I'm grateful for: many friends and family who really like me; fans and mazganim (air conditioners); a timer on the television.

When I say I'm not talking to people, I mean 'real' people, and I mean specifically on the telephone. Back in the day I used to take crisis calls, and at it's height (about four years there) I could spend every single waking hour on the telephone. Not every single day, thank goodness, and of course I had shabbos (the sabbath) off because I didn't answer the phone very much - I would if it seemed to be truly life-or-death. So I have a rather different relationship to the telephone now than I had before that period in my life.

Being disabled, I have many more relationships with 'real' people that are mostly by telephone than I have with people I see regularly. The only people I see regularly are my immediate family and a very few of my neighbours. This is what happens when you live in an out-of-the-way corner of the world and spend most of your life in bed. So my real life friends are people I interact with almost entirely by telephone.

I periodically take a break from talking to my friends outside of Israel because the VOIP phone is a pain and occasionally the static is so bad I can't make out anything they are saying, and I just have to leave off for a while. So it's not uncommon for me to stop talking to people from their perspective. So I guess, when I'm talking about people not noticing, I mean my real life friends in Israel.

I'm not feeling hurt or upset, I was just curious. I suppose that they could each be so caught up in their own lives that they don't notice the absence of some phonecalls, especially if there is nothing in particular to call me to mind. Most of my friends have children and reasonably full lives.

I dunno. I still don't want to talk to anyone on the telephone. It is so intrusive, and it saps my energy and doesn't seem to give me enough in return. I made two phonecalls yesterday, and neither person answered and i was so relieved! Neither of them has called back either, which is fine with me. I was calling because I had to discuss something with each of them - with one of them it is her dog who is currently living with us. I hate the thought that I might have to call her back, but we must discuss the dog.

I'm turning it all over to Hashem. I now I can expect a phone call, possibly multiple phone calls tomorrow after sundown, from my sister, and possibly my brother, my daughter in the U.S., my mother, and/or U.S. friends I still talk to. Saturday nights are made hellish by the telephone. It's not even that I don't want to talk to these people (at least, all except my mother and, possibly, my brother), but like I said, it's intrusive. And tiring. And I have quite enough to be getting on with here already.

I just don't know. I know that I am grateful to have so many people in my life, loving people, people who care about me, people who want to talk to me, are interested in what I have to say, value my input, rely on me for support, and generally make the world a less lonely place.

Still, I hate the telephone, I hate talking to people on it. I don't mind talking to people f2f, and email isn't intrusive, I can ignore it if I want/need to. Okay, it's LESS intrusive. I need to focus my limited energy on my real life, here in my home. It's hard to do, and harder in the summer. Summer heat has hit here with a vengeance. The last two days the temperatures have reached 40C, and it didn't cool off last night.

Now I'm being talked at by one of my kids, and I have to/want to give her my time and energy rather than typing here.

I'm listening to D3 talking.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06