I'm grateful for: moving on emotionally; being able to do some things; being awake during the day.

Really bad pain day today. *sigh* I slept a bit last night - fell asleep before 5am, that's a plus but woke up around 8:30.

On the up side, I actually was able to get some stuff done. Fed the animals (dogs and cats that is), gave everyone fresh water, picked up some trash and random dog hair. We have one long-haired dog who sheds enough for sixteen. I exaggerate - but only slightly. There was enough hair for a whole other dog under my bed.

I did some laundry and then crawled back into bed, finished for the day. Finished with getting up, anyway. I did some Hebrew schoolwork with S3, and English reading, studied Hebrew myself, read a bit, and tried to nap. Oh, and fielded phone calls.

Today was one of those days when I might have welcomed all the phonecalls coming in a bunch, so they trickled in all day. I only had to be starting to fall asleep and the phone would ring - or else I would get that particularly annoying buzz that means someone has left a message. So, no napping, really.

Laundry got done, some of it by me, and that is pretty much it. I watched an episode of Joan of Arcadia with D3 - we watch it together, it's a mother-daughter bonding moment or something like that. I didn't care so much for today's. Ah, well. Can't always be happy.

Kitten is going in to be broken tomorrow. I'm a little bit upset about it, but I'll cope. I am worried about her, even though we are going to our family vet. She's never been left anywhere without me except at home, and always at home there is someone from the family. I know she'll survive, I mean, she's a cat, but she's MY cat, bottle-fed almost from birth. My Bay-bee! *wry grin*

The area swimming pool is open tomorrow for 'family swim' according to the schedule that we got. I want very much to go check it out, but can't do it if I am hurting as much tomorrow as I am today. Also, some sleep would help. I am desperate to do some swimming.

It's been five years, barring a couple of laps at a homeschooling pool day. I wonder if I can even swim anymore. Only way to find out is to get in a pool. It is the very best form of exercise for me if I can do it. I used to swim half-way across Grout pond or more, I used to swim in Lake Michigan. Why did Hashem think I needed to move to a desert? Will I ever understand THAT one?

I've made contact with a couple of people from the old days on Facebook. Only now, having done that, it doesn't seem so important. An awful lot of thinking and processing and feeling feelings has happened in the meantime, and I guess I really get it in my gut that I can't ever go home again. Maybe there is still a bit of mourning to do. I expect it's all connected to my uncle's death, which was five and a half years ago now. Life goes on, and moving on, and it's bloody hard, but it's better than staying stuck in it like I was.

We're wildly pursuing a house here - I have no idea if I've written about it here before or not. The owner is desperate to sell if possible. It has a beautiful mirpesset (porch) and some lovely old trees. It has a wonderful home-field. I have no idea if we can do this, no idea if it is even possible. The owner is willing to deal, even under the table, if that's what it takes to make it work. We may need to finagle a bit, but nothing criminal. Hashem willing...

It is a far-from-ideal house. It is too small, it is arranged badly for us - two large front rooms and only three tiny bedrooms. It is largely falling apart. Still, if we can buy it, we can make it work. If we can buy it cheaply enough, we may even be able to knock it down and build an entirely new house in it's place. Okay, I can dream, can't I?

Anyway, until we have any sort of sense that it actually will work out, I'm keeping it rather close to the chest.

Also, TH has announced he is ready to sell our place in Vermont. The thought is that we can buy another place later on, it doesn't have to be THAT one. In the north so we can see the northern lights on occasion, where there is water, and clean air, and it gets truly dark at night. Where when it is quiet, you can actually hear the wind whispering and the grass waving. Probably in Vermont again. Hashem willing.

I don't know that I am ready, but I am willing to pursue it and see what happens. The cash influx would be so very helpful.

Whatever, something will happen or it won't. I just want pretty badly to know that I am not just stuck as things are, where I am. I want to be able to see the possibility of positive change, and not only in the vague and distant future.

Right now I want to sleep.

I'm listening to Ani Difranco and Utah Phillips: Why Come?

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06