that I don't have to pretend I'm not scared. The truth is I don't pretend to not be scared in my real life, it's just that whatever it is I need to do the scary things, I need to pull myself together to do it.

I remember taking a course in public speaking. This was in college. And the first time I spoke in front of a group I was definitely shaking, my voice shook, my knees were weak. No one seemed to notice. These days my voice doesn't shake.

Well, I would like to read some of my buddies, but it's after 3am. Earlier than I had projected. So that's good. I'm going to try and get some sleep, tomorrow is a full day of shopping and coping, and the pain today was really horrendous. I can only hope tomorrow it's better enough I can manage to drive, 'cause shopping for food simply cannot wait.

I'm listening to Mike Croachy (my best transliteration of the name, it's Hebrew). I can't even hope to translate or transliterate the name of the song. Its sephardi/Israeli, and, heck, I like it a lot.

0 bleats so far

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06