I'm grateful for: getting over a really rough day, or whatever it was that lodged up TH's butt; my new printer, new card reader and new fancy pen; antibiotics and painkillers.

Long day, difficult times with TH. I finally got fed up and asked him just what he thought he had to be sorry for himself for. He's one of the most privileged people on the planet. White anglo male from a wealthy suburb of Chicago. He's hardly ever missed a meal (never because of poverty), never not had a roof over his head, makes good money, has six healthy children and two healthy grandchildren, lives in a place he loves .... yes, his mother was something of a bad start (how many of us have had bad, or just difficult mothers) ... yes, his father abandoned him. I'm sorry, that was 36 years ago. Just what they hell is it you think you have to feel sorry for yourself for?

I was quite angry. QUITE angry. It so isn't worth going over it except to say that while I was busting my a** working on getting over the horrible abuse in my childhood, and coming to terms with being disabled, and trying to learn to be a decent mother, and generally bending over backwards to try and make things better for everyone, TH was a mean-spirited, nasty, abusive F**K. And then he complains that I am not giving him credit for some tiny little bit of progress (he remembered to put the shopping bags in the trunk of the car on Thursday), and claims that nothing he does is good enough for me because if he's not perfect then it's not good enough. *deep breath* !!!

Okay, congratulate me. I didn't kill him. I didn't even maim him. I just gave him some plain, down home, common sense, kicks in the a**. It's not that I can't believe how angry I am, it's more that I can't believe I've lived with this much anger for so long without bursting a blood vessel, getting an ulcer or killing someone.

I was just *this* far from telling him I wanted him to move out - that we need to be separated, 'cause I can't live with him like this. And he suddenly (it was a couple of hours later, but sudden in that it was the next time I saw him at all) he turned over a new leaf and started talking gently to me and treating me kindly. So we're still married, and I guess he can live for another 24 hours. Maybe.

Talked to my sister tonight, didn't manage to feed the chickens, and haven't exercised since the tooth infection got bad. *sigh* Tomorrow TH goes to work, and if it's not a horrible day then it will be a pretty good one. :-)

Photos. This is my dog Balta, the big dog. She has this long face, so she looks kind of woebegone whenever she isn't actively grinning.

I can't take credit for these flowers. The cactus is D2's, and it just volunteers these huge groups of flowers at intervals. They usually last for only one day, so it's a treat if I get out to see them in bloom.

The cactus (and a couple of other plants) are in pots between the two houses, standing against the outer wall of the original moshav house. D3 wanted a photo that showed how many flowers there actually were.

I have more photos, but I'm going to do them in another entry, 'cause I don't have great confidence in my getting them right, and trying to fix a whole lot of photos would be more than I can handle tonight.

I'm listening to Radio Symphony Orchestra Ljubljana - Cond. Anton Nanut; playing Der Einsame im Herbst from Das Lied von der Erde by Gustav Mahler.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06