I'm grateful for: a bit of peace and quiet; wonderful friends, old and new; having so much to do I can't pretend to be in control, all I can do is try to deal with whatever is immediately in front of my face. This IS a good thing.

Just to say: I shouldn't have answered the phone when RS called. I sort of knew it, but answered anyway. *Sigh*

It's almost 7am, and I've barely slept. Bad night. Around 5am the animals started giving me trouble. I had Kitten and Chamudah on my bed, at least when I'd closed my eyes, so I couldn't figure out who was banging on my desk. Opened my eyes to find Kitten trying to knock things off of my desk, so I got up. Hey! I can get up! ;-) And I opened the door for her, at which point Balta came running and Chamudah tried to get out the door at the same time, animal collision.

I got Kitten up on my shoulder (she likes it there), and brought her to the salon, figuring she wanted to eat or something. Long story short, it was a whole balagon (mess), in which Balta got out, Kitten refused to go out despite going in and out the held-open screen door several times, D3 was woken up to get Balta to stop barking at the across-the-street neighbours, and at long last with a lot of help from D3 I was back in bed with Chamudah. Kitten had come back in the room and was being obnoxious - I rather suspect D3 gave her some goat's milk to shut her up.

So, not much sleep. I was have a really horrendous grody flashback but it seems to have receded - I'm not seeing hearing what is going on in it, but my body is still responding to it. Lovely. I expect I'm not going to be getting up much today. So it goes.

TH is not going to work today, instead he's been roped in to driving as much of our next-door-neighbour's family as we can fit into our car down to Eilat for a brit.

Brit, bris, ritual circumcision, for our next-door-neighbour's newest grandson. Wouldn't miss it for the world, I'm sure, only, I won't be going. The family has offered to pay for the time and trouble, and we will take them up on it since it's a more than four hour drive, and TH will have to stay until they are all ready to come home. He won't be back until the wee, small hours in the morning I expect, and he'd better not do any drinking (I don't know if he has that much sense).

That is all that is on the schedule now as far as I can recall. Because we really won't be able to do anything here besides the basic getting through the day, not that that isn't enough. With no sleep and my body acting up I'm not going to do much of anything, or, I don't think so. S1 is going to be doing last minute cleaning up/fixing up in the small house. RS's room is as ready as it is going to be apparently. D3 runs the household, cooks, and takes care of S3 (guilt, guilt). S3 is doing what he is supposed to be doing, learning and absorbing and driving all the rest of us to distraction.

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I could've slept. I'm stressing about S2 again, too, but mostly when the thoughts creep into my head a say a prayer and try to turn it all over to Hashem. Not being so terribly successful as the thoughts keep creeping back, but successful enough as I am not obsessing about them. Or fretting myself into a really bad state, which I am quite capable of doing. Ah, well.

I don't have to do anything but breathe in and out all day long - but there's the rub, 'cause I keep catching myself holding my breath. I expect it's the grody flashback, but, what can you do?

I'm going to try lying down and closing my eyes again. Hopefully this time I will be more successful at getting to sleep. I've turned the heater off which makes the room quieter, and hopefully will ensure i don't wake up cooking in here. No, I'm not envying anyone their northern winter this year. Not this year.

I feel so-o yucky right now. I don't like to end on a down note, but there it is. I didn't manage to write even a short email to some wonderful old friends who sent me season's greetings, more guilt. Need to let it go. Need to take care of the first thing in front of my face which is not any of the things I can't do. Reliance on Hashem is good, but sometimes I can't help wishing for a life in which I could make plans, and accomplish things that I set out to do. Sometimes.

I'm listening to the blissful silence.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06