I'm grateful for: a room of my own; my eight day clock being in here, even if I haven't managed to wind and set it yet; feeling a teensy bit better, if only a teensy bit.

It's still incredibly difficult for me to find time and enough focus to write anything. Doing a tiny bit better now, but better seems to mean that I am aware of how badly I've been doing and feel bad/guilty about it - not that I can actually do anything more or different.

Well, I'm managing to type this, so I guess that's something.

We just discovered yesterday that TH's passport expires in less than a week, and mine in just about a month. Time to race around doing paperwork I guess. I don't even remember where we have to go to take care of it, but I trust he will find it out somehow. My brain just isn't good enough to deal with these things yet.

I'm reading A Wizard Abroad by Diane Duane. It's part of a kids' series that somehow I got started on. S2 has about seven or eight of the books. S3 is reading them, and for some reason I am reading them ahead of him. I used to do stuff like that because I wanted to be sure whatever-it-was was acceptable for my kids. This time it just seems to have happened. Whatever, it's light and easy enough reading I can pick it up and plow through a chapter or two a day even in the state I've been in, so I guess it's good.

I've been hiding out in my room ever since I crashed after overdoing it during our vacation. I'm not at all sorry I overdid it, and I am glad for several things, like, I did everything I wanted to get done during vacation week, and when I crashed I didn't get guilty or hate myself for it, and I didn't over-schedule so that when I crashed there were things I felt led down about or I was letting other people down over. So, it's good. I want to qualify the statement 'it's good,' so very much, but I managed to let it stand for now.

Physically I'm doing much better really. But between the ears is still really quite bad. I've got a voice in my head saying 'bad, bad, bad', and it's saying that I'M bad. It's from mother, of course. I don't know what triggered it (this time) but it's very loud and strong right now. I don't seem to be able to do anything about it, so I'm listening and, I guess, trying to understand what is going on. Is this part of some flashback, some memory, that I need to look at? Is it a reaction to my doing things and getting better? Is it something to do with having told mother (through RS) that I simply don't want to have anything to do with her? Enquiring minds want to know... *wry grin*

Ah, well. At least she is safely on the other side of the Atlantic and I've no danger of running into her by accident on the phone or by email. She is a vicious beastie.

I've got to be getting on. I've no sticking power, which is good 'cause I won't be writing a novel-sized entry today. I do go on, don't I?

Later.

I'm listening to the fan of the air conditioner, and faint sounds of television from the family room.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06