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Honey is Sweet

Avoidance - 2009-03-02

I'm grateful for: Lots of rain, despite it making for a harder day; ginger cookies; getting better.

I'm 'supposed' to be writing a piece for a meeting that should have gone out today. I so far just can't seem to do it. I think in part it's because I am still jangling from the two 'tzevah adom's' we got tonight. One at 10pm and one at 11pm. I know that that's no excuse for my not having written it earlier, but it is a big part of why I am not writing it now.

I guess we're back at war, except we're not, because once again they are bombing us and our gub'ment, in it's infinite wisdom and lack of backbone, isn't shooting back. In a war, both sides shoot at each other, what DO you call it when one person beats up on the other and the other doesn't fight back - question mark. Oh, yes, it's called stupid. *sigh*

We heard two booms with the first alert, and two 'krump's and a boom with the second. The 'krumps' are usually mortars, and while we don't usually get them here, we are close enough to hear them for sure.

S3 was sound, sound asleep, so rather than wake him up to come to our little hidey place in the centre of the house, the first alert TH went and laid over him in his bed, and the second, I did. It's only marginally less 'safe' in S3's bedroom because of the window, so all that we would do is take the glass splinters, really, if it were to fall out like that. But, it's something.

S1 is sleeping in the cottage tonight, a worry because there is no alert out there, and also the walls are just no protection against a possible missile, but S1 is a grown up and I don't really think he would be much safer in the salon, which is the only place we have room for him, besides being able to here the alerts. S2 is sleeping in the family room, being horribly sick, poor guy.

Today was a horrible day in many ways - the pain for me is bad, S2 sick, D3 kept banging into things (I think growth spurt). We had no internet access for most of the day and even no house phone because it is also from our cable provider. We had problems with the dogs, the weather, the power going out, and other things not worth mentioning.

It was still an overall good day, even though most of the good was about overcoming the bad. I managed to get the laundry going and wash at least a couple of loads. S2 managed to take over when I crashed so laundry continued to move forward. S1 got a 'back-scratcher' for the goats built in the backyard. The goats have been scratching against the fence, one reason it keeps needing repairs. If the back-scratcher works for them (meaning, they use it), then that will be a big step forward in being able to manage the place.

The mama goat brought the kids out in the yard for a while, which was utterly adorable. you'd just have to see baby goat kids to appreciate it. ;-)

S3 and I did schoolwork together, and he read some of The Fire Cat aloud to TH. D2 found out she got a 94 on her big test, which may be the best score of anyone. And she has a new job translating, which is truly a good and happy thing.

So, good day, bad day. I spoke with RS tonight which was at best aggravating as hell. Then I spoke with MMF, which started out aggravating as hell, but somehow I was able to hear that she really wasn't doing all right and to get her talking about what was going on. After that, conversation went fine.

Still working on the whole grieving thing. In some ways it's a lot of work. Like some days just trying to think about something other than my uncle is such a HUGE effort. Other days stuff I'd started comes back to me and I don't want to deal with it. Today I had a brief contact with someone who knew and I think worked with my uncle. I had put out feelers that I'd like to talk to him, but I wasn't necessarily up to it when he got back to me. Must cope, somehow, and I suppose I did, but I'm now going to have to process everything and it is hard.

I can't say that the pain of him being gone is any less, but I no longer wake up and then have to be reminded that he is gone - it's crept into my unconscious mind, or something. I wake up to it but I've remembered it so it's not a crushing blow all over again. I think I am perhaps talking this to death, but the alternative is to go write my other thing...

Which I know I should do. *sigh* Still working on the wonky keyboard. Maybe forever now - question mark. I hope not. Someday my computer may work again... sung in my head to some popular tune.

I'm dead tired, I've got three sleeping animals around me and can't shut my door. At least at the moment the rest of the house is quiet. I'm hoping for a somewhat more pain free tomorrow - question mark. A person can but hope.

Oh, I asked a long-time friend whose been in Israel for more than 25 years if there is a phrase in Hebrew that means the same as 'from your mouth to Gd's ear.' Of course as soon as I asked she couldn't remember it. I've been trying to find out for a couple of years now at least, so I hope I am a bit closer to an answer. Barukh Hashem. I'll go be a good doobie now and write my thing. I hope. Be well, all, and Gd bless

I'm listening to by Eve Boswell: Hi-Lili, Hi-Lo

0 bleats so far

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06