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Honey is Sweet

Oy - 2008-09-23

I'm grateful for: A bit of insight; a neuro who, while he may be crazy, isn't sharing it today; jungle drums.

A fellow came by wanting to interview S3 yesterday, and ended up talking to the whole family. He's from a Jewish children's magazine in the U.S. and was writing about living on a farm in rural Israel, or something like that. Anyway, it was kind of fun. Delightful to have someone who wanted us to talk about who we are and what we do. I know I relaxed and said more than I probably should have and certainly more than he needed. Afterwards I just felt awful - about myself for talking so much, for, I suppose, appearing (feeling) needy just at the end. *sigh* I didn't say or do anything in the least out of line. I'm sure it was unexceptionable really. But still, I had a hard time not hating myself over it, and generally concluded that I don't want to talk to people like that.

Today I had a conversation, brief, with MMF. She's a very old friend, but not much in my life these days. It was a very short conversation. Still, I got off the phone questioning myself, not happy about what I'd said - although even on reflection I can't imagine what I could have said/done differently. *sigh* She makes me crazy at the best of times. Part of it is the many people that live in her body. Okay, that is really most of it. Sometimes it is my stuff too, though.

I don't think it is possible to have a life in which I never talk to anyone with whom - after I talk with them I have this self-doubt or distress.

Although as I am writing about this I am starting to get a sense of what is motivating it maybe. I'm worried that I am not coming across as or acting like the person I want to be. Which is kind of cuckoo. I am presumably coming across as and acting like the person that I am. If that is not the person that I want to be, then the place to work on that is not trying to make my conversations with people 'perfect.' *heavy sigh*

It is all very hard...

Today was a heck of a day all 'round. I got up early after almost no sleep for a neuro appointment that didn't happen. They told us the wrong time or we wrote it down wrong. Either is possible. But dragging myself to the neuro to find out I had to leave and come back ten hours later did not make me happy. TH had a bris to attend, while D3 had a riding lesson, and I had to pick up something for S3's birthday in Be'er Sheva. It didn't work out, we got TH to the bris, but this and that happened and D3 was too late for her riding lesson.

S2 was with us, helping with the driving, so the three of us drove around for a bit, D3 was able to get a lesson in an hour later, and we went for supper at McD's, that being the only likely candidate for a twenty minute meal before my appointment with the neuro.

TH met us for the neuro appointment, which was extremely short. The neuro apparently was only on the lookout for possibilities for a stage 3 trial of a new M.S. drug. He appears to have decided I'm a good bet, and I am being sent along to a different neuro to be further evaluated and possibly put in the trial. I was actually kind of giddy about it at the time, but on reflection I'm not so thrilled.

Well, if Hashem wants it to happen...

The really good thing about it is that it's not a shot or infusion or any of that, it's a pill or capsule, something you take orally. Cool. So far there is no sign of serious side effects, and they don't/won't/can't tell you about anything less than life-threatening side-effects at this stage anyway. And only then if they know about them. So, whee, fun. Whatever.

I am SO tired. I mean I know I write that often, but I think I am more tired today than almost any other time I can remember. So, I'm off to sleep I hope.

I'm listening to: doors closing, the fan whirring, my thoughts spinning...

0 bleats so far

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06