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Honey is Sweet Either/or - 2010-08-16 I'm grateful for: a feeling of a bit of clarity; nowhere to go, nothing to do today; all sorts of possibilities. I'm back. Heck of a writing sprint I'm on here. I was woken up after only a few hours sleep - somehow the sleep alarm on my phone was turned on. *sigh* So now I'm trying to stay awake until afternoon, with the idea of sleeping through the HOT hours of the day. A seriously worthwhile endeavour. If I can pull it off, I'm going to try and make it a regular sort of thing. Hashem willing and all that... While nothing has actually changed (RS is still living here and so on) I feel worlds better. It's scary to think how much of the last half year + has been a result of just having her here. How is it possible that one person can so derail an entire family, and yet, it's true. My brain is a little bit clearer, enough so that I wonder what vistas of imagination are waiting for me with her gone. Well, it's either that or I'm pregnant. Not an impossibility, that. I'm not sure how I feel about the subject. I have NOT dashed out to check. Soon enough to think about pregnancy tests when I've missed an entire period, thrown up breakfast three mornings running or started remodelling the family room. Yeah, it's possible. One thing about being pregnant - in addition to 'nesting' I have generally (with the exception of S3) gone into complete remission from the M.S. So this sudden burst of clarity allows for a couple of interpretations. I'm just not trying to think about it, which is hard because my brain wants to be working. I spent a chunk of last night worrying over whether or not I had anything to worry about. Yeah, I get how that sounds. But - there it is. I don't know if there are things I should be afraid of right now, so I was picking everything apart trying to figure it out. I think on balance I would prefer to *not* be pregnant. Just because I am finally looking ahead to finding out what a life is like wherein I am not totally at the beck and call of other people. Not sure I want to plunge back into utter care-taking. Of course if I am, I will be thrilled, and I can't imagine having any regrets. Either way. So I win. ;-) Kitten has glued herself to my side for the second day running. Not sure what that is about but I'll happily take the comfort and the purring. She may be here for her own comfort or she may be bearing me company at a stressful time but either way it works for me. Except when I want to stretch my legs out and she's right smack dab in the middle of the bed. :-) I had something deep and insightful I'd wanted to write but all of this and I can't remember what it was. I probably should've just gone back to sleep but I'm committed to a course of action and I just can't go back on it. Or - I should be committed. One or the other? A lot of choices like that today. Blech. Gotta stop typing before I want to tear my eyeballs out. Be well, all, and Gd bless. I'm listening to the Hedgerow Crawlers in my head - thanks Anna! 0 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
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