I'm grateful for: D3 finally getting the good orthodontist; spending money and trusting Gd; good friends and family all the world over.

Maybe it sounds insane, but I really hadn't realized how stressed out I've been due to the war. Oh, that. It's not like I don't have plenty of other things to cause stress in my life, and it's not like I'm not plenty busy enough doing things that really need doing. Things like my rant a few entrails -no, episodes -no, wait! Entries, I've got it! -back don't even bring it home to me. At least until afterwards when I can look back and see how much extra stress this really is.

Yeah, I know. People who don't have rockets with bombs thrown at them regularly might find it easy to see how a little thing like a war might really upset the equilibrium. *sigh*

I need to say that I am really impressed with this new acupuncturist. He impressed me and that is hard to do after the 20+ years of various medical and other health care types I've mucked about with. Only, perhaps they were mucking about with me? Hard to tell.

The first thing is that when he asked me what I wanted I said I want to be able to walk, and keep walking. When I can walk, I can function. Pretty simple.

TH and I had been talking while I was waiting to see this guy (his name is Roni, but I keep forgetting it, not just here, in real life too). I commented on how many people I have seen throughout the last twenty years who do something that helps, but then, not content with helping, they keep trying to fix me - and inevitably end up making things worse and getting nutty on me. Like the md who insisted I have to eat less than 700 calories a day to lose weight - despite the fact that I was nursing - because I just 'lay around in bed all day.' Sorry if I'm repeating myself, but yeah, that one really gets me. He was a good dr. otherwise.

I asked TH rhetorically, while waiting, why can't they just be content to get me walking? That's all I want. Get me walking and keep me walking and I am happy.

So when this guy asked me what I wanted, I said I just wanted to walk. You see? Completely followed from the earlier conversation. So he asked me why I couldn't walk. I talked about having M.S. I talked about having no energy, no balance, falling over, dizziness... I told him about spending three of the last four years almost bleeding to death, how that had taken up most of my time and energy since I got to Israel. I told him about the hypo-active thyroid, and various dr.s and health practitioners I've seen. I told him about grody flashbacks.

He asked me how do the grody flashbacks keep me from walking? I told him a fer-instance: Fer-instance, if I am having a grody - you-are-there- type of flashback of being tied up and someone doing icky things to my feet. Well, then, in the present, I can't move because of being tied up - it doesn't matter that it happened in the past, because I am experiencing it NOW - and I feel icky things happening to my feet.

He said that he didn't want to hear or talk about the M.S., he wanted to concentrate on the grody flashbacks. He said that even when I am not actively having one, they interfere with my walking and my life (well, duh!). He talked about them affecting me consciously and unconsciously. I said I know that, that's why I've been working on them for 20 years. He wants to know why do I work on them? I say because when I am finished then they cease to have power over my life. He is skeptical. Whatever.

I get up on the table and he takes my pulses. He says to me after quite a while - your energy is not flowing, it is not connected. He says that energy from the bottom isn't reaching the top and energy from the top doesn't get to the bottom. I paraphrase. He says that there is a dead place in the middle, where there is no energy. He says he wants to reconnect the energy streams as a first step.

This is the first thing that I noticed at the time (as opposed to later thinking it over) that *really* impressed me. Because that almost exactly described how I feel. I've felt that way since I was a teenager at least. The way I've put it is that my top and bottom don't work together - can't seem to work together at all. I said to TH "That's cool." and the acupuncturist (or needle-sticker), asked me if I'd understood what he meant. I said yes, and he said to tell him if it didn't seem to fit for me. I said no, it fit Perfectly, that I couldn't have expressed it better and that is exactly how I feel. Whoa.

So, one question I have is - after 20+ years of going to acupuncturists, chiropracters, naturopaths, homeopaths, reflexologists, mds, neurologists, and you-name-it-whatevers - why is he the only one who seems to have caught on to this? I never mentioned it to anyone because it was just so much a part of me I never thought of it. But many of those various health-care types deal with energy and energy flow, and not one of them even noticed?

I think I may have a good one here.

The next thing he did that Really impressed me is to say that we're going to work on connecting the energy flow for a few weeks, and then he is going to stand me in front of a mirror and have me figure out what I *really* want. Because (he said) it wasn't just the thing about walking. Wow.

I say it again. Wow.

Where has he been all my life?

I tried to explain about my conversation with TH, and why I had said I just wanted to walk, but I don't know if he understood. We were doing all of this in English and Hebrew, neither of us completely fluent in one of the languages. In any event, and it doesn't matter that I knew it without him telling me, he clearly saw that I wasn't being completely honest (with him if not with myself) and called me on it, but without being in anyway critical or judgmental. Wow.

I can't think of a single other healer (for lack of a better, simple, term) who could have done that.

Now my danger is that I am really getting hopeful. I'm fighting it like mad, because I really don't think I could handle yet another disappointment - and after he's made such a good impression on me. I find myself imagining that maybe I could get well enough to get a job, to earn some money working from home. Imagining I could put most of this disability behind me (nothing will make me believe I could ever be fully healthy again - too much muscle lost, fat gained, the body is much older and I haven't got the willingness to put into putting it back in order completely) - it's just dangerous thinking.

I've only had one treatment with him for heaven's sake, and it certainly hasn't worked any miracles. I mean, I'm not in as much pain as I was, but I've been weak and dizzy and nauseous all day, and I haven't the strength of a sick kitten and I feel like shit.

Still, he made a hell of an impressions. He saw things no one else saw, he saw clearly, he was honest and without in any way putting me down made me see/hear what he saw and heard. And everything he said fit, and was right on the mark.

It's bloody scary is what it is. Really fucking scary.

There, I swore twice in one line, my uncle would have my head. I guess it's a good thing he's dead.

All sorts of other things in my head may have to wait for other days/nights. It's not as late as last night, but it is approaching three a.m., and I really, really want to try to have a regular day night schedule sometime in my life.

D3 went to the orthodontist today, and when they put her in with the trainee again, TH went and talked to them and talked to them and talked to them and they argued with him, but when he said 'this is important to my wife, and that makes it important to me' they put D3 in with the experienced orthodontist. Which is what they had said they would do when we demanded it last time.

So now she has braces that hurt more (because of being tighter) but seem like they will actually stay on her teeth for more than three days. And she has a very long list of foods she's not allowed to eat. Even things that shouldn't normally be a problem, just to be on the safe side. She can still eat M&M's so that's what we're living on for the moment. Treats are sometimes more necessary than real food.

Tomorrow morning S1 is going to Lishkat Giyus, which, heaven help me, I can't translate into English to save my life. It's where he has to go to talk to people about his getting back in the army here. I think he can do it. He's going to have to push, and he's going to have to be persistent, and not lose control, all of which is hard for him, but I really think he can do it. I hope so. It would be so good for him, and I think he'll make a terrific soldier. He wants to go in the border police, too, which someone said sounds like a perfect fit for him. I hope so and I hope he gets it.

Everything else is cancelled - not getting together with Canadian friends, not doing anything else tomorrow besides grocery shopping. So if I can get out the door at a reasonable hour, and then get shopping done and home at a reasonable hour, then perhaps I won't be up at 3am writing here again. I person can hope.

We watched half of Broken Arrow, the John Travolta film. S1 commented how much better he liked the *first* Broken Arrow film (a western). But, *sigh* that one we can't get anywhere.

We also had a visit from the last remaining volunteer at BZ's place. He watched a movie, hung around and had a good time. Then he borrowed the computer and sent us some of his diary of his travels. I read his last entry - the one in which he describes what it's like at BZ's place. Oh, the lies she told him! I don't know whether I should tell him about it or not. He says he's leaving here this weekend, but whether before or after shabbos is anyone's guess. *sigh* Must pray about that one. Really must.

There are less booms, but they are bigger booms. The ground shakes as well as the house and the roof. Also we got hit, the moshav I mean, with another bomb today. No one hurt, Barukh Hashem, but a greenhouse damaged and who knows what else was lost.

A rocket was fired into Israel that contained phosphorus as well. Some of the news services are poo-pooing it claiming that there wasn't phosphorus and that Israel is making it up. Well, I don't know anything that glows like that. Thank goodness it was contained. I didn't see it myself, but I have no doubts of the one who told it me.

Okay, really going to sleep now. Or at least will stop typing. What a long, strange trip it is being.

I'm listening to Patti Page: One of Us Will Weep Tonight. Yes, I'm still on a Patti Page kick.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06