I'm grateful for: getting through a couple of rough days, and some rough things, with a minimum of suffering; a new electric car on the horizon; two nights now I've been able to sleep without the air conditioning.

Couple of really BIG booms tonight. There's nothing in the news - maybe I'll find out tomorrow what they were, maybe I won't.

Generally I take them in stride, but sometimes I can't help feeling a scared, imagining the worst.

TH was told today that he's on a short list to be sent to Japan for a couple of weeks. It's very stressful. It would be wonderful for him to be able to do this. If the company isn't paying him any extra and I'm left alone to cope by myself, it's going to be a net loss, anyway you look at it. I am simply incapable of taking care of this place, leave alone the family, by myself.

If I were to plan on living without TH or some other adult equally capable of doing the things he does, I would simply have to move into a more citified situation. An apartment that doesn't require fixing and repairing constantly, a low or no maintenance situation, without stairs and close to things like the mail and a makolet. Neighbourhood market. I could not live so far out in the country that there is no way to survive without regular trips of more than half an hour.

I've thought about this a lot. Especially when things got bad again with TH and I was seriously planning how to get away. I could somehow manage to survive by myself in a small city like Netivot or Sderot. I have a guaranteed income, and while it would be far from luxurious living, it would be possible.

If I have to take care of some or all of the kids, that becomes another story.

But none of that is this. We're only talking about two weeks. Which, given the way his employer works, could easily turn into three, or four. Honestly in many ways I'd be better off living separately from TH full-time than I will be trying to get by without him here for some number of week.

Still, I would never stop him from going on a trip like this. Even if he's going to be working six days a week, he's excited just at the thought of being able to go.

Apparently we'll know in a day or two. It depends entirely on if they want him to work on this other project they've just sold and have promised to deliver in a month. Which they simply cannot do without him.

He should hold them up for money. He really should. I doubt he can, though. Just the way he's made.

Well, Hashem is in charge. If we're supposed to have more money, then somehow it will work out.

I'm off to bed. Four days, or three, before I'm out of time. I'm probably going to let this diary go. I expect I will start a new one, somewhere. Maybe even on d'land. Not much more time for the decision means it will finally get made and you can all stop being tired of reading about it.

I'm listening to Jody Watley: After You Who

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06