I'm grateful for: wonderful spring days; feeling a bit better; a vacation for S2; a new car for RS; the house creeping slightly towards progress.

I'm sitting here at a loss, and I don't know what to do. An old, old friend of mine has - once again - turned on me. I don't know how else to describe it. She blew me off a couple of times, with this or that excuse, and now she's telling the most outrageous lies. She hasn't the chutzpah to say them to my face, so she is emailing me her lies - and I'm not sure what upsets me more: that she bothers to email her lies to me (she needn't say anything at all, she doesn't owe me anything), or that the lies are so d***ed Stupid! I feel insulted that anyone would tell me anything so lame.

Then I find myself wondering if she believes the lies herself (she is capable of it), and regardless, I'm at a loss to know what to do. I could, as I have often in the past, write it off as a loss, not respond to her emails, and wait however long - week, months, a year? - until she returns somewhat to shared reality. I could do that. But there's a part of me that is just so hurt I don't want to let it go. Or rather, letting it go feels like it would hurt too much. Heaven knows I'm powerless over this friend and the lies she tells so the question really is about how do I best take care of myself in this situation.

I just don't know.

I'm not busy enough. Strange to say, but if I were just blindingly busy, I wouldn't give it a second thought. Instead I'm still in that place of getting better from being ill. I'm better enough to feel guilty about all the things I'm not doing or not yet able to do, and clearly not well enough to be on anything resembling a full schedule.

I've been knitting again, which is a treat. I started a sock for myself (hopefully the first of a pair). It is orange. Bright, almost safety orange. I'm not sure why I'm knitting myself some bright orange socks, but of all the projects I've thought about or worked on in the last 6.5 years, it's the only one that I just picked up and it 'flowed.' It feels good to be knitting again, even some silly socks I may never wear, if they even fit.

The last time I knitted a pair of socks for myself, they ended up fitting TH instead. I'm not quite sure how that happened. It's one of the few projects I've ever made that went that far awry. I *do* know about gauge, it's just a mystery. Hashem wanted TH to have a pair of hand knitted socks, maybe? I don't know.

For some reason, S1 and I were talking about a tam I knitted for him a long time ago, which is one of those other projects that didn't fit when it was finished. I made it for him when he was nine. It was ridiculously big. As he pointed out, if I hadn't made it way too big, he wouldn't now be able to wear it. So HE's happy. I think that one was less inexplicable, I think I failed to knit up a test swatch in the exact yarn I ended up using. Tch, tch.

I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm also tired of being sick, and I'm tired of RS being in the house 24/7. We put a lot of work into making a nice room for her, so she trashed it an stays in the big house all day and all night. No kidding. She sleeps sitting up in the salon, or stays in the family room. That is more common when S2 is not home as he sleeps in there. That must be why we have a family room. So everyone who has a room of their own has someplace to sleep? I haven't a clue.

Anyway, I am *way* tired of RS. She has bought a car, and I can't wait until she can get in it and go the hell away. I've gone past my patience. S2 is home on vacation from the army. He has a whole nine days. :-) So that's good.

He's still really unhappy with where he's at in the army, but it looks as if there is no power on earth that is going to get him out of there. Since all of the horrible commanders are gone - he's got a whole new crop - and they seem to at least have a clue about their job - it's no where near as horrible as it was. S2 is a lot about looking on the bad side of things, so he's managing to be just about as miserable. *sigh* Nothing I can do about that besides encourage him and wait for it to be over. Two more years...

And that's all. I'm still sick. Go to see the dr. again on Monday, and have more blood drawn. Fun, fun, fun. He wants me to have another X-ray as well, but he didn't think about the fact that there is a holiday on Tuesday. So *that's* not going to happen. Unless he's willing to wait for the end of the week.

We are going to a Yom HaAtzma'ut picnic with a bunch of homeschoolers on Tuesday. I'm not really looking forward to it, or them, but the kids are expecting to have a good time, and it will be a change of pace. I hope I am at least not dragging myself around by then.

The weather has been amazing. Wonderful, spring days, day after day after day. It's been going on for weeks. I'm afraid to say anything that could jinx it. In 6.5 years in Israel (almost seven! *Gasp!*), this is the first real spring. It is lovely.

I've got to stop, I have completely run out of energy.

I'm listening to Uncle Bonsai: Isaac's Lament

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06