I'm grateful for: a good breakfast; having fallen asleep before midnight, whatever happened after that; some really good books.

It was a bad night. I actually fell asleep between ten and eleven p.m., but woke at around midnight and was wide awake for most of the night.

I had just finished a book - City of Thieves, by D@vid Ben1off (sp?) ((that is funny, worrying about misspelling a name I am trying to misspell recognizably in the first place)) - which was so excellent I can't keep shut about it. It almost dragged me through it, even in the midst of the grody-flashback just finished the book kept pulling at me. The story is so well told - it gave me the feeling of the siege and the war as nothing else I've read has, despite have read a really enormous amount and survivors stories and everything.

It is bittersweet, but left me warm and grinning at the end, which I found totally delightful. It game me lots of things to think and dream about, so that was good.

Sad, now, I have to start something else. I don't have another book anywhere near as delightful waiting for me, most of it is non-fiction. So I have embarked on Supership by Moel Mostert. Anyone who actually googles that name can come here, it's fine - and unlikely. He's writing about a super-tanker, and, I think, how they change things (back in the 1960's), but I haven't read far enough to know for sure. It's a good book so far.

Well, anyway, after a bad night I am awake, and dealing with muscle spasms. My legs keep wanting to crawl about but the rest of the body isn't going. Sometimes the muscle spasms actually hurt, but mostly they are just disorienting. M.S. at it's amusement ride best.

D2 and N are here. We had a bit of a visit yesterday, and then D2 and D3 and N provided the muscle and dexterity to chop up all the bits for a soup. Then I spiced it and fell down.

It rained yesterday, a gentle spring rain in New England, only of course it is November in the Negev, so it wasn't normal. It was very pleasant to sit out in the rain for a while.

Both dogs, Chamudah and Balta, slept in my room until around 5am, when they went berserk about something. I let them out and ran into TH, who was on his way to see what was up with the dogs, so I let him deal with it and went back to bed. I fell asleep around 7:30am, I think.

There's a nice woman, Y, who is a homeschooler with three children, that I like and I've been trying to get to visit for months. She was moving this week, and I volunteered to drive out and help with distracting her kids while some of the able-bodied members of my family helped with moving stuff. It didn't happen. Twice. I really wanted to. I felt let down, but worse I let her down, and worse still it is my own stupid fault for being in denial about how badly I am doing, physically. Now I doubt she will trust me again, and I can't blame her. And, I can't help it.

People will understand about me being disabled or not - nothing I can do about that - but for the most part people do NOT understand about me being in denial about my abilities, or lack of ability. I can lie here in bed and fantasize about my being able to do something 'next week,' and when next week comes, I am unable to admit to myself I can't do what I said I would.

I'm sure that there are people in the world who are capable of understanding this very human thing, but somehow, I never seem to run into them.

TH is reading A Hatful Of Sky aloud to S3 and me. I've nothing more to say about that.

I just realized I'm not getting enough calcium. I ran out of my old bottle of supplements recently, and I only just looked at the new bottle - the horse pills are the same size, but they contain less than half as much calcium. That's good to know. I can do something about that.

I can't think of anything else. No, wait, S2 has been in touch with a rav who actually seems interested in helping. He had TH fax a letter to a commander about getting S2 transferred, and now we are pushing, pushing, pushing, while on his end S2 is also pushing. We're getting encouragement from people who tell us that what the army is doing is illegal, so we will persevere and hopefully, finally, get S2 out of this unit he *really* doesn't belong in and into someplace he can do a proper job. He's a good soldier, everyone says so, and he does his best to suck it up and do a good job, but he is wasted where he is, he is miserable, and the army isn't benefitting from it at all. So, we persevere. The goal is to be such a pain to the jobnikim (office workers) that they do what we want just to make us go away - without being 'obnoxious Americans.' Americans (or Anglos in general) don't know how to get angry properly, which means in a middle-eastern way, so we have to not get angry, but yet be pushy enough to get what we want. It's a challenge, but honestly, a fun one. I just wish that S2 wasn't suffering while we work this all out.

I'm all in, back is killing me even though fingers are flying along fine.

I'm listening to the conversation going on in the salon.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06