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Honey is Sweet

My fingers are flying... - 2009-08-23

I'm grateful for: air conditioning (oh, yes); one more thing done in getting Lloyd out of my life for good; really soft new sheets.

A quick one, I hope. Shabbos was mostly quiet. I did spend some time with the kids, a bit with TH as well. Things with TH are - really weird. He doesn't seem aware of it. I can't help but notice the disconnect. He 'tries' to be warmly affectionate. I respond to him as I always have, because despite apparent outward improvements he isn't any different, no really. He does the same sorts of things, he's just quicker to apologize.

I don't want to be a hard-ass, holding a grudge. I'm not holding a grudge. I'm holding on to the certain knowledge that ever single time I have let my guard down with TH he has become utterly hateful. As long as I am distant and acerbic he continues with the good behaviour. But what happens when/if I stop? I am just not interested in going there. Not without some indication of really fundamental change. So some outside looking at us would see him being affectionate and warm, and me being an icy bitch. What can you do? Outsiders shouldn't be looking in, anyway.

While I've been busy, busy, busy I've not done anything that I have what to show for. I haven't written anything, cooked anything, knitted anything. I had done a pretty decent job of cutting down the endless hours I spend on the phone, but then that means I don't talk to anyone except my children. Mind you, I do like my children. However...

I did *something* I've no idea what, to the right side of my body. My right arm is a total mess, I can't lift my left leg by itself, the muscle running along the front of the thigh is just too sore/weak. D2 says my right shoulder is swollen, as if I've been 'storing' something there. I can't think what I could be storing there, and it doesn't in any event explain the right leg. I've mentioned it to my acupuncturist several times now, and either he doesn't get what I'm saying or he doesn't take it seriously. I don't want to go to a regular dr., my general experience with them is unhelpful (but at least my current dr. isn't insulting). Still, perhaps I'm better off going to a chiropracter.

There was a chiropracter at my health fund who did pretty good for me, but it became too much to deal with as he speaks no English, and his hebrew isn't good enough for either D2 or TH to understand him. Now D2 speaks Hebrew almost like a native, so if she can't understand him, the problem is him, you know? So I had to stop seeing him, it was just too frustrating. On the other hand, TH found an independent chiropracter in Be'er Sheva, whose prices are completely reasonable, so maybe I could go see him? It's a thought.

So much for quick, but if the words come pouring out of my fingertips, what can I do? Having been a typist is good for something though, when the words want to pour out, if my fingers are working I can generally keep up with them. :-)

I should start my day already. Open the door, say high to kids and animals, get to the bathroom. It's almost noon which means I can turn the air conditioner on (we have to ration it, can't afford the electric bill otherwise). Blessed air conditioner. :-) Although I could undoubtedly adjust somewhat to the climate here, I would never be able to function up to my full ability. So that's good.

Talked on the phone with RS and Mike last night. Conversation started out a bit stilted, but then went very well. It was delightful to hear Mike. He really is a great kid. He's 21, doesn't really relate to being called a kid, but he is just so. And very like a teddy bear, too. :-) I really hope he comes here, even if only for a visit. I'd love him to move in. Only I'm afraid of turning into a creepy old lady, preying on young men. *silly grin* Not really. It's just, I want what's best for him, but I want what's best for him to include me. Hashem is in charge. I never met a lost young'un I wanted to adopt more, though.

FB joined the conversation before the end, which was a little bit weird, but it worked out. And so it goes.

I'm off now. No phone calls from S2 for three days, sadness, he's off doing some exercises in the 'field' and isn't allowed to have his cell phone along. We will be seeing him on Thursday though for his latest teches. And the command performance. It's going to be a long, hard day, I hope his officers appreciate it. Really gotta go.

I'm listening to whatever the kids are listening to, I've no clue what it is.

0 bleats so far

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06