I'm grateful for: a full day, and not being completely dead at the end of it; children doing better; little children in the house today, however briefly.

This shabbos was far from quiet. TH went off in the morning, not bothering to make sure everything was all right and tight here. Nothing was terribly wrong, but it was a terribly stressful, 'on-edge,' kind of time, and by the time he came back we were torn between being grateful he was back to cope with things and wanting to kill him.

What he does is, he does things so that no one else can possible figure out how to cope, then goes off and forgets our existence while, as this morning, the gas runs out and we've no way to heat anything up (not being able to use the electric kettle or microwave on shabbos). Not the end of the world, not even a major crisis, but illustrative of how things work around here.

He built a good, strong fence to keep the dogs and goats in, what was it now, two years ago? Which was fine, but he's never maintained it, and now the goats get out at will. Each time they get out he comes up with another stop-gap solution - leans a pallet up against that part of the fence, or ties the goats up that day - but now we effectively have no fence. His solution to that? He's going to bring them hay and water in the shed, where they will have to stay locked up. Which will work as long as it works - a day, a week, maybe even a month. But when it stops working, for instance the goats figure out how to get out of the shed - he most probably won't be here. And if he is, he'll tie them up inside the shed or something impossible like that. It's a spiral in which everything just gets more and more insane, and the rest of us can do nothing to stop it.

The boys would be happy to repair or replace the fence I am sure, if they could lay their hands on the tools, get the car to go buy more fencing, get some way to pay for the materials. They have absolutely no experience either repairing or building fences because TH always does it by himself, usually before anyone knows he is at it so we can't insist he show the boys, or either of them, just how to go about it. So this is how TH manages to keep us from being able to function with or without him. Multiply this by every sort of job there is (and bearing in mind that in my disabled state I can rarely get around to even do housework), and we have a household that is literally held hostage to his insanity.

I insisted he show S1 how to change the gas balloons (I don't even remember what they are called outside of Israel - cans full of propane), so at least now if we run out while TH isn't home we can do that. We keep a spare so fortunately that isn't a problem. We probably wouldn't keep a spare if it was up to TH, but the house came with two gas balloons and even TH hasn't figured out a way to get the gas company to take one back.

I want very much to plant cactus along the 'fence' where the goats have pretty much destroyed it. Sabra cactus makes an impenetrable mass, even for goats, it grows the fruit, and is reasonably attractive (at least to me). That sort of fence would require almost no maintenance once it was established. Now all I need to do is to figure out how to get my hands on some plants when TH is largely my window to the world. I'm going to try going to some neighbours tomorrow if I can find the time/energy.

I need to talk to the rabbi/rebbetzin in any event. There is a problem with another family living on the moshav that I cannot resolve and cannot be permitted to get any worse. I turn to the rabbi first, but if that doesn't help, then there is either the police or social services. Neither of which option makes me happy, but there are limits to what I can permit to go on.

I'm not going into details because if is so important that I not talk about it indiscriminately around the moshav, that it is best that I just avoid talking (or writing) about it - at least until I've managed to meet with the rabbi or his wife. After that it is officially not just my problem.

I've wandered, but to say it was a full day is an understatement. We had company, a young American woman who recently moved to the other side of the moshav came over with her three small children. It was a delightful visit, really. While she was here, a woman I cannot stand showed up with a couple I really wanted to meet. Amazingly we managed to get the couple in to say 'hi' without letting the other woman in my room. The are Canadians who are here for a week, here meaning on this moshav. They are visiting Israel for a couple of weeks, and will be travelling and sight-seeing when they leave here. The have three younger children, one of whom is a 9yo boy. Very nice for S3.

Then there was the phone ringing off the hook. I think I talked to D1 four separate times. I talked to RS two or three separate times. Also talked with MMcG (another Canadian) who is going to be in Israel for two weeks in January, and I invited her and two couples she'll be travelling with to join us for supper January 15th. TH is now committed to making a large mess of falafel whether he knows it or not. ;-)

Talked with FB and friend LL, and, have I forgotten anyone? TH drove next-door-neighbour to Soroka hospital in Be'er Sheva to visit his grandmother, but grandmother had been released while he was travelling, so they got there to just turn around and come back home. Good news is that grandmother is doing fine. Then TH and next-door-neighbour went to play soccer (regular Sat. night pick-up games). I can't even remember what else. I know that wasn't all.

We watched 'Hancock' for a movie on Friday night, which was a huge success. I think everyone really liked it. I think they overdid the 'dead' scene at the end. S3 was really upset, he put his head on my knee and was crying. Fortunately a very upbeat and happy ending and we finished off with chocolate.

I've caught up a bit on my sleep, and haven't been coughing as much, doing much better I think. S2 is going better, rib still hurts but much less than it did. D3 is still utterly miserable with braces, and where the teeth were pulled, and cramps, but even she is looking perkier. S3 is his usual bounce self, but completely unwilling to do anything called 'school-work.' I was getting really frustrated, but I heard D3 sitting reading with him (he was reading one of her easy reader books), which is a bit reassuring. I'm starting to feel that if he doesn't start getting interested in learning, I may have to resort to threatening him with school. Not sure I'm quite frustrated enough to actually go through with the threat, but we'll have to see how that goes.

S1 is his usual self. I think he'd be fine if he could just get a full-time job, or get back in the army, or something. He's tired of kicking his heels. I'm tired of him kicking his heels. I'm tired of having so many bodies around the place. Of course i will miss them terribly when they move on, but just now I'm willing to go there.

And, I have to try and get some sleep, it being after 1am. I really want to get back on some sort of schedule now that we aren't stuck on basic survival through the whole month of illness, injury and calamity. *sigh*

I'm listening to Stone Temple Pilots: Still Remains.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06