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Honey is Sweet

Racing madly to try and get some sleep - 2008-08-17

I'm grateful for: somehow not collapsing completely; a near enough beach for brief visits; life working out, even though I have no idea how.

Life continues at a mad pace. Tomorrow I have to be at the hospital for 9am to have stitches removed. Then, as long as we are already in Ashkelon we are going to go to the beach. I expect to spend the rest of the day doing my best imitation of a rutabaga. But, who knows? I've been meaning to take it easy and get some rest for longer than I can now remember.

Tomorrow we are going to an archeological dig. D2 is going to take the train down from Petakh Tikvah to join us. If I am able to go, I will. I probably shouldn't. Wednesday I have an MRI scheduled. Much fear. I am not afraid of the MRI, I've had them before. I don't enjoy it, but it's not a big deal. No, I'm afraid of the results. Dr.s are difficult people, and neurologists more than most. I am afraid that the MRI won't show lesions, or won't show enough lesions (I had a neurologist once who refused to call it 'Multiple Sclerosis' because only one lesion showed up on the MRI). They are only doing the head and neck - as has been done before (the MRI with only one), and as almost all of my symptoms are lower back symptoms I find it both stupid and terrifying. Terrifying because if they 'take away' my dx, then I am back to the state where I can't do anything but I am not 'officially' disabled.

I can't afford to lost my disability, I can't afford to go back to having dr.s, and social workers, and you-name-it trying to shame me into acting healthy. As if I wouldn't if I really could. It is SO bullshit. So I am very afraid of this MRI. I am very afraid of the power the stupid dr.s have over my life.

I can't really remember what I've been doing, but there has been a lot of it. Shopping, and cleaning, oh, yes, and a touch of the stomach flu, or else it was anti-biotic flu. I often get digestive problems when I have to take antibiotics. I can only hope this will be the last time in a while.

I have reached the point where it is no longer optional, I HAVE to clear a whole lot of space, about 20gb, off of my harddrive. So one of the things I am filling up my 'spare' time with is deleting music. Oh, the pain! But I must, and so instead of having the monstrous music library I now have, I will have a more streamlined version - eventually. With more of my favourites and less music kept for other people to enjoy. *sigh*

Someday, perhaps, we'll get our stereo equipment set up, although by then we'll probably need to buy it all new again. For now almost all music (everything except what we make ourselves) comes from the computer(s).

TH has almost finished with the ceiling for S1's room. I am just incredibly excited. Once it is all the way finished we can put all the fibre up in the attic, and S1 has a workable bedroom. It still needs plastering and painting, but that is cosmetic, not functional. Thank goodness.

Ack! It's after 11:30. I have to be awake at 6:30. Thanks to Hashem, cats, dogs, and antibiotic flu I haven't had a full night's sleep in longer than I even know. It has been that long. I am going to *try* to get to sleep now. Hashem help me get some sleep tonight, help me to get through tomorrow, and through the rest of this horrible, horrible summer. It's the heat, otherwise it's not THAT horrible. It is just horrible heat. Incredible. I do not belong in the desert. *sigh*

I'm listening to my fan and that's all.

0 bleats so far

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06