I'm grateful for: the 'flu being on the wane, so I can devote my resources to fighting the pneumonia; Kitten and Chamudah the neurotic doggy; good friends, wonderful family, decent weather and time to lie around in bed and not worry (too much) about anything.

My mind is completely blank. I'm in the middle of crafting a letter to D1, basically telling her I am tired of the way she treats me, and her entire biological family. We do not exist to be used and discarded according to her whim, and we certainly don't open our hearts to her, offer all the help we have, and spend time and money on her, in order for her to throw it away and pretend it never happened. So. A difficult letter to say the least, since I want to be clear and honest and *not* angry or vengeful. I want her to understand that there are certain requirements if one is a part of this family, respect being paramount, and that she can choose to not be a member of this family if she wants.

I AM hurt and angry. I am tired of repeatedly being disrespected. She utterly trashed something that mattered to me, a gift for GD1, without a moment's thought or concern. If it was the only incident it would be a terrible slam - as it is, it is a last straw. I will not be disrespected, I will not see this family's traditions thrown in the trash, while she demands more and more things that cost money, money being the particular item we are least able to give. She wants money, let her go to her mom & dad. She's got another set of parents, and they are wealthy by most of the world's standards.

I'm also crafting a reply to a woman in an online group. I wrote something that I suppose was a little bit off colour a few days ago. Hard to tell, I was sick and reacting to a perceived defensiveness. In any event what I wrote could be interpreted as poor humour, rather than a personal attack, as she seems to have done. I responded to her (counter-)attack by explaining what I had felt when I read her first post, and she came back even more offensive. I'm torn between being sweet and being more matter-of-fact, but in any event I intend to take her up on her demand that I not read any more of her posts. Oy! Like it's any of her business, if she puts it out there, to tell someone *not* to read it (okay, maybe folks in real life...).

Gar! My fingers hurt. I didn't get good sleep last night. I did however manage my post-Pesach bowel movement. Tmi for some of you, but anyone who knows what I'm talking about will appreciate the event. Painful, but far easier than it could have been, since I barely ate a vegetable the whole week. I hardly ate anything all week after I got sick.

My dog is sitting here giving me an accusing stare. Kitten is lying against my leg. It's nuts (that'd be the dog) because if Kitten wasn't here she wouldn't be laying against my leg, I couldn't even get her to lie next to me almost all of the time. I'm her toy, that she doesn't even like that much, but heaven help it if anyone else get to be close to me!

So my brains are thoroughly scrambled, and the moreso having spent more than hour listening to MMF go on and on and on about everything being just so, so and too, too. There was a freak wind that was so, so unique and it tore off the tops of the tall trees but left the lower trees alone which is too, too unusual. The drove into town with the husband collecting wood off of downed trees and branches (they heat with wood), which was so, so special of him, and once in town he stopped doing that because the city would clear the streets and that was just too, too right. You get the idea. At one point she was going on about how so, so unusual it was that in her husband's family the kids are expected to have jobs as soon as they can work, and the aren't even allowed to keep their wages, because it goes to help support the family. No where else in the world is anyone like that. Just ask her.

I'm not exaggerating, she actually said that.

At that point, I had to interrupt to say that I was familiar with the phenomenon, and she gushed that of course she had told me about husband's family before, but she was just So, So taken aback by it she couldn't help but go on about it. They've been married for over thirty years. *sigh*

So, I was a good friend, and listened, and rolled my eyes where she couldn't see (telephony is good for that), and other than that once didn't interrupt her, but waited for it to be over. Hopefully next time we talk I'll have a turn, but that's how it went last night.

Husband is sick with the 'flu, and so is D3. S1 seems fine, S3 is fine. RS is out in the cottage, and I hope she stays there. Apparently she's been keeping TH up at night, making noise and talking in the salon until all hours. Something else I get to talk to her about. Whee, fun.

I'm really not enjoying this being sick stuff, I don't know if I remembered to write that I officially have pneumonia? The rib is apparently not cracked, at least the x-ray technician didn't say a word about it. Appointment with the dr. tomorrow for test results and to lectured about my cholesterol quite possibly.

I have *never* had a problem with my cholesterol, but having my blood tested when I'm sicker than s**t and during Pesach! All I can say is, I will have words if he says anything much.

I'm becoming a bit more outspoken in my everyday life. It's an effort, and a change, and necessary growth. I don't have enough life energy to spend it being nice to people I've no interest in. There are too many people out there who matter to me who deserve what time and energy I have.

Funny, that sounds like I think I'm dying. No, I just have the limited resources of a cripple who has at best an average of two to four functional hours a day. Being sick is just making it easier, somehow, for me to make these changes. I guess in part because I'm too d**n sick to even care what anyone says back to me.

This woman in the group I'm having the fun exchange with, I'm taking this as practice. I definitely need more practice not putting up with brittle people. And, I'm getting it! ;-)

I had all kinds of things to say, but as they are slowly trickling into my mind at long last, my fingers and back are giving out, so maybe another time, or maybe it wasn't meant to be.

I'm listening to the Eagles: Take It Easy

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06