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Honey is Sweet Runic Glyphs appear here - 2010-09-20 I'm grateful for: waking up feeling half-way decent; surviving bad days; getting caught up. Last night, after an extremely difficult day for just about everyone, TH and I went out to visit Jimmy and Elena, friends of our next-door-neighbour. Jimmy and n-d-n have been best friends for apparently a very long time. Jimmy is an arab, I think he is christian, and Elena is his girlfriend. Elena has three children and Jimmy has one, and they have one on the way. Elena is Jewish, btw. They are very nice people, and it was a lovely visit. Good people to just sit around and relax, eat a lot of food, and trade old stories. TH told me what Jimmy does for work, but I've no recollection now. I hate not having a memory. They both speak English, Elena speaks very good English and Jimmy's is tolerable - definitely better than my Hebrew, although that may be rather damned by faint praise. I heard a lot of silly stories about practical jokes, mostly that Jimmy played on n-d-n. RS had arrived there earlier with n-d-n and had gone into the bathroom and either sat or fallen on the floor and couldn't get up. This is rather an ordinary tale for her. There is no explaining the amount of insanity that is rampant here. Some of us (most of us?) would, if we weren't able to stay upright would stay home, right? I mean, if you knew you were in danger of getting stuck on the floor of someone else's bathroom, you would probably not go on a casual visit, no matter how lovely the people were. But for RS this is simply how she goes on. She also won't wear diapers - excuse me, disposable undergarments - when she goes out, despite the fact that she has 'accidents' so often they really can't be called accidents. Now I myself have spent more than a little bit of time in those diabolical garments. They are uncomfortable to say the least, they rarely are able to contain quite everything, they are enormous and make enough noise that people can 'hear' what you are wearing. The don't sit right under clothing and are not designed for any human shape that I am aware of. And yet -- when the needs must, I wore them. Sometimes constantly. Even in the heat of an Israeli summer. Now normally I would consider that no one's business. It's not necessary that anyone should know that about me, but for the sake of making it clear that I am not being judgmental in the least about RS's problems with, er, 'control.' The issue is how she chooses to deal with it. She has, on more than one occasion, peed on furniture in my house, some of it upholstered, meaning, not really possible to get it all out if you take my meaning. She has also stood in my driveway, in plain sight of anyone who might have happened to be looking, with her legs spread while 'doing her business.' She often goes out without any undergarments at all you see. This is a very small slice of what we've had to deal with, so her being on the floor in the bathroom at Jimmy's house wasn't a surprize, merely a moment for TH and I to share sidelong glances and carefully press lips together. No, not kissing, making sure that we neither of us let out what we were thinking on hearing that. RS doesn't just fall and 'can't get up.' She refuses to allow anyone to help her. She will stay on the floor, sometimes for hours, until she manages or Hashem gives her the ability to get up - onto a bed, chair, or her walker. Me, I think that just maybe Hashem is trying to get her attention, to tell her to slow down, stop doing so much, stay more present and in the moment, stop pushing so hard... But RS doesn't take 'no' for an answer. So as long as she can totter out to the car, nothing will get her to stay at home, resting. The fact that she may not be able to get back home, or even back out of the car, doesn't seem to enter into her calculations. I talked with MMF last night, after this delightful outing. Which, despite the outward manifestations of RS's insanity, really was rather nice. MMF just about drove me batty all on her lonesome. MMF is quite insistant that RS WILL get the message and slow down when Hashem makes it necessary as he did for MMF when her back was broken, and when she had her stroke. MMF will not hear that RS is QUITE as disabled as she is herself, and on the subject of being forced to change as a result of being disabled, MMF continued walking for MONTHS after her back was broken, disregarding the pain until she was literally unable to move her legs at all. So I guess, on reflection, RS WILL most likely get the messages EXACTLY as MMF did when her back was broken, which is to say - not. Enough talking about other people, though. Me, I had a really terribly hard day physically, which made it that much harder with D3 being sick, and S3 spending the whole day watching episodes of the old MASH television program, and S1 being - unhelpful. I felt guilty, and I could do anything but tell S1 to cut D3 some slack, as she was doing everything - all the laundry, and getting meals for S3 and myself, and was miserably sick into the bargain. When TH came home, after having a rough day himself, I just couldn't keep from crying. I'd been unconsciously looking forward to TH coming home as him taking the burden from my shoulder so I could relax and stop fretting, only it wasn't to be. So, I had a good cry about my life not being as I would have chosen, and we carried on well enough. I actually appear to have gotten some good sleep last night, even though it wasn't anywhere near eight hours. I woke up at 9am, feeling decently rested. Okay, 1/2 decently rested. I've gotten some photos posted on my fotolog, done some Hebrew with S3, taken care of finanacial matters, and generally have been doing okay. I'm kind of worn out right now, and a little fretting because S3 was supposed to come back and finish the Hebrew schoolwork we were working on, and he seems to have vanished into the ether, rather. I haven't the strength to just sit here waiting for him for much longer. *sigh* Tonight TH and I have the unparalleled fun of returning a dvd player that I bought last week. After that we may play a rail game or watch some Dr. Who. More fun than anyone could imagine, right? But - it's that kind of a month. He's busy putting up the supports for the sukkah now. RS is gone for the next thirty hours - an acupuncture treatment and then a sleep test. She'll be home some time tomorrow night. I want to make the most of this unprecedented freedom, but probably won't be able to do much more than occasionally savour the notion that she isn't in the house. Oddly, I will miss her when she is in the U.S. But I won't miss her living here. Hashem must send us an apartment before April that she can move into. She can't live here. I can't be responsible for her, and her insanity is in many ways like living with an active alcoholic. If I wanted that, I could be enjoying the drink myself. There was an awful lot of drink at Jimmy's. Me, I had water, and drank the Peps1 I'd brought along. I've got to stop. And find S3. So I can lie down finally. I've been up a whopping four hours. Not a record, but a lot for me in my current condition. I'm listening to נורית גלרון: ספינותיה. Sorry, can't translate it very well, the name of the song is 'Her Ships' or something like that. The artist is Norit Galrohn, although the transliteration could be very far off. 0 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
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