I'm grateful for: time spent with Hans; a good meeting; and, oh, just about everything.

I got almost no sleep last night. On the other hand, when Eliyahu couldn't get to sleep, I was awake and functional enough to call out to him to come lie in my bed. John is really not good at coping with tired young children in the middle of the night. Which makes it that much worse that he's the one who almost always ends up doing it.

Eliyahu was thrilled to be with ima, and even though he couldn't fall asleep - and he did try - he was reasonably happy to lie next to me and look at his Magic Schoolbus book while I tried to get less uncomfortable. A hopeless case. Eliyahu never stops moving even when he is asleep.

I was afraid I would be extra cranky and so on from not sleeping. I did finally fall asleep at 6:30am, when Eliyahu went out to see John. I slept until around ten. I wasn't so cranky, though. Couldn't really move, but how much moving do I have to do on shabbos when I'm crippled anyway? I made it from the bed to my chair and back a handful of times, and to the bathroom when necessary.

We all worked on this wonderful 1000 piece puzzle of a clipper ship. It wasn't a very well made puzzle, but the picture was really great. Four or five of us (I forget) worked on it together and in shifts and finished it before sundown. It was a lot of fun, too.

Havva came in and asked was it really more fun to do a puzzle this way than to do several smaller size puzzles individually. I tried to explain to her that yes, it is more fun, because we get to chat and be silly with each other while we do it. And Zechy likes to search for pieces in the box, which leaves the rest of us free to work on putting them in place. And so on. I sometimes wonder if Havva is wilfully refusing to see these things because she doesn't want to be sucked into the group. She really, really wants out of the family home already.

I talked to Megret briefly on the phone. A typical Megret conversation in which I was unable to get a word in edgewise except when she wanted me to answer questions she's asked so many times before. One new thing, she got out a map of Israel and asked where we live. I described the location and she asked 'isn't that dangerous?' We went once again through the whole thing - how living is Israel is really safer than most of the U.S., yes, there are dangers here that most Americans don't have to deal with, and so on, and so on...

I didn't mind so much. Maybe because it was a spur of the moment phone call, and necessarily short. But I'd like to think I'm getting some more acceptance and tolerance for her. It's hard to know - because it is so hard to know when, and if, she is telling the truth. *sigh*

I made it to a telephone meeting that went pretty well. My sister did annoy me towards the end. I had been talking about having a hard time coping with the memories coming up around my uncle's death and having no one I can talk to about my life. Mostly about my feelings and struggles with having to learn how to act like a person after growing up believing I was property. I had barely stopped and Diana chimed in saying all about how she understood and she'd been through the same thing and ... Argghhh!!!

See, she does that all the time. Every frigging time. No matter what I am struggling with or remembering or feeling - she is struggling with the same thing, remembering having the same experience and feeling the same feelings.

I actually talked to Havva about it a bit afterward. Havva has been getting really fed up with Simcha 'copying' her. You know, Havva finds a pair of shoes she really likes. Simcha sees them, she wants a pair just like them. Havva fumes. Havva comes up with a new design for a necklace. Simcha later makes a necklace that looks remarkably like Havva's new design. Havva boils. Havva is going out and puts on a particular outfit. Simcha sees her and ends up rushing inside to change into an outfit like Havva's.

Simcha certainly has no intention of upsetting Havva. She just sees something Havva has done, thinks to herself 'what a good idea.' Who doesn't do that sometimes. But sisters, living together, Havva has been having some real problems with this. Anyway, I was able to commiserate and empathize so much better after being at the meeting. Being reminded that I go through exactly the same thing. Havva commented that at least by the time Simcha was in her forties she should have grown out of it. Unlike my sister, who doesn't seem like to ever grow out of it. *sigh*

I asked a long time friend of mine if she could give me some extra time for a while. 'Cause I really have been feeling lost and lonely and without people to talk to. She agreed, so I guess I'm going to be emailing her frequently for a while. I hope it works out. I've known her for years, which makes me hopeful that this won't be as horrid as other recent attempts to connect with someone on a closer/deeper level.

I can hope.

I watched a bit of La Femme Muskateer as the last thing tonight. It's one of the dvds Hans bought when we were in Be'er Sheva on Thursday. He *really* wanted to watch it with me and other family members. We made it through about half. It is almost a three hour movie. Heavens. It's pretty stupid, but it's fun enough. I wouldn't have chosen to waste three hours of my life watching it - but it's not wasted when it is spending time with my son doing something he wants to do with me.

Less than two weeks. *sigh* I am not ready for this.

I'd better try and get some sleep tonight. I can't quite believe I am still up now. It's 2:30am. Drat. How on earth will I ever get any sleep like this?

Well, I'll get what I can tonight.

I am listening to Tom Waits: House Where Nobody Lives

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06