I'm grateful for: taking naps; being able to shut my door and shut everything out for a while; a bathroom and shower I can use.

Back to the trip - I think I'm pretty well done griping about RS. It was rough, and showed me that we CANNOT live together under any circumstances, but we made it, and don't hate each other or anything. Just no more like that is all... *sigh*

We flew to San Francisco where we were picked up (eventually) by our cousin Esme and her new bf. We got just the teeniest tour of the area, which I had never seen before, and I am sorry we couldn't have stayed longer and gotten to see more. We went to the French Hotel, where RS had made reservations, and once we were there traded for a room on the first floor. That really made a difference, I need to say.

The room was nice enough, but not at all appropriate for a couple of crips. We slept well enough, the bathroom was a bit of a challenge, but it was survived. I even took a bit of a shower - as much as I could with a fixed shower head and no grab bars or anything. I'm not complaining, just saying.

Esme and bf bought us some supper which wasn't quite what I wanted. SF cuisine, I suppose. I ate the rice, which was white, and a few bites of the enchiladas (NOT real Mexican, which is what I'd asked for), and was sick for the rest of the night. I think I was allergic to something in the 'enchiladas.' Not the end of the world, too bad, though.

The next morning, Esme and bf picked us up from the hotel (late again) and drove us to where the memorial 'thing' was happening. I don't know what else to call it. It was arranged by all friends of Lloyd's and they seemed to want RS and I there very much, for no reason that I could see. Never shown any interest in us when he was alive you know. Whatever.

There's lots or nothing at all to say about the memorial. I don't think I want to go through it line-by-line. I am filled, instead, with a chest full of 'I should-have-said's. There was a couple there, I refer to them as the horrible couple, who questioned me about living in Israel. As each member of the couple, the wife first, asked me if I lived in 'disputed' territory, you can guess that they weren't just interested in the weather and our goats. I answered reasonably, I thought, by not really answering. I told the woman I live in the Gaza belt, and she had no idea what I was talking about. I told the husband (who came by later), that of course I live in disputed territory as all of Israel is disputed territory according to the people who want us out of here. I said that where I lived has been a part of Israel since the establishment of the state more than 60 years ago, which ought to have been enough, but this ^$!#$^ looked 'thoughtful' and said that 60 years wasn't such a long time in that (this) part of the world. !!! I MEAN!

There was more, and I am so wishing I'd had better prepared for this. I wish I'd said 'so you approve of red-lining then?' I wish I'd said 'this is my father's memorial, show some decency for Gd's sake!' I wish I'd said 'can you even find Israel on a map?' -- I seriously doubt they could, from things that they said. I wish, I wish, I wish ...

Afterwards I said to RS that it was okay, I'd learned a lot and would be better prepared for running up against the same sort of a**holes again in the future, but now it's NOT okay! I want to go back and give them a good, healthy piece of my mind. How dare they! I wish I'd said 'so you're giving your land back to the native Americans.' I wish I'd said ...

I am prepared to discuss Israel with people who disagree with me. I am prepared to educate people who really want the gaps in their education/information filled in. I am not prepared to lie and tell people I live in a 'settlement' just because they are opinionated a**holes who are just asking for it, but I wish I had, now! I wish I had.

Rude, obnoxious, opinionated, AND ignorant, and at Lloyd's memorial! I wish I could remember their names so I could tell everyone else what I thought/think of them and hope that some of it filtered through.

*sigh*

Otherwise, I met some of Lloyd's 'other' children. They aren't his offspring, but children he adopted, and helped to care for, rear, children he apparently loved to the best of his limited ability, children he took with him on his travels - and wrote to RS that we just couldn't appreciate how wonderful it was for him to be able to share his life with children. No reflection on them, two of them were still pretty young, in their twenties, and clearly much more heartbroken than either RS or myself, but that's to be expected. They were very nice people, told touching stories of a Lloyd I certainly never knew, hugged us, clung to us, and RS and I gave back as much loving support as we could. We couldn't very well join in their grieving, but we could hug them and pat their hands and listen.

Another of Lloyd's 'children' was a woman who is older than we are, and the younger sister of a woman who was Lloyd's friend while he still lived with our mother. She was very sweet, and helped us out a lot (got me to the bathroom), drove RS to the house where he had been living to get his stuff, and was generally quite motherly overall. She was the only person there I really felt anything for. She was clearly moved, but didn't tell us anything about the Lloyd she knew, just discussed nuts and bolts of things done and to be done, and was helpful and kind, and may well think after this that RS and I are just selfish a**holes. I hope not, but we could only do what we could do.

Everyone there, except that older 'Lloyd's child,' knew Lloyd from after his time with us. Mother divorced him when I was - six? I'm guessing, and Lloyd vanished on us a year later. We never found out where he'd gone or what he'd done, but he showed up at our apartment in Chicago eight years later with no warning. He was grey-haired, almost toothless, wearing patchwork pants and completely unrecognizable. THAT was the Lloyd that these people knew and loved. I found him weird and distasteful (he smelled).

So RS and I listened and learned a bit. The biggest thing about the whole memorial is that I kept getting set out in the sun (in my wheelchair, I was in no shape to move myself around), and I still have the most Gd-awful sunburn on my chest. I don't go out with my chest uncovered in Israel (because of the sun), and there I was wearing a pretty low-cut dress and just parked in the sun for most of the day. I guess I'm lucky it's not infected or anything. I don't know how to tell if it's 1st or 2nd degree burns, but I do know from 3rd and it's not that bad. Still, it still hurts, and it itches, and it's dry and crusty in addition to peeling. Not good.

We took some photos of Lloyd, that had been brought for people to take and Esme and bf drove RS and I to the airport in plenty of time for our flight back east. Phew!

In balance, I suppose I'm glad I went, it was a good thing, for closure, and gave me a lot to think about. I'm glad it's over, and I don't know if I ever want to have anything to do with any of those people ever again. Fortunately, I don't have to.

***

The flight to Boston was in two parts, first to Philadelphia, and then a shuttle to Boston. The most memorable thing - the Philadelphia airport was the most horrible part of our travels. There was no proper help for RS and I, RS was needing a wheelchair and basically had to do without for most of the time there. We were put on a cart, and driven to a connecting shuttle, and no one was going to help us to get from the car to the shuttle - a matter of going down a level and then several hundred feet at least. We insisted and someone came along and helped with no very good grace at all.

Then when we got pushed to the gate, we were abandoned there. Wouldn't have been so bad, except that they changed the departure gate, didn't bother to tell us or announce it, and no one came to take us to the new gate. Thank goodness RS and I figured it out, and she and I somehow managed to get over there. Then there was no one to help us onto the airplane, which was entirely unprepared for two passengers that needed assistance. I'm not entirely sure how we made it. The flight crew were wonderful, as I have now come to expect from US Air, they have set a high bar they now have to live up to. *grin*

Arrived at Boston where at least the assistance was reasonable, got our luggage and a taxi and headed off to RS's car. Since I'm not going to complain about her (any more), I'll leave out the what and why, but after a while I said to her that I could rent a car and drive myself down to Bethlehem. It would be good, I'd have transportation while I was there, and she wouldn't have to stress or try to do things that she couldn't. RS refused to even consider it, and continued doing her thing, and I got my stuff taken care of and repeated what I had said, pointing out that it really wasn't a bad option, and she had plenty to do in town if she stayed.

The long-and-short of it is that RS said finally did I want to get rid of her, and I said no, that I wanted us to continue on together, but only if it could be done relatively quickly and sanely. Silly me, I know she isn't capable of admitting that she can't, and I got stuck in the car with her for a drive down to Bethlehem, PA.

It wasn't as bad a drive as I might have led you to expect, at least RS wasn't falling asleep behind the wheel, and the hardest part is that I'd wanted to stop at a R0y R0gers for chicken, and she went a little crazy about that, after passing the only one that we knew where it is.

We arrived in Bethlehem at a reasonable hour, and RS got lost looking for the house, but we finally got there. The house is split into two apartments, and D1 and her kids and their father and his new wife and their new baby all live there having rented both apartments. D1 also has a couple of men living in her apartment, one is a roommate who has been kicked out and hasn't left yet. Don't say it - I have as little control over D1 as I have over RS, and each of them can come up with the Damnedest excuses for not doing things! The other is possibly the next husband. I don't know but it seems to be tending that way. He is just twenty-one, but seemingly more mature than D1 in many ways. Terribly immature in others, but then, what male isn't?

No offense meant.

The visit with D1 and her menage probably deserves it's own entry, and my fingers are tired so enough is enough.

I'm still not really settled in here. My brain is still partly elsewhere, and I feel the need to get all the travel stuff done and cleared before I completely return to my 'at home' mental state. Hashem willing, 'cause I know I have no control over it all.

I was feeling really sad and a bit sorry for myself tonight, and I think it was for no reason other than I want stuff I can't have. Like Las Vegas style air conditioning in my house, a working body, more hours in the day, someone to call and whine at. Thank goodness for d'land, and thanks for being there tonight.

Be well, all, and Gd bless

I'm listening to the fan, nothing else.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06