I'm grateful for: sunshine; a hot breakfast; room to breathe.

7:30 in the morning. Why am I up? Hashem must hate me something awful. The good thing is I cancelled the trip for the x-rays. They are for the dentist, nothing that can't wait. It's just that I've cancelled them twice before. *sigh* But my chest still hurts and I am afraid to go out into the cold.

Or hurts again? Maybe. I was woken up by Zechy calling at 7am. No one answered him. I didn't answer at first, waiting for someone able-bodied to come, and I had both dogs on me. But nobody came or even answered him, so I called out that I couldn't get up but what was wrong? Turns out he was sitting on the bathroom floor, too dizzy to get up, afraid he was going to throw up. I managed to kick and shove until the dogs moved (I haven't the strength to move Balta, either she chooses to move or I am just stuck), and I staggered into the bathroom. Of course, as soon as I opened my door Hans emerged from the den and John from the salon.

I sometimes think they sit (or lie there) wide awake but choosing not to move - each hoping someone else will get up first. I swear something would surprize me sometimes.

After leaping (as it were) out of bed, and walking around on the icy floors without slippers - coordinating the men (why is it they can't manage the simplest things without direction?), sending Hans for a bowl Zechy could throw up in in a pinch, and directing John to help him up and into the den - well, I'm just not falling right back asleep.

At least there is nothing impeding my breathing. It just hurts.

I got Zechy a homeopathic remedy for nausea and vomiting, and John put the movie Charade on for him, he's lying on the loveseat in the den under a couple of blankets and with the bowl. Which I think he doesn't need now. He just needs to keep his head still. I cannot believe not only how long this 'flu has gone on, but the many and varied ways it manages to effect each one of us. *sigh*

So yesterday before Neil left, John called him back to my room so we could talk for a moment - to let him know that it was a one-way trip meaning that anything he couldn't get into his new place wasn't coming back here, and to tell him about the phone bill. I don't know if I wrote about that here, but John finally got the phone bills going back a few months.

Neil's portion of the bill was a fairly significant chunk - like 200 shekel. So I told him I couldn't afford to be paying for that, and asked him did he think he could cut down on his calling? He returned with some question about tracking the minutes on his phone. John (or I, I can't remember) told him that that was irrelevant, as the question was would he be able to use the phone less from now on? Neil asked if zeroing out the minutes counter would help and I (or John) pointed out that it's not just the number of minutes - since it costs a different amount if you phone someone within our outside the family, different to phone a call phone from the same company or a different company, and different to phone a land line. I said (and I know this was me) that if he couldn't cut down on the phone use then we would have to take him out of our family plan. I said he could keep the phone, but would have to pay for service himself.

He asked couldn't we keep paying for it and he would take it out of the ($1600) loan we owe him? I told him that we just can't afford it, and Eliyahu piped up "That's what we've keep telling you, Uncle Neil!" in his seven year old voice and face very serious. It was so cute I wanted to hug him.

What I did was I agreed with him, but suggested that he should let the grownups work this thing out. Which is kind of silly, since his one sentence did more than anything I or John could have said to get through to Neil. Having been there before, I know that Neil could have continued arguing almost indefinitely. Until he got what he wanted or someone shut him down.

But that is neither here nor there today, as Neil is gone! Yeaaaa! John came in to check how I was doing, and we almost chorused 'Neil is gone.' So sad in a way, but some siblings were not meant to live together. With him out of the house I have the space and, hopefully, the time, to work on getting over my anger at him. The things he said and did while living here really were unconscionable.

I was almost giddy after he left. In part because of the feeling of having my own space back, and in part I believe because Neil lives in a huge ball of stress that he can't help sharing, and it went out the door with him. In any event, as soon as he was gone, we put the dirty laundry and laundry baskets in what had been his room (making more space in my room and the bathroom), put the drying rack and a heater in there (making more room in the salon and halls), and put in a yellow easy chair and footstool making it the most comfortable room in the house for sitting and reading quietly, or for a place to be by yourself. I may just leave it like that for a while, although eventually I will cram it as full as every other room in the house because we just have too much stuff. *wry grin*

Yesterday was grueling for all of us, worst for John, who had to do the driving, load and unload the van, then make supper (falafel), then drive for all the shopping, and he had to do some work for his employer as well. I am so glad that this is over. I hope John has the sense to take a day or two of 'down time' after all of this, but I have long since given up on having any control or even influence over what he does.

I'm too tired to write more. Five hours sleep just doesn't do it for me. Again. I really hope we are all able to sleep this shabbos. May the teenagers take charge and let the parents sleep.

I'm listening to something on the radio? Whatever someone put on in the salon, I think.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06