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Honey is Sweet Can't think of anything - 2007-07-31 I'm grateful for: Havva; Zechy; Simcha Jessica phoned around 8am her time this morning. Which fortunately is around 3 in the afternoon here. I am not good that early in the morning. She was stressed, and I guess wanted to talk, wanted me to fix it, wanted something. Why she ever calls. We'd been on the phone for a while, probably over an hour, when it occurred to me to ask if she'd heard from Hans. There was a bit of a pause and then she said 'He's here. He didn't call?' I said no. She told me he'd been there since Thursday. I think I kind of went into shock. I can't explain it, and I don't understand it. I just ... I don't know. I've spent a lot of the time since then, and getting off the phone, either just sitting numb or crying. At one point Havva came in and asked what was wrong. I told her I was just tired and worn and too hot - which was all true. And that I was really upset about Hans not calling. She was sympathetic, and jollied me out of it a little bit... but later on I was back to crying. I really don't know why. I suppose a lot of it, if not all of it, is that there is nothing left to do but to let go. He's legally adult, he's chosen to be where he is and do what he does. Whatever. I have no doubt if he decides he needs something from me, he'll call. That's what kids do, isn't it? I don't need to say more than that John has acted completely oblivious. Well, and that I think I am glad. Because otherwise I would have to deal with his attention-getting, approval-seeking behaviours, and I just haven't got it to give to him. Neil/Arye phoned this evening while I was napping. Between crying spells. He'd just seen a white limo and wanted something from me. Reassurance? Awe and stunned amazement? I'll probably never know. I didn't have anything to give him. I just listened. So he chatted at me for a bit. That's how I found out that Hans had emailed him and told him (Arye) that he (Hans) was at Jessica's. I don't know when he emailed. I didn't ask. I didn't want to know. My uncle used to travel often, and use a white limo. They are not a common sight in Israel. ANY limo is not a common sight here. There's probably heaps and loads of better things to write about, but at the moment I can't think of anything. I'm listening to Aerosmith: Back In The Saddle 0 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
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