I'm grateful for: getting better at letting go; a host of things to keep me busy; just ... getting better.

Last night I couldn't write anything, I couldn't think, I couldn't talk. I was in a holding pattern. D1 phoned and left a message that here mom&dad had again tried to snatch the kids. They have a court date now, on Thursday, because mom&dad are suing (again) for 'emergency' custody. I've no idea what sort of case they think they have or can make. They took the kids without the stated permission of D1, or the kids father, (father's new wife told them they could take the kids home with them), and then refused to bring them back for four days.

I don't know why D1 or the father didn't call the police and report the kids kidnapped, personally. D1 mentioned it, but for some reason or other they come up with all sorts of ideas they never follow through on, while they sit like sheep and mom&dad keep coming up with new and horrible ways to hurt and attack them, and hurt and harm the kids.

So, I'm trying to breathe. I'm trying to trust that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen, and not get too crazy again. Last night, it was shabbos, I couldn't face even thinking about it. For peace on shabbos I shoved it aside, didn't tell anyone, didn't think about it.

S1 had sent me a link to a television show I'd never seen (never even heard of, I think) called Joan of Arcadia. He sent it to me because I really like Mary Steenennberg (I can't spell it anyway). It turned out to be a perfect distraction, as it not only gave me something mindless - that is, not requiring any thought on my part - and also was a continuous reminder of Hashem. It was good. I was able to pray, to turn it over, to not jump our of my skin or go off my nut.

Today I was so busy being sick I only thought about it at odd moment, between having all the family here (TH, me and five offspring), here, and dog and Kitten headaches, and reading aloud and talking about this'n'that.

I phoned in to a meeting tonight, and ended up talking about it there finally. Then I talked to RS, who phoned D1 and talked to her before I did, and called me back with the details. Thank GD! So when D1 phoned again I could cope and be relatively sane. Relavitely only, I did get a bit crazy at the end of the phonecall, but not about anything important. I just got stuck in a run, explaining and re-explaining something I said, and since it was something D1 didn't want to hear, it wasn't helpful for getting us anywhere. But she had the sense to get off, and as long as she is pissed off we came through that quite well.

She is thinking - yet again - of running for Israel, but I don't have any clue whether or not it will happen. Especially since it seems likely that she and the father have an excellent chance of not only beating mom&dad in court, but pretty good grounds for suing them as well. I still think they should give serious thought to coming here, not only because mom&dad are NOT going to stop, but also because if she was here, we could take care of her and the kids. And - they REALLY need it.

Ah, well.

I'm still sick.

TH and D2 and S2 are leaving at about 5:30am. Then it will be a 'normal' day, barring S1 and I being sick. Laundry and housework to do, mostly by the kids unless I feel some better, studying Hebrew, hopefully doing some schoolwork with D3 or S3. Burning disks if I have any to burn. It's all very exciting and intellectual around here. Coping with Kitten and Peppito and the other three dogs and the goats and chickens.

I am counting down, literally, until Thursday when Peppito will be going home with TF and her son AF to Ma'ale Adumim. Life in the house will get quieter and less complicated I expect. Kitten will have more freedom and the other cats will no longer have to avoid the house at all times except to eat. I know Willow (almost 3yo cat) at least will be happy about that.

I wish I had some thing gay or jolly or happy or at least silly to write. I'm working to hard on 'letting go and letting Gd' right now for anything light-hearted. It can be a lot of work sometimes.

There is so much I want to do if I can. I want to concentrate on that as much as I can. Trying not to get discouraged by how little I can do and how slow it all is. It just ain't easy.

I'm listening to Mary Martin singing My Favorite Things from the original Broadway cast recording of The Sound of Music. Hah!

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06