I'm grateful for: a couple of days to catch up, a slightly clearer head; watching a bit of Shakespeare in Love with it's all important message: It all works out, I don't know how, it's a mystery; Feeling all the blessings, the gifts I've been given.

I had stuff I wanted to write about here, some of it news, some of it just stuff about me and my diary, and now I am too tired or something like that. TH is snoring so loudly, through two doors and a hallway, that it interferes with my thinking and-or falling asleep. And S1 keeps yelling at a dog who is making noise - it's 2am people, isn't it possible for the noise to stop -- ever

Sometimes having no question mark is beyond frustrating.

There is bad news out of Lebanon - the army is attacking a Palestinian refugee camp (20 or 30 thousand people live there) with abandon. They are after some eight or so people they consider trouble - but with utter disregard for the innocent bystanders. And the world yawns. I am sorry for the people living there, but what bothers me most is how it highlights the lying hypocrisy so clearly. If Israel's army was conducting an operation to get eight people out of a city of 20,000, it uses utmost care to minimize civilian casualties and the world cries foul if even one 'innocent' bystander is disturbed. Clearly the issue isn't about the safety or fair treatment of innocent bystanders, or concern for Palestinians in general. Lebanon commits war crimes - shrug. Israel will be accused of war crimes even when none exist. And most of the self-satisfied West, even if they are aware of this hypocrisy, couldn't be bothered, anymore than they can be bothered to lift up there voices to demand Iran stop it's religious persecution of the Bahaii. I know I spelled that wrong, but what can you do - at least I'm aware of what is happening, and seriously concerned to do what I can.

Okay, sometimes all I can do is pray. At least I am not pretending that no problem exists, or turning a blind eye because I have more important problems - like picking a day care - that clearly preclude being aware of evils in the world. Except for major-media approved evils, that is, which will be what they define for us as evil.

Okay, so I'm stopping short of a rant, because I don't want to and don't like to rant in my diary. That's not what my diary is for. My diary, whether online or on paper, is for me to keep track of my life. It keeps me a little more sane, and hopefully a little more honest. I don't come here to get political, or to try to educate anyone or convince anyone of anything - at least that is never my intention in writing here. Sometimes I get carried away - so shoot me.

But - BUT - when I am outraged, when I am upset, when some fact of existence is making me head spin, this is where I come to vent about it. But because it is public, then it becomes political. I don't want to be political. I don't have to agree with anyone that I read here, and no one has to agree with me. And yet, clearly I cannot write here without being aware of others, thinking of the possible affect my words will have, how they will be read and 'heard.' So what do I do - I don't want to go back to a locked diary or even paper. I find that writing to a public diary encourages me to keep writing when I might otherwise drop it for long and longer periods of time. I like the connections that appear to happen with other people. So once again I am caught in this situation.

I don't have an answer, and I'm sure there are no easy answers. I am not ashamed of my opinions - I believe that evil exists, and I believe that evil must be fought, not negotiated with, talked at or befriended. I believe that if we don't use and defend each and every one of our rights then we will eventually lose them. I am fiscally conservative and socially liberal. I thing we shouldn't be spending money we don't have, and that society has an obligation to care for all of it's members. I believe that war is sometimes necessary, and that the Kurds have gotten almost the ultimate raw deal. I don't mean the Kurds in Iraq or the Kurds in Turkey, or anything like that, I mean the Kurds. Look 'em up.

I don't believe, I KNOW that we can't have everything we want, and that the character of a person can be determined by what s/he chooses of the available options, or by a person's refusal to accept the limitations or to choose.

I believe that almost all people are simply doing the best that they can, and the whole world would be a much better place if we would just believe and act as if it were true rather than constantly to judge people based on the assumption that they could or would do more if they just wanted to.

I know that many, perhaps most, people disagree with some or all of that. That's fine, but it sure makes it hard not to be self-conscious when writing here.

On the other hand, I am a disabled, middle-aged, American-Israeli, overweight, Jewish, politically conservative, stay-at-home-mom. So I'm worried that people are going to hate me for my WORDS(question mark)! I mean, really...

I am reminded of a book I read, oy, back in my teens already, in which there was a group of people, one oF those groups of privileged young American 'rebels' that are so charming and clueless, and one of the characters says something like "I'm Women's lib, Gay lib, Black lib (possibly some other that I don't remember now) - is there anyone more liberated than me" - and as a result of her uber-liberated status she gets to be in charge.

I can't remember anything at all else about the book, not about the plot, characters, it's title or it's author. Ah, well. It wasn't that good.

So I've been blindingly busy. Having a newborn around the place will do that, regardless of it being a newborn kitten not a newborn human. She still needs 'round the clock feedings, and to be helped with her 'toileting' and personal care. She decides it's time to play whenever she is fed, rested, and has nothing else going on (toileting basically), regardless of what time it is or how long since she last was up.

Also yesterday was TH's 47th birthday. I got him a good (not from the toy store) soccer ball. S1 got him a dvd of Escape From New york (Snake Plishkin, I thought you were dead!). D3 made for him a really delicious devil's food cake, and we all enjoyed it, but then TH left it out where S1's puppy could get at it, so no more cake and an emergency phone call to the vet. I know chocolate cake isn't really dangerous, but she ate a LOT of chocolate cake...

S2 is still working feverishly for going into the army. We've had some fevering too as a result, with more trips planned to shop for more necessary items. Big ticked items still needed include a new celphone, and a backpack. Smaller items are being picked up on an almost daily basis, like shoe polish and sunburn cream. He's a fair-skinned redhead. He WILL sunburn. *sigh*

The last two days have been wonderful with no company, no one particularly sick, and so I am just starting to recover myself, hence being able to write something longer here.

Tomorrow TH goes to work, and S1 will be working for a neighbour in the morning (only the morning I hope), and D3 has work in the afternoon. It would be lovely having so much space in the house if we didn't have so many youngsters to care for. With goat kids and chicks and the baby kitten, it's a whole lot of extra work, and of course our dogs and cats and older goats and chickens, not to mention the people still need to be fed and watered and exercised and cleaned and whatever else. Then there is housework, with Pesach (Passover) coming up quickly.

D1 sent us into a bit of a spin yesterday, phoning and asking if we could pay for tickets for them to come as soon as possible. Fortunately I am now a bit more able to cope with her starts, and after talking to RS I know that she is probably NOT coming anytime soon, and possibly not at all. Especially when I explain to her that I simply cannot afford to buy round-trip tickets with an open-ended return date solely for her to go to Seattle without being noticed by Mom and Dad. If that's such a problem drive there trough Canada. We're talking thousands of dollars. I don't have that kind of money. If I'm going to charge that kind of money, I have to see a point to it.

We are still actively pursuing a mortgage, but as the mortgages seem to be just as actively running away, we aren't seeing much result except for the good health benefits one gets from so much exercise.

That was supposed to be funny.

Ah, well. It's almost 3am. The house is finally mostly quiet. I am going to try to sleep. Be well, all, and Gd bless...

I'm listening to a rooster crowing, and the last knockings about of S1 before he (hopefully) also goes to sleep.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06