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Honey is Sweet

I should be sleeping - 2008-07-20

I'm grateful for: making progress, however slow, with Hebrew; a day of rest; reaching an accommodation with myself that seems to be working.

I should be sleeping, or trying to sleep, but it's I wanted to write something. Tomorrow is a fast day, I don't expect I will be fasting, though. I just don't think I can. I'll try to do a liquid fast, which means I'll drink but not eat. It is so hot, and physically I'm not in the best shape (not a surprize after last week).

I don't know if I wrote about my exercize bike. I got it back but they'd put it together wrong, and missing pieces. TH wrote a truly scathing letter (email) to the company, and they are supposed to be messenger-ing the missing parts for TH to put it together correctly. We'll see how that goes. I don't really have faith that they will send the right parts, even if we do get a package by messenger anytime soon. Tomorrow they said (someone phoned Friday morning), or Monday. I'm not holding my breath - oh, but I am hoping.

I stayed in bed today. It was hard, I wanted to go out to join the family for the kiddush, and I did want to do stuff. But, I promised myself I would take it easy and take care of myself after the last couple of weeks, so I did do my best. I didn't eat well today at all, though. Sometimes it's just like that.

I can't think very well what happened today. I studied Hebrew a bit with S2, listened to S3 read aloud from an easy reader book. He really is doing much better, but it hasn't yet all come together for him.

I'm so glad he's not in a school situation where he would be criticized or called stupid because at eight he can't read yet. I am willing to believe that school situations where that doesn't happen do exist - I have an open mind - but I haven't experienced or seen one myself. S1 was also a 'late' reader. D2 was reading by the time she was five. They are all different. S3 can do algebra better than D3 who is almost five years older than he is. I motivate him to work on his reading (and more his writing) by giving him math work that requires him to write things out. It works better than having him tracing alphabet letters, I'll tell you that.

Well, anyway, S2 and I finished reading the Robert Louis Stevenson book of essays that I started a while ago. It was just wonderful. I'd recommend it if I could only remember what it was called.

I just went and looked it up. "Virginibus Puerisque" and Other Papers, Memories and Portraits. Not the easiest of titles. I do recommend it if anyone can find it - I'd never heard of it before, and the copy I have was published in the 1930's I think. Of course I've always liked RLS, which helps.

I got to talk with a friend tonight I haven't really talked with in a long time. LL, who visited me here in Israel when we'd been here just a year. It was really great to talk. We didn't actually talk much about what we've been doing, instead we talked about changes that have happened in recovery. Learning to have fun, and letting go of fear, and relying on Hashem. She is having a wonderful summer at least in part because she's not taking on the problems of other people in her family (one family member in particular has drug problems and has been in and out of prison). I'm letting myself enjoy the good times I'm having, trying not to be guarded against the bad that almost inevitably happens whenever I relax and enjoy myself.

That last sentence should be in the past tense, but it was a truth of my life for decades - I'm not entirely ready to put it firmly in the past tense. And anyway I know that this won't last. If nothing else I will have another M.S. relapse, and then I'll be back to sitting in bed all day, having huge amounts of time to spend reading diaries (*grin*) and trying not to feel sorry for myself.

I can hear people in my head telling me not to be so negative and to have an open mind that this time I won't relapse. I won't even answer them. I've had more than twenty years to come to terms with my disease and to learn to live with it as best I can. I know what works best for me. If, for some reason, Hashem should decide to work a miracle and I don't ever have another relapse, I won't be in any way harmed by not planning for it. On the other hand, ... I said I wasn't going to explain. The people who would lecture me don't deserve an explanation. Enough.

I need to try and get some sleep. It is almost 2am now, and tomorrow is another terribly hot day, with the added joy of simply mountains of dirty laundry. *sigh*

I'm listening to John Anderson: They Spent Forever

0 bleats so far

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06