| - Profile -+- Notes -+-Archives-+- E-Mail -+-Diaryland-+- Fotolog -+- Latest - |
|
Honey is Sweet Bewildered - 2010-05-12 TH and I had a big fight today. I've been trying to figure out who's 'fault' it is or 'who started it.' Not to cast blame, but with an eye to trying to figure out how much of it is my responsibility and what might I have to make amends for. As of now, I have no clue. I did pray like mad before I went and confronted TH after his really awful behaviour. It was almost the worst of the abuse all over again. I was instantly in a burning rage and I really tried not to act blindly. I don't know how successful I was - once I'd gotten into it with him for real, there was no prayer and not a lot of thinking. I'm worried about S3 and S2. And D3 and S1 I suppose. I worry constantly that I'm not being a good enough mother. This is not particularly helpful to my being able to function and do the things I think I need to do, and that I want to do. TH got between me and S3 today, when S3 was hurt. My blowing up at TH didn't help the situation at all, but then, TH treating me like I was some kind of plague best contained wasn't exactly soothing out our relations either. I feel so bad about it, about S3, about how I am and how I do. I only know that I can't do more than I can do. I don't *think* I'm blaming TH for me not being able to do the things I want to, but it's hard to tell. Especially since he *does* get in the way of me being able to do things almost constantly. It doesn't look good. I need to get some sleep. I was figuring after this massive fight I wouldn't be able to take D3 to the orthodontist tomorrow, but I'm still going to give it a try. I took some pain meds afterward, because the peripheral neuropathy got so bad I couldn't use my hands at all. Now MMF is on my case that my taking pain meds is a *bad* thing, and I should have 'toughed it out.' Whatever. I may or may not be able to trust my own judgment, but I know for sure that hers is faulty. Eh, I know that mine is faulty, too. I need to get some sleep. 2 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
~~~Last Five Entries~~~ |
