I'm grateful for: knowing that this too shall pass; a really good if late and impromptu supper; not letting my shitheel of a husband get me *too* down.

Not writing much because I'm feeling sorry for myself, and what good is that? TH was rather an a**hole today and I can't help but wonder is it because I said things were better? No answer, but he pulled some pretty crapulous crud tonight, and we have gone to bed not talking to each other.

I am not talking to much of anyone, am I? And feeling sorry for myself. Such a stellar combination.

I'm going to try to make it through another psalm. I don't know if I wrote about it here, but I managed to almost get through an entire psalm in Hebrew - and not one of the shortest ones either (certainly not one of the LONGEST ones. Oy!) And I'm going to really *try* to get to sleep earlier tonight. If not, I've got lots of good reading material - the book on emuna that I've been reading off and on for quite a while now, a book by my friend who is a poet (she doesn't just write poetry, she's supported herself with her poetry and other creative endeavours).

It's called Hohokam, which it says in the book is a native American word for 'ancestors.' I am willing to believe it, but I also know she is seriously short on factual knowledge (she put Tunis in Europe in another book I read). Anyway, so far it is good reading as is most of her work. She loves to play with words and they just sort of spill out of her, she says.

And of course I can always work on the psalms. That is a lifetime endeavour. There are people who can recite all of them, in order. It amazes me but also would for me be such a tremendous waste of time to try (I'm not saying it is for anyone who was able to do it in less than a lifetime), so I'm content to stumble through them as I can. I can read them in English of course, and I do, but studying and learning them in Hebrew is extremely satisfying. Maybe I can't converse, but it just means my talents lie elsewhere, right?

So, I'm working on crawling up out of my pit of dejection and self-pity; aided by my friend MJ who wrote me in such a terrible funk just two days ago. He gets like that fairly frequently and I am at a loss to know what to write. My patience isn't the greatest, and I'm trying, at least for today, to try to show him what life *could* be. Since an awful lot of his depression is directly related to not being willing to look at some stuff from his past, all I can really do is encourage him. In cheering him on, I probably said a host of things I need to hear, so I'm trying to apply them. So there. *wry grimace*

I'm off to try some of that good stuff now.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06