I'm grateful for: chili dogs for lunch; having my family around me; finding ourselves in the safest part of the country

It's hard for me to believe I've spent more than two hours zoning out and playing stupid computer games. It's after 2am. I dunno, something just doesn't want me to sleep. Or something.

I started off badly today. Woke up around 11:30 and threw a little bit of a nutty when I found out no one had gone for the mail and no shopping had been done. It's Friday, everything closes early today. Of course the husband had a ready excuse, and he HAD swept the kitchen floor. Everyone give him a big, rousing cheer. *sigh* The floor can be swept almost any time. By the time anyone got to the post office, it was closed, and a package, which has been there for two days at least already, remains there until Sunday at the earliest. I sincerely hope there's no food in that package.

The heat was, continues to be, pretty unbearable. Even though the temperature has dropped a tiny bit, it was accompanied by a heavy, bad air that makes breathing an effort and seems to have put a malaise on everyone here.

I did manage to get up and dressed, and John drove me to Kfar Saba where I shopped at the supermarket while he went to the shuk for fruit and veg. I hadn't walked more than in the store entrance before I was wilted from the sun. I felt so weak it was scary. But, I had Simcha with me and shopping had to happen, so it did. The store wasn't as miserable as it has been on past shopping trips. Miserable, but not as bad. They have gone for the horrible white lights and sterile layout I am more familiar with from American stores such as Walmart. Very stress inducing, not what I look for in a pleasant shopping experience. But Yad Yitzhak is so much cheaper than Mega - the only other supermarket which would carry everything we needed - it's not a choice.

The shopping was hard, and I was really dead by the time John joined us at the kupa (checkout). Still, I made it. Collapsed in the car with some botnim (peanuts) and drink while John put the groceries in the back. My Hebrew vocabulary is increasing, little by slow, but it's happening. I guess.

John had met a fellow he knew in the store, who asked for a ride with us. No problem, but we had one more stop to make. We had seen a place with bicycles, and I'd been on the lookout for a bicycle for Simcha for a while now. She's outgrown her old one, and has to borrow Zechy's if she wants to go for a ride. Well, we found a bicycle (ofnayim), not in a colour she wanted (she preferred blue), but a really good bike. Unfortunately we didn't have cash or a checkbook, and he couldn't take the one bank card we had with us. We talked it around once, twice, I kept saying Yom Rishon (Sunday), not today, we'll get it Yom Rishon. We were going to drive off and the man whose store it is said to take the bike and pay him Yom Rishon. !!! I can't imagine that happening in the U.S. ;-) I insisted we give him a little cash on account, I had a fifty shekel note, and I felt better driving off with the bike that way. Maybe it's silly of me, but to just drive off with the bike without even making a token payment when we could felt wrong.

John and I will be passing through Kfar Saba on Sunday, because we have a meeting in Ra'anana, so we'll have no problem stopping by to pay the balance on the bike. We'll also be giving him five checks (one for each of the next five months). You can buy more stuff in the states, but I think the shopping experience is much better here. At least, it's full of surprizes.

We managed to get the bicycle in the back seat, and drove home, dropping our passenger at the entrance to the yeshuv. Man, I was tired. I dragged myself (more accurately: Zechy dragged me) into the house, had to change clothes, and then collapsed in front of the computer, which is one reason for my earlier rant. Tired and cranky, and a lot of bad news all at once.

I'm feeling a lot less frustrated and angry. I mean, of course I am angry about the war going on, and people being hurt, I mean angry about the insanity in the press and so forth. I've come up with an explanation that I can get my head around. It works for me. It doesn't make it okay, but at least it doesn't seem just like completely unexplainable lunacy. I don't know why, but it is true that when the nature of a thing is understood it can be tolerated. Not liked, not certainly appreciated, but tolerated.

Still bleeding, and I'm behind on so many things. The vitamin B1 seems to really be working, though. I woke up today and the worst of my current bites - one that was oozing from the reaction, looks like it's almost healed, the bites on my right arm have all but vanished (still some small bumps there), and certainly nothing is worse. I'm so excited! To have something that actually makes a difference, and isn't some kind of drug is too cool.

Other positive news is that I seem to have lost four pounds. A drop in the bucket of what I would have to lose in order to wear normal clothes again, but a happy event none-the-less. I may never wear normal (meaning I can shop in 'normal' stores), clothing again, and that's okay, too. As long as I am as healthy as I can manage. Healthy does not equal thin, and thin does not equal healthy. |A thought for the day.

Lessee, not much else happened today really. I helped Simcha, Havva and Zechy all to do some math puzzles. My sister called and we talked for a little bit. I told her the thing I'd figured out which makes me more able to tolerate life on life's terms today, and she talked about some friend of hers who is having problems and acting decidedly nutty. 'Nutty' probably isn't the word, but I'm too tired to think of a better one. Friend yelled at Diana and told her if she wasn't going to help (fix her friend's problems) then the friend didn't want her around. Whatever.

We watched Armaggedon tonight. I like that movie better on the small screen, but I don't really care for it that much. I do like the cast, and it has some really good moments, but it's not enough to overcome the formulaic nature of the movie and the dreadful speeches we have to endure. Ugh.

Popcorn, pizza puffs, and pepsi for supper along with a chocolate egg. Not the healthiest supper by a long shot. I'll do better tomorrow. I have an email to write which just isn't happening. I don't know why it's so hard. Maybe I'm trying to hard to make it something it's not? I don't know. Need to think about that.

You might think, after all this time, I'd stop being taken aback by how large my children are. It still amazes me. Eliyahu is so huge for his age, I worry about when he is in his teens. Zechy, at fifteen, has just passed his brother Hans, and is now tallest in the family. He's in proportion so he doesn't look so huge unless you see him standing next to someone/something. He's at least six foot two. And still growing. Yikes! Hans isn't exactly small, either. ...

I'm delighted, honestly, but also sometimes I worry. They'll all be fine, I'm sure. I hope. Hmmm.

Hans has an appointment with a social worker (I may have written this already) to get interviewed regarding not serving in the IDF. I don't know if the war going on now makes him more or less likely to want to do his service, rather than get out of it. I know a part of his problem is that he wanted to do something meaningful (in his eighteen-year-old world-view), and didn't see driving in the army as meaningful enough.

Havva is feeling caught by circumstances. With the navy engaged there's a little bit of feeling left out as all she has to do is go into the office and take messages, or keep the library open. The messages she has to take are very important, and the library is necessary for the navy to fulfill it's function, but it certainly lacks a certain immediacy.

We're all a little amused, as there are many people, some from the north, who have refused to visit us because of how 'dangerous' it is here. Here's hoping that things don't worsen and we can continue to be mildly amused. The situation in the north remains pretty horrible as of sundown (the beginning of shabbos), and now no news until tomorrow night. Hashem bless us and bring us peace. Please.

I'm doing better overall. We all have our challenges and our tests, some feel harder than others, but we are working together, supporting each other (mostly) and I do have faith that everything will be okay. Someday.

In the meantime, I really should stop typing this and try to finish that email, or else go to bed. Or finished the email and then go to bed. Something like that.

I'm way unhappy with this diary entry. It feels all mixed up, like I'm writing for others more than I'm writing for myself, but not only writing for others, and I'm not happy with how I"m afraid it 'sounds' and ... argh! it's too late and i'm too tired to do anything about it. And this diary is for me. So, I will let it stand, and tomorrow maybe I'll be more centred. I feel like I'm missing something important, but if I am, then Hashem will have to remind me another time. I really, truly am stopping now.

I'm listening to all sorts of annoying noises, a dripping toilet, an off-balance fan, a hum from the computer, and so on.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06